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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to install cameras because I suspect my husband is hiding affair?

260 replies

Lovingmynewlifestyle · 04/08/2026 19:48

I need a little help. I have a strong suspicion that my husband is having / starting an affair. He has recently had two meetings (meals out - he paid) that I know of with a married friend, they knew each other before I met him. They talk frequently via text and I think a second Facebook account (that I don’t have access to). He has never told me about this I discovered a message by accident and have since found proof. I think he is now hiding how he communicates via hidden apps in his iPhone, he is very tech aware, and this these hidden apps are protected by touch ID that I don’t know how to get around.

The thing is I am going away tomorrow to visit family 150 miles away. I think this OW is coming around to my house to listen to music. I can’t prove 100%.

Am I unreasonable to get internal cameras? I can organise this tonight if I order now via prime. But I don’t know what to order, any suggestions?? It has to be easy to install. I am not tech savvy.

I have met this person, and we are due out as a group soon. Not leaving my husband so don’t suggest. Need to confront with evidence.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovingmynewlifestyle · 04/08/2026 21:06

DontTeaseMyDog · 04/08/2026 20:54

give a friend a spare key and have her go pick something super duper important up for you at a very random time?

I would need the video to make this happen at the right time. I have a rough idea of time, but he has switched to hidden apps I can’t access. This is where they are discussing times.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovingmynewlifestyle · 04/08/2026 21:04

SaturdayFive · 04/08/2026 20:54

If you confront with secretly obtained evidence he might leave you, never mind you not wanting to leave him. It's a bit risky if you don't want to split up. Let him crack on with his side chick and turn a blind eye if you want to stay together anyway. Why rock the boat.

I can survive either way. I have enough money in my own right. I am in a lucky situation

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovingmynewlifestyle · 04/08/2026 21:02

VeySur · 04/08/2026 20:49

I would cancel the trip and return after a few hours to your home. And switch off your phone location.

Meeting is a day or two later. I would just move the goal post

OP posts:
alimak9 · 04/08/2026 20:58

I think you should do that OP. Unfortunately cheaters don’t come clean to tell you nicely that they are cheating (most of them). Better to know sooner than better so you don’t waste your precious time. Good luck!

Original poster
Lovingmynewlifestyle · 04/08/2026 20:58

Everyone here is focused on my relationship being over. I guess what I really need I tech advice.
Apple - anyway around finger tip recognition for hidden apps?
How do I find a hidden Facebook account?

OP posts:
SaturdayFive · 04/08/2026 20:54

If you confront with secretly obtained evidence he might leave you, never mind you not wanting to leave him. It's a bit risky if you don't want to split up. Let him crack on with his side chick and turn a blind eye if you want to stay together anyway. Why rock the boat.

DontTeaseMyDog · 04/08/2026 20:54

give a friend a spare key and have her go pick something super duper important up for you at a very random time?

VeySur · 04/08/2026 20:49

I would cancel the trip and return after a few hours to your home. And switch off your phone location.

Midlifecrisis2026 · 04/08/2026 20:47

I don’t think you’re crazy at all and encourage you to catch him in the act! I do think you need to place a camera in the living room though and not the front door as they wouldn’t do anything at the front door surely?
I don’t have any recommendations though I’m afraid but just look at high rated spy cameras on Amazon.

let us know how you get on!

ps all these people telling you to ask him outright at deluded. Like he’ll admit to it?!

Original poster
Lovingmynewlifestyle · 04/08/2026 20:45

backformoreofthesame · 04/08/2026 20:22

No don’t install cameras - that would likely end your marriage because no matter what he’s up to , he will walk out with that

someone coming to listen to music and you want to film it to prove that she came to listen to music. ? Nuts

ig you think it’s an affair why will confronting him with evidence change anything ? You have ruled out leaving him so you have no cards

I could leave. I would be well off financially. But I don’t want to, I love and like my husband. We really do have a great life. Just the last couple of months have knocked me. If he had said in June, I am meeting XX I would have said have fun. The fact he has kept is secret is made me take a step back. Very shocked and surprised, after all the international travel we have done with jobs, now he does this?

OP posts:
BlueFahrenheit · 04/08/2026 20:44

Moveoverdarlin · 04/08/2026 20:14

OP: Are you shagging Sarah?

OP’s DH: No, of course not, how could you say such a thing? Are you crazy?

Now what?

Show quote history

😂

BlueFahrenheit · 04/08/2026 20:43

wishfulthinking25 · 04/08/2026 19:54

You sound a bit crazy tbh. Why don’t you just ask him up front?

Do you expect him to be truthful?

🙄

Original poster
Lovingmynewlifestyle · 04/08/2026 20:39

Error404FucksNotFound · 04/08/2026 20:35

So you just want to see if she comes to the door?
Which won't happen if you install a ring doorbell or similar. They are highly visible.

I have just ordered cameras that have SD cards. I can install to an upstairs window, in an empty room. Arriving tomorrow morning, the benefits of London. I will install. I already have CCTV front and back to the garden, I just have blind spots.

OP posts:
Error404FucksNotFound · 04/08/2026 20:35

So you just want to see if she comes to the door?
Which won't happen if you install a ring doorbell or similar. They are highly visible.

Original poster
Lovingmynewlifestyle · 04/08/2026 20:25

IronEverything · 04/08/2026 20:22

Any baby monitors in the house?

No - we are in our 60’s. I really think this is saying goodbye. It is the lack of telling me in advance.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lovingmynewlifestyle · 04/08/2026 20:24

To be clear the camera is for the front door only!!! not to catch him in the act!!!!
i.e. like a ring door bell. No I don’t want to watch him having sex!

OP posts:
IronEverything · 04/08/2026 20:22

Any baby monitors in the house?

backformoreofthesame · 04/08/2026 20:22

No don’t install cameras - that would likely end your marriage because no matter what he’s up to , he will walk out with that

someone coming to listen to music and you want to film it to prove that she came to listen to music. ? Nuts

ig you think it’s an affair why will confronting him with evidence change anything ? You have ruled out leaving him so you have no cards

Error404FucksNotFound · 04/08/2026 20:19

I think if you need to then you should.

If he is cheating then what will you do? You say you have no intention of leaving him so it'll be pretty miserable. Will you be pretending to him that you will leave? What if he leaves when found out? Oh well she's found out, let's take off together.
Will you be able to cope?

I'm not saying don't try to find out, just that you need to consider all possibilities and what you will do.

Mouldemort · 04/08/2026 20:18

Would you like to see your husband having sex with another women? That could easily happen. I suspect the answer is no.

Tell him you are suspicious and ask him to open his phone for you. If he refuses, he is having an affair. If he isn't you can wholeheartedly apologise.

Olliesmum8822 · 04/08/2026 20:17

put YANBU as I understand the anguish and need to know. But PPs are right that trust is gone so it’s really over

Moveoverdarlin · 04/08/2026 20:14

wishfulthinking25 · 04/08/2026 19:54

You sound a bit crazy tbh. Why don’t you just ask him up front?

OP: Are you shagging Sarah?

OP’s DH: No, of course not, how could you say such a thing? Are you crazy?

Now what?

musicforthesoul · 04/08/2026 20:13

If I found out my partner installed cameras to spy on me the relationship would be over. Red line.

The relationship is dead anyway if you feel the need to do this.

ExtraOnions · 04/08/2026 20:13

If it comes to the point when you are hiding cameras in the house, your relationship is pretty much over

Lmnop22 · 04/08/2026 20:12

wishfulthinking25 · 04/08/2026 19:54

You sound a bit crazy tbh. Why don’t you just ask him up front?

Because obvs he will deny it and if OP has nothing but suspicions what has she got to gainsay that? Evidence is king so he can’t lie his way out of it!!