AIBU to install cameras because I suspect my husband is hiding affair?

@Lovingmynewlifestyle If I ever set up cameras to catch someone doing something, it would be someone that I don't like.

Yet you're talking about doing this with your husband.

Even if he is not cheating, is this someone you should be in a relationship with?

If cheating is a massive insecurity, then why not have a relationship with someone else? The overwhelming majority of men don't cheat, and in fact, don't even have the opportunity to cheat to begin with!

This is disgusting and I am sorry I read this sick thread. You have taken a serious wrong turn.

Would he not notice the cameras? How would you explain it if he does? But I don't think you're crazy for wanting proof.

I have my banking apps in a hidden folder in case my phone gets stolen. Face ID is needed to see what apps are in folder or open them. Hidden apps don’t necessarily mean anything dodgy.

Hang on OP, you want trust, but you don't trust him now or you wouldn't be doing this, and if the cameras show that he didn't meet this other woman in your house during this particular four days, it won't prove that he's faithful to you. He'll have other opportunities to meet her, and possibly other women to cheat with. Trust is about believing the other person is sincere and open because you know them so well, not about finding no evidence that they're cheating.

I'm confused. Why do u think he has a secret FB account?
The info is a bit mixed too - is she an ex of his, or a married friend?

If I was you, I would get one of these discreet listening devices. Probably too late now though!
https://amzn.eu/d/01RJs9VY

If you’re not leaving him, what good will evidence do? What if you confront him and it doesn’t go the way you want - what if he’s relieved and leaves you for her? While I think that would be doing you a favour, if it’s not what you want…

I mean the easier way to stop her coming to your house is surely to not go away. But that’s no way to live. Better than cameras, which a) he’s entitled to not be watched by - there would be uproar if you were a man and b) can easily have ‘technical failures’ if he spots them anyway…

Life's too short for any of this shit.

Your relationship is already over if you're thinking of buying cameras

If you suspect that strongly you need to talk with your DH asap- the gilt is definitely off the gingerbread already.

Why can't you access the CCTV that is "all over house"? That in itself is worrying.

Did you manage to find anything?

Someone mentioned iPad earlier. Honestly I think this is your best bet. Leave it on a high shelf somewhere doing a voice recording (not video) then you’ll be able to hear who arrives. This would 100% be what I would do

Come home early

You cannot secretly record your husband FFS

There’s got to be a crime in there somewhere.

Unless he’s retired and never leaves the house, it is much more likely that he’d meet her somewhere else.

Why would he risk the neighbours telling you?

Also if you tell him that you know he has someone around - he’ll say what’s wrong with that?
He’s not technically doing anything wrong.

Plus you will have to tell him how you know and he will 100% leave you if he finds out you’re secretly recording him - considering you don’t want to break up with him then that would be very silly of you.

You are in denial. Noone can be "happy and secure" if they suspect their partner is cheating on them.

Sometimes it’s just to confirm we aren’t mad. I knew in my bones my H was with gfs, but he denied, said I was imagining things, I dreamt and thought the dream was real, I was mentally unhinged and needed psychiatric help.
I came home one day he thought I’d be out. I avoided all the security sensors and used a door that wasn’t linked to the alarm system. Stood outside his office and he was on Skype with another woman. Heard every word. Walked in and said a loud , hello darling..missed you…so his gf would hear , because he’d told her, I was just an ex , in the annexe, till I found somewhere else to live. He was angry I’d spoken . Stopped denying everything and I later found out she was one of 3 ….2 had been on the go for 20 years, before he met me. Our entire relationship was a lie. After lie after lie.
Confirmation we are right starts to matter. I’d agree I was a bit obsessed by that point and probably unhinged for different reasons to those he accused me of, since I was right. But if he’d just come clean at the start, I would not have been.

Can’t the critical people just back off a bit? And the name callers just fuck off.

OP do what you need to do.

Op isn’t going to leave either way.

Shagging someone who isn’t your wife, in your family home is more gross.

You know they do next day delivery here ooop North too, op! 😂 Sorry, that London comment made me laugh.

This all sounds bonkers. You said you're not going to leave him, so what do you plan to do with any findings?

So you think there’s a decent chance he was cheating on you during work trips for years, and even if he’s cheating now you won’t leave. That’s your choice, but why are you trying so hard to confirm? What do you hope to accomplish?

I know you can't prove a negative but she could find out definitively.
I contemplated following my DH or putting a PI on him. I didn't, but the uncertainty can drive you to do stuff like that.

Why do you want evidence which, if there, will only distress you further, if you have already decided that you won’t leave because you love and like, your husband. Think about what the benefit would be to you of having your worst fears confirmed.