AIBU to install cameras because I suspect my husband is hiding affair?

@wishfulthinking25
Is he likely to admit he’s having an affair. I imagine he will li and gaslight the OP.

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OP, I think your suggestion is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read. You instantly put yourself in the wrong, and filming your husband would be a despicable
thing to do.

You come across as a little unhinged.

Mentally unwell?

Don't bother with the cameras. If money is no objective just hire a PI.

Are you unwell? I don't mean that in a snarky way, it's genuine. This is really unhealthy, it would be unhealthy in a new relationship but after 30 years of marriage to be suddenly trying to get into his phone, checking his receipts and buying cameras to spy on him is really concerning. You say he's been friends with this woman longer than you've known him so why do you think he'd start an affair now? Thinking she is going round to listen to music is quite specific, why do you think that? You don't want to leave but want evidence. Why? If you don't want to separate regardless of what he has done, setting up recording devices is very risky. If my DH secretly recorded me the relationship would be over. It's so intrusive.

The thing is, if you don’t see anything, you still wont know.

She installs cameras, sees no one come to the house. But she’s still suspicious. So what then? A tracker in his car? What level of snooping will enable you to trust him?

Spying is gross.
Clearly you don't think he is faithful. Either leave, or learn to turn a blind eye .

He may be having sex with this ex girlfriend but hasn't told you because fir him it isn't serious and he loves you and doesn't want to risk losing you.
That's an interesting take on cheating. Do you think that's usually the case when a man cheats on his wife or partner: they are just lying and keeping it secret for altruistic reasons?

Completely agree.

I know it's against the Mumsnet lore to do snooping of any kind because then the trust has gone, but sometimes you just need to know.
Rather than months of uncertainty, where you feel you're going crazy and his behaviour has changed and you know he's keeping secrets...

All he would need to do is disconnect the wifi and say the power went out and the doorbell wouldn’t pick it up.

You don’t even need to try the fingerprint, never mind let it fail a couple of times. When you go to open the iPad, the fingerprint and code options are there on the screen.

He may be having sex with this ex girlfriend but hasn't told you because fir him it isn't serious and he loves you and doesn't want to risk losing you.

Which is obviously not ideal.

If you don't want to leave him, have you thought of bringing the matter up openly? And maybe discuss the option of opening up the marriage.

Or, as another poster said, just turn a blind eye.

Your relationship is already over if you are seriously considering getting cameras in.
Definiteky switch off your own phone (in case he’s tracking you) then return early.

As mentioned you can put in passcode once fingertip has failed a couple of times.

If you think CCTV is the solution yes you need therapy

Ring doorbells don't work through glass, in case you were thinking of filming out through a window.

@Lovingmynewlifestyle if there is cctv all over that you can’t access, won’t some of record you installing the spy cams?

op, basically with any cctv systems you need professionals and good high quality cameras etc think mi5 / gchq style ones

For apple, do you know his passcode? The fingertip just needs to fail a couple of times which it would do if you tried, and you’d then be prompted to use the passcode instead

I would NOT recommend this.
My ex husband has recently been charged with stalking and sentenced with a suspended 2 year prison sentence. This is after he fitted secret listening devices in our home to track what I was doing and who I was talking to.