AIBU to install cameras because I suspect my husband is hiding affair?

you have proof he is meeting her and lying about it. you don't need anything else. You are not the police, you don't need any proof at all. the relationship makes you feel uncomfortable so you can ask him to stop.

All of this extra stuff is just trying to trick yourself, that you just need one more thing. you don't think about what outcome you want from this. is it knowing for certain? then what?

The outcome is something you can go for regardless, so aim for that instead. do you want him to end the "friendship" or just prove he is lying?

She says in her OP that she isn't going to move forward though?

she said internal cameras. anyone coming on here to ask how to secretly surveil their family inside the home while they are away should ring alarm bells.

OP should not allow cameras she can't control, even if they external. how ever this doesn't negate the creepiness of the request.

You completely agree with covert filming and the posters who advise how to do this, despite others concerns that this could not be true and that it could be someone wanting to covertly record toilets/changing room or children?

I did have one thought - if she is a married friend then you must know her husband. Could you phone him when you know that she's 'listening to music' with your DH and ask to speak to her? See what reason she's given her husband for not being at home?

Because if BOTH of them are lying to their spouses then that's really all you need to know, isn't it?

But it does matter to the op, she needs proof then she can move forward

You don't trust him. It doesn't really matter what the cameras would show. The relationship is over either way.

You're not leaving him, even if he's having a torrid affair with this married friend and won't stop seeing her? So you'd be OK with him having you plus another girlfriend?

If that's the case why bother going to the effort of secretly filming them. If you won't leave?

I think there are a lot of misunderstandings from posters because of the way you have typed this. A lot of people are assuming you’re talking about filming inside the house (and that the existing cameras also film inside the house) but it seems to me that you are saying there are multiple cameras outside the property that you can’t access the footage from, and that you want to put another facing outside that you can access.

I do agree with others that I’m not sure of the point if you don’t want to leave him, but if you want the evidence for your own sanity, then I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. He knows the house has CCTV, he just thinks he’s the only one privy to it. It does sound like he is in EA territory already. And it does sound like he is planning to take it further than that if it hasn’t already gone further. If the footage will provide clarity for you somehow, go ahead.

Sorry, but you lost me at ‘ I don’t intend to leave my husband ‘
If he is shagging someone else let him
shag in peace ffs. You aren’t going anywhere

I just want to add, my ex was financially, verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive to me. And I absolutely hated him with a passion. Took me 10 years to leave.

I understand totally the OPs need for proof before confronting, you can't accuse someone of misdeeds without concrete evidence can you? She could be told no, she's crazy, she saw no text message because there wasn't one, etc etc.
We all know cheaters lie and lie.
Wrong as you think it may be, sometimes you just need to do what you need to do to get irrefutable proof

Sometimes you just need to know. If she sees nothing, fine, but I would personally need to know.

It’s shocking isn’t it!

Why if he is tech savvy, is there a blind spot on your front door? Surely this could have been sorted by him as someone said it's the most common place to have a camera?

This implies that he has set it up like this on purpose and for what aim OP?

I completely agree with what you're doing so good luck OP.

Exactly!!

I am disgusted at the amount of posters giving OP ideas.
Some have literally given names of products or links or ideas of where she can hide the camera.

How many stories have we heard about men recording their DPs to ensure they’re not cheating or to watch them having sex or getting changed.

Not long ago the husband was drugging his wife and letting other men have sex with her whilst she was asleep and secretly recording it.

And these are adults.
It could easily be someone wanting to watch children too.

No one should be encouraging anyone to secretly record their DPs or have hidden cameras.

Very confusing - you dont want to leave him, so you just want to know if hes shagging, then will have a chat with him about why, and then remain with him, even though you can afford to leave (a potential) cheat? Jesus.

So you’d be quite happy finding out there were hidden cameras at yours because you’ve got nothing to hide?

OP what is the goal here?

You’re going to check the cameras and then what?

He’s going to leave you if he finds out there’s a camera he didn’t know about.

But even if you used the existing cameras, you’re still going to have to explain why you sat there and watched an entire weekends worth.

And then what if his friend is shown coming in - his response is that he had a friend around.

I understand how you must be feeling.
Your DH is trying to have an affair or leave you and you’re just helpless watching it happen.

But I don’t think you’ve thought this through.

I think you need to talk to him about your concerns and go from there.

Because he’d deny it?
Everyone does.
Particularly when they know they are morally in the wrong but they haven’t actually done anything wrong (yet).

The only way this would work if @Lovingmynewlifestyle is happy NOT knowing the truth .She can tell him she knows he’s sneaking round and that it bothers her. But chances our she won’t know how he feels or why he’s being sneaky. If he’s enjoying the illicit meetings because he wants out or just because it’s fun.

This, although I’d also be wary of giving advice on how to record someone covertly.. how do we know the person wanting to do so isn’t the abuser looking for tips?

Because she needs proof then she can decide what to do,

If I ever felt the need to check up on my partner like this, the relationship would be over.

If he checked up on me with cameras or whatever, the relationship would be over.

You say you don’t want to leave whatever - so what are you hoping to get out of this?

I get the need to prove you aren’t mad and this isn’t in your head. Been there, done it. But if you aren’t going to leave if you find out, this is all just going to become a stress to you.

Statistically most cheating husbands do not want to leave their partner.
They want their cake and want to eat it.
You do need to confront with evidence, as they will always deny, deny, deny.
My husband turned into the most perfect husband after I discovered the affair as he was so desperate not to loose the marriage. (Obviously the repair is not easy once the trust is gone and I cannot say with certainty that we make it, but I believe It was right for me.)
Without the evidence the outcome would have been very different.
Like you, we’ve been together decades.
I wish you all the best. The pain of discovery is like no other.
BTW, love your camera plan.
Once he’s admitted, one of your conditions for repair needs to be full transparency and he gives you pin and face ID for his phone.

You don’t sound crazy.

You sound really distressed at the prospect of your h cheating on you.

Yeah. Really try asking him and he’s definitely going to tell the truth. “Yes dear. I’m going to have a shag fest whilst you’re away.”

But I’d come back a day early or even pretend to leave and come back.

I’d end the relationship anyway. You clearly don’t trust him.

Either way, I hope you are ok and find peace.