AIBU to install cameras because I suspect my husband is hiding affair?

I’d be putting cameras up everywhere, tbh. Maybe nannycam hidden ones. They may not be the most ethical, but I would want to have evidence.

You did say 'internal cameras' OP...
Good luck with all

Am late to this and not read the whole thread, it is the cover up of messages and meet ups which eats up your trust. I know exactly what you mean, knowing in advance or in the immediate aftermath is one thing but to know something is happening and not being told about it is something else. There's something very personal about the idea of listening to music together and reminiscing which is smacks of trying to recreate the past. If it's all so above board why not bring her round and introduce her to you and his life now? I would feel deeply uncomfortable about this and would be tempted to tell him you know of his plans, either before you leave or on the evening itself, he probably won't feel so warm and cosy after that.

Do 60 year olds use my bad?

Sound totally insane and tbh not sure I would want to tell you everything either the way your going on with strangers being ten times worse to someone you know, like an inquisition. Sound controlling, why would you read someone's messages there's nothing there. Not something I would ever do with my dh or want to tbh. He can be friends with whoever he pleases, buy meals, drinks for whoever he pleases. It's me he loves and comes home to and vice versa and he also has many female friends he goes out with as I male. Doesn't mean anyone is playing up.You sound nuts

following

I actually think the OP has been given short shrift here. It is OK for goose to have CCTV, but not the gander. And for all of those saying "you should talk", they clearly have, and another woman is coming round to listen to music with her husband, while she is away. I am probably of a similar age to the OP, and although no trust issues at all, I would find it very odd if my partner took another woman out for a couple of meals on his own, and then was inviting her around while I was away to "listen to music". The OP may be going about it in the wrong way, but her aim is true. Is hiring a private detective really any better? surely you are just shifting the responsibility for snooping onto someone else. Home cameras in public thoroughfare places are fine (as an aside, I have some, mainly because my adult kids can be complete idiots, and like nothing better when they have been down the pub but to leave the doors open when I am away - and no, I do not mean unlocked, I mean actually open / ajar and believe me, we have TALKED). Different situation, but sometimes you just need to know where you are at.

Lol. You didn't think of this, did you OP?

Which man, ever, admitted to an affair, when asked politely? I'd do anything to find out OP, been there done that twice; I have left both men. Nobody takes the piss out of my emotions and carries on ruining my life. Amazing how time and leaving them gave me back 100% emotional peace.

Your relationship is already over. You ordered cameras so that’s the end of it. No trust and lies being told.

try to get everything organised for a clean break OP.

Tip off her husband. Your dh may be tech savvy. She may not be. Her husband may be able to access the messages.

He's having an emotional affair.
Neither of them may actually want to have a physical relationship with each other.
As he isn't telling you about her, he clearly feels he is doing something outisde the normal boundaries of your relationship.
If you aren't going to leave him, I don't really see what difference it makes whether you 'know' or not.
For me an emotional affair is deeper than a physical affair. If you are bothered by the physical side of it only, then there is nothing to suggest they will actually have a physical relationship. Emotional affairs can run for years. There will be hidden apps on his phone which will have all her emails and messages because people tend to hold on everything.

Emm...so he will say oh yes your right dear, I am having an affair🤔 what the point in asking . He's only going to deny it and be sneakier as he now knows she suspects.

This is what private detectives are for right? But this is cheaper

The day I would tolerate my husband saying I will be cavorting about with another woman & I answer have fun there would be a blue moon in the sky. My blood boils even thinking about it. This has nothing to do with trust & everything to do with respect, at least in my situation. I can't speak for your situation OP. If you are in the least bit suspicious then your intuition is telling you something.

I'm grateful my DH would never dream of dating another woman because let's face it that's what it is under the umbrella of long standing friends. He has plenty of female colleagues he gets on well with & very occasionally there is a meeting in a local cafe to discuss work and that's acceptable. Meeting outwith work for a social date is a whole different scenario.

If you're not planning to leave him, no point to any of it.

Just crack on and let him crack on too.

Not leaving my husband so don’t suggest. Need to confront with evidence.

Then what's the point?

What an actual weirdo. Writes a whole post about husband potentially cheating and asks advice on how to catch him but then says ‘not leaving him so don’t suggest that’. What do you want people to suggest? If your husband has an affair (not to mention the audacity of conducting an affair in your HOME), you leave him?

Is this a joke post? I could give you some tips on finding your Spidey-powers, so you can scuttle around upside down on the ceiling undetected and catch them in the act?

Wait until he's asleep and put his finger on the phone to unlock the apps.

But agree with PPs if you feel you have to go to these lengths the relationship is dead already.

You don’t regain trust by going down this path.

please give your head a wobble.

if you are in your 60’s I am going to assume you are normally kinda wise and sensible. That you will know if you ask your husband something, you will know if he is lying.

The point is, right now there is no trust, but you don’t plan to leave him. So have a think about what you will gain from spying on him? If he finds out (innocent or not). He won’t trust you either and may leave.

Your choices are talk to him or sweep it under the carpet. Invading his privacy and spying on him really is not the answer. You are just setting yourself up for more hurt & the more you go down this path the more you veer into domestic abuse towards your husband

There was a woman on here a while back who caught her builder sneaking his girlfriend in to have sex. It was a tiny camera hidden in one of the numbers on her kitchen clock.

I'm with you OP and would want the evidence