AIBU to install cameras because I suspect my husband is hiding affair?

It’s illegal to record someone without them knowing isn’t it? And surely if he sees a ring doorbell he would just take her to hotel instead?

If you were my spouse and put in hidden cameras you wouldnt have to worry about leaving me. Id leave you.

2nd FB, hidden comms apps... thats quite proactive and cheating with a woman that you bith socialise with..

If hes doing that and youre doing all this double checking im not sure what you get from staying. If youre not leaving him, why do you need to confront him? His marriage vows havent slowed him down why would a confrontation?

I’m sorry if I’m missing something but if you already know he’s arranging for her to come over and listen to music while you’re away, then what additional info will a camera recording her arrival at your front door give you?

Exactly 💯 @Beetrootsmoothie - a degree of privacy is normal but it is also normal and expected to tell your partner where you go and who you meet- you naturally want to share it with yoyr partner/husband. You don't ask for permission, you do it out of love for each other and respect.

If I found out my spouse was spying on me in my own home I would leave them. What a disgusting invasion of privacy.

How can a relationship last without trust?

Comments are odd. Yes stick up a small camera in bedroom window to film the drive. Does sound like he is cheating. If money isn’t an issue you can hire a private detective to prove this for you.

Existing external cameras that she's aware of, and could learn to control.

That's a very different thing to surreptitiously setting up a hidden camera, as well you know.

Op, just leave him. You obviously don't trust him, why spend the rest of your life in an unhappy relationship.

I think if you’re wanting to put a blink or similar in a window he’ll surely see that? It’s a bit obvious. You’d need a tiny nanny cam setting up, and this sounds crazy but, in a plant pot outside or something? I wouldn’t put them inside, you won’t want to see if he does something…

I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. Go for it OP and I hope you find what you need.

On the tech front, you can get onto the phone using the passcode, then go to screentime or battery in settings and that will show the apps he’s using so you can identify the name of the “secret” apps. Then you can find it on his phone and look

I don’t see anything wrong with this.he is starting an affair in their house.she has every right to put a camera facing the front door.there are already cameras there.you want proof,get it. I would do exactly the same!Good luck.

It all seems creepy I wouldnt live in a house with cameras let alone ones I couldnt control, I would have bigger problems then the cameras if that was the case

"Listen to music"

Dont see that the op is doing anything wrong.
He has cameras set up that she cant control

Don't get me wrong I don't think the camera option is wise but knowing your husband is crushing on someone else, and trying to set up meetings, is pretty hard. I'd start sending him songs that remind you of him, suggestions include the following - Jolene, I'm not The Only One, Traitor, Your Cheatin' Heart....see if he catches on 😂

Installing secret cameras is a terrible and intrusive thing to do. And makes you the bad guy always. It is possibly marriage ending if he finds them. As you don’t want to leave you should not do this.

it feels like something a controlling or abusive partner would do.

if you aren’t going to leave isn’t it better not to know?

But this isn't about having friends or privacy. A degree of privacy is normal but hiding meeting up with an ex, sending her songs that remind him of her and then inviting her round to continue that connection, whilst his wife is away, is not exactly upfront and trustworthy.

Googled it and it's "Songs That Remind Me Of You"

What’s STRMOY mean?

You might not want to y to leave but if I found out you’d done this I’d 100% leave you,

I don’t see the point. what will this prove? You already know she’s likely coming over to your house

yiur husband can have friends. He can have friends that you don’t know about. He can meet people without telling you. He’s entitled to privacy

I’d ask him directly how x is and watch his reaction. Ask if he’s heard from her lately. If he denies this then you have proof he’s lying to you directly bc he has something to hide. If he didn’t then he’d have no problem telling you he’d caught up with her, unless he sees you as the jealous type who doesn’t like him talking to other women?

I think the whole inviting someone to ‘listen to music’ round your house is maybe the 60’s version of ‘Netflix and chill’ - he’s rebuilding a relationship with her, or at least a connection, and I’m sure her husband knows nothing about this.

Could you befriend her on fb to put the wind up her? I doubt she’d be comfortable coming round after that and it would put your husband in an interesting position of whether to raise it with you - as, why would he know you’d done this without her speaking with him? Maybe worth a try.

OP, you say you are happy and secure but this is very at odds with both the tone and content of your posts 🙁
You don’t seem clear on what gaining the camera information is going to give you, beyond evidence of cheating. What is confronting your husband with evidence going to give you, if you’re adamant you don’t want to leave him?