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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to install cameras because I suspect my husband is hiding affair?

260 replies

Lovingmynewlifestyle · 04/08/2026 19:48

I need a little help. I have a strong suspicion that my husband is having / starting an affair. He has recently had two meetings (meals out - he paid) that I know of with a married friend, they knew each other before I met him. They talk frequently via text and I think a second Facebook account (that I don’t have access to). He has never told me about this I discovered a message by accident and have since found proof. I think he is now hiding how he communicates via hidden apps in his iPhone, he is very tech aware, and this these hidden apps are protected by touch ID that I don’t know how to get around.

The thing is I am going away tomorrow to visit family 150 miles away. I think this OW is coming around to my house to listen to music. I can’t prove 100%.

Am I unreasonable to get internal cameras? I can organise this tonight if I order now via prime. But I don’t know what to order, any suggestions?? It has to be easy to install. I am not tech savvy.

I have met this person, and we are due out as a group soon. Not leaving my husband so don’t suggest. Need to confront with evidence.

OP posts:
PollyBell · 04/08/2026 21:54

So you pick up nothing so he could shag at her place, this whole thing is unhinged

Original poster
Lovingmynewlifestyle · 04/08/2026 21:50

Tsham · 04/08/2026 21:46

I think the point at which you’re installing CCTV in your house to catch him out, is the point your marriage is over.

CCTV all over house anyway. I just don’t know how to access it. My bad. I want independent cameras.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovingmynewlifestyle · 04/08/2026 21:48

DontTeaseMyDog · 04/08/2026 21:46

Take his phone with you 😂

messages are on iPad, computer and apple watch. Very tech sav

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovingmynewlifestyle · 04/08/2026 21:47

AgathaX · 04/08/2026 21:44

Do you think they are having sex, or just listening to music? You're not going to know either way with a doorbell.
You've already caught him out. Can't you have a conversation based on that?

no sex yet. just re connecting. three meetings so far, all secret. Talking about songs and one night stands. Baring in mind we are all 60!!!! are we remembering our youth? or going for it!!

OP posts:
DontTeaseMyDog · 04/08/2026 21:46

Take his phone with you 😂

Tsham · 04/08/2026 21:46

I think the point at which you’re installing CCTV in your house to catch him out, is the point your marriage is over.

AgathaX · 04/08/2026 21:44

Do you think they are having sex, or just listening to music? You're not going to know either way with a doorbell.
You've already caught him out. Can't you have a conversation based on that?

Original poster
Lovingmynewlifestyle · 04/08/2026 21:43

Thr33lions · 04/08/2026 21:37

Agreed. Lots of people don’t know how to end their relationships but then when caught cheating will have some relief that they can now go and be with the other person and have no interest in saving their marriage.

Someone I know confronted their other half and simply got a “yeah sorry, I’ve fallen in love with someone else” and fucked off into the night. You’re not guaranteed a grovelling apology, promise to never do it again, or validating declaration of love if that’s what you’re seeking, so you need to mentally prepare for that.

My advice would be if you’re not interested in splitting up with him even if you get confirmed evidence and intend to turn a blind eye then there is really no benefit to you having it. Just crack on.

Show quote history

My advice would be if you’re not interested in splitting up with him even if you get confirmed evidence and intend to turn a blind eye then there is really no benefit to you having it. Just crack on

Just crack on - is one approach I am looking at.

OP posts:
MovingBird123 · 04/08/2026 21:43

YANBU

DontSayItsOver · 04/08/2026 21:43

If you’re not leaving him what’s the point of all this? Spend the price + shipping on therapy.

Original poster
Lovingmynewlifestyle · 04/08/2026 21:41

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/08/2026 21:26

Leave your iPad there recording

I love my iPad! leave it behind for fours days????? not a chance 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovingmynewlifestyle · 04/08/2026 21:38

Wherethedogsits · 04/08/2026 21:29

What happens if you find ‘proof’?

We have a conversation. And I really mean a conversation. And that actually is a good question. He has often talked about this person over the years, I know that they are friends of the past. It is the now that I wanted to know about in advance. This other person is married, 30 years and has a good life. I don’t believe they want to risk this

OP posts:
Thr33lions · 04/08/2026 21:37

SaturdayFive · 04/08/2026 20:54

If you confront with secretly obtained evidence he might leave you, never mind you not wanting to leave him. It's a bit risky if you don't want to split up. Let him crack on with his side chick and turn a blind eye if you want to stay together anyway. Why rock the boat.

Agreed. Lots of people don’t know how to end their relationships but then when caught cheating will have some relief that they can now go and be with the other person and have no interest in saving their marriage.

Someone I know confronted their other half and simply got a “yeah sorry, I’ve fallen in love with someone else” and fucked off into the night. You’re not guaranteed a grovelling apology, promise to never do it again, or validating declaration of love if that’s what you’re seeking, so you need to mentally prepare for that.

My advice would be if you’re not interested in splitting up with him even if you get confirmed evidence and intend to turn a blind eye then there is really no benefit to you having it. Just crack on.

professionalcommentreader · 04/08/2026 21:34

I guess if you are really doing it you need a nanny cam. You could look at his friends list on Facebook to see if there is a friend who could be him as a pseudonym. No way around the fingerprint unless he is asleep! All a bit bonkers.

Wherethedogsits · 04/08/2026 21:29

What happens if you find ‘proof’?

Fernticket · 04/08/2026 21:27

I can understand that you want to get proof of any affair ( or prove that there isn't one). Rather than spy cameras, have you considered a private detective?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/08/2026 21:27

Get a baby monitor that links up to your phone and have it on audio only, or hidden behind books in your room or living room

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/08/2026 21:26

Leave your iPad there recording

OttersOnAPlane · 04/08/2026 21:25

If you install cameras to spy on him, you become the crazy person and he becomes the victim. Anyone under surveillance in their own home has every right to be appalled.

If you want to keep your sanity the moral high ground you would not do this.

You have absolutely no trust or respect for him, so the relationship is dead. You can cling to its corpse or you can move on.

Original poster
Lovingmynewlifestyle · 04/08/2026 21:24

Sensiblesal · 04/08/2026 21:12

Save the camera money for therapy.

honestly, you are not acting like a sane person right now & I get this is your insecurity.

you shouldn’t be snooping on his phone or ordering camera’s to spy on him. You are displaying controlling behaviours and could end up in trouble if you carry on.

Your relationship is over if you can’t trust him.

it is £140. I can re-purpose to a charity I support. Money is not the issue. Trust is

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovingmynewlifestyle · 04/08/2026 21:23

LiftAndCoast · 04/08/2026 21:17

YABU.

Do not install spy cameras to watch your husband.
Do not try to access private apps on his phone.

This is a gross invasion of privacy. You clearly don't trust him. Whether he's having an affair or not, the relationship is over.

Until the 19/06/2026 I trusted him completely.
30 years of trust. Then I found out he met his ex girlfriend and kept it secret. He still has not told me

OP posts:
culty · 04/08/2026 21:20

If he finds the camera you'll be the one painted as an abuser - also what will you do if nothing shows on the camera?

LiftAndCoast · 04/08/2026 21:17

YABU.

Do not install spy cameras to watch your husband.
Do not try to access private apps on his phone.

This is a gross invasion of privacy. You clearly don't trust him. Whether he's having an affair or not, the relationship is over.

Steeleydan · 04/08/2026 21:16

wishfulthinking25 · 04/08/2026 19:54

You sound a bit crazy tbh. Why don’t you just ask him up front?

Because he will deny it and convince her she's paranoid

Sensiblesal · 04/08/2026 21:12

Save the camera money for therapy.

honestly, you are not acting like a sane person right now & I get this is your insecurity.

you shouldn’t be snooping on his phone or ordering camera’s to spy on him. You are displaying controlling behaviours and could end up in trouble if you carry on.

Your relationship is over if you can’t trust him.