AIBU to install cameras because I suspect my husband is hiding affair?

Op. You are in a spin and I can totally see why. But you need to take a deep breath and give yourself a little shake. You sound like you know enough to approach your partner. You know he has met a woman 3x and lied about it. That is enough.

Can I suggest you sit down with your husband asap and have a frank discussion. No cameras, no watching. You will have to be honest about what you have found out and how and a guilty person may well try to flip that on you or use outrage to mask giving a direct answer. However, you will absolutely know based on his response - a good husband and partner would do anything to reassure a partner who is feeling insecure. If he can’t do that then the relationship is in grave difficulty regardless of whether he is having or planning an affair.

you say you don’t want to leave him, seemingly even if he is having an affair, and I would challenge that viewpoint. It totally undermines you as a person with autonomy. You sound like you would be just fine on your own, and being on your own would be better than living with someone who disrespects you so completely that they are both having an affair and going to great technical lengths to hide it. Value yourself, value what you are worth to him and others, and go into this with a resolve to respect yourself first - if he is doing this then is isn’t the person you like and love, he’s an illusion. Dont sacrifice yourself and your self respect for something that isn’t real.

talk to someone in real life if you can. That will really help support you.

Only If he has nothing to hide, but he is hiding something isn't he

Why is he not going with you? Have you asked him for access to the cctv, it is your home also? I would get a friend to pop round with something whilst they are ‘listening to music’ . Having 3 meetings with another women behind your back really isn’t good.

@JLou08You must be, to write such unpleasant things on people’s threads.

Hidden cameras are creepy. Imagine your home having cameras and you didn’t know it.

Your relationship is too toxic even if he wasn’t having an affair.

Why do you care if you're not going to leave him? Do you imagine you'll find him cheating, ask him not to cheat on you then you'll live happily ever after?

🤣

@Lovingmynewlifestyle peoppe are wiwrd. Your husband is lying about meeting a woman. Of course you install the cameras to find out if she arrives first! Then talk to him afterwards

Yes, and he's just going to do as he's asked , is he?

Well, even if they're not having sex (yet), he's establishing a secondary intimate relationship with another woman and keeping it from his wife.

I've always considered that if you're doing something that you actively don't want your partner to find out about, you probably shouldnt be doing it (obviously caveats apply).

Will be not see the camera?
I will get flamed, but how I did it was with a tiny voice recorder in two rooms, sound activated.
I heard all conversation😥
It was the only way I could get absolute and concrete proof.

She wants to film the drive, not the bedroom. It's not creepy or illegal to film your own drive, especially when there is already CCTV there anyway.

The thing is you already know she's coming round to listen to music from the messages OP, why do you need to watch her come round when the messages have already made it clear that she's coming? Surely screen shots of the messages are enough proof to confront him with, why wait until he's had the chance to have sex with her at your house? Why not confront him now and tell him you don't want them meeting up any more because he's been secretive about it?

Get him to message her in front of you and tell her that his wife isn't happy about them seeing each other due to their past relationship so he won't be able to meet up any more. Then tell him you want to have free access to his phone to try to rebuild the trust.

If he's not prepared to do that then you know you are no longer his priority.

OUCH

Please don't do this. It is creepy and illegal. If you are having to do this, the relationship is over. If you don't want to leave, what outcome do you want if you confront him with this?

Privacy and secrecy are not the same.

Op, are you saying that if he was shagging this woman but told you in advance, that you would be ok with it?

It’s a sticky slope. My Dsis paranoid DH done this, left them up months stalking her, there was no affair, once again his insecurities ran wild.
Knocking off the WiFi will disable the camera. He would notice them and change plans.
Hire a private detective. 🫣

I experienced being filmed in my own home as my ex suspected I was having an affair. I wasn't and the most he got was watching me iron and hoover the stairs. However, he was arrested for it! Believe me, you need to think about what you're doing.
You obviously have suspicions. Call him out on it .

Ask him. I wouldnt be happy about her coming round your house to "listen to music"?

OP sounds somewhat deluded if she really thinks she is happy and content with things in her life right now. If she was why is this other person causing all this angst?

Why bother worrying about it and trying to find out if you won't leave him?🤔

You seem fixed on the idea that he may bring her into the home while you are away. This seems very unlikely. Especially as you say there are other people living there. The deception, so far, seems to imply an emotional affair is developing. If so, your absence is going to be the first proper opportunity to escalate it. The question you need to consider is, do you nip it in the bud, or, let it develop and then go nuclear. Or not.

Why is there a blind spot on the front door? This is the commonest way for an intruder to enter the house. You would be sensible to have a camera there anyway.

Which cameras stick on the inside please OP? Looking for one for security but not a ring camera.

I don't think YABU, it's for peace of mind but could be easier engineering an impromptu return as some have suggested.
Only he'd come to the door and wouldn't be caught in any act.

Sorry you're going through this and hope you find closure.

I'd get a listening device for the bedroom. If you hear her go in you know it's not to listen to vinyl.

Besides if you did record them you don't have to get the popcorn out and sit down and watch it.

Just say you have irrefutable proof. He doesn't need to know how