Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He's still fucking HERE!! AIBU?

88 replies

Gingernaut · 03/08/2026 11:25

I apologise in advance. This is a very long post, There is even more back story than this.

I have tried not to drip feed.

I'm 58. The eldest of 3. Very glass half empty

I work at a VERY low level job within the NHS, barely above minimum wage

I live in a shitty part of the world - Two decades ago, I bought a three up, three down, mid terraced house, in the hope that, with family help and a loan I could do it up

My family sickened, my life turned to crap, the loan became a complete millstone and I've been unable to do the house up due to lack of funds or sell because the house's current value won't let me buy another place

I have ADHD AND dyslexia, the cost of education is out of reach and I am unqualified apart from O Level, CSE, GCSE level and a useless HND

I am unlikely to get a better paying job

When our parents died owning property in London, middle brother fucked around and got a deed of variation and second brother and I inherited less than we should have done - I was in a very crappy situation, close to killing myself and at least I got some money

Instead of doing the correct thing, I threw money at this dump, got shilled by cowboy builders who since went bust and I am STILL living in a dump in a crappy, slumlord dominated hellscape

At one point, after paying the mortgage off, I was offered £15k for it by a slumlord and I realise I should have bitten his arm off

I would still have enough money to buy a better place in a nicer area

Still, hindsight...20/20...blah,blah

my only 'savings' are the remnants of my inheritance which I am loath to touch as that is my pension/rainy day fund

Think tens of thousands, not hundreds of thousands of £££ - I cannot afford to lose this, spend it rashly or crack into the bonds/savings accounts without penalties

My only saving grace is that I now no longer pay a mortgage, handy, considering I'm paid so little

Middle brother, got a three bedroomed flat in London out of our parents' estate which has only gone up in value since my dad died

He's divorced with two adult children, one of whom is "in law" - Has a law degree and is advising dad

After the sale of the flat, which somehow took forever, he paid his ex-wife and still had a considerable sum of money to buy a place

He moved in in December 2023

It is now August 2026.

At first, it did look temporary.

He did a few jobs around the house, whilst getting to know the area, looking for houses, all the while moving more and more stuff in

Fixed the bathroom window which leaked when it rained and the wind blew in the wrong direction

Found and fixed an issue with the drainage from the cowboy installed upstairs bathroom, digging out a new drain and fixing it to the sewer line in the process

Laid out a new lower path (which causes me issues with a knee injury), but it's now lower than the damp course

Fitted and charged me for a new, unwanted fence but found an issue which had been causing damp in the upstairs bedroom he is now sleeping in

Painted the back of the house after hiring some scaffolding

He started with the damp issue with the downstairs of the house, but stopped more than two years ago

He got caught up spending more and more time in the garden, weeks, in fact

It now looks lovely, but now has grass which needs cutting - Not slumlord or renter friendly

The ONLY people who might have any interest in buying a mid terrace house between tenanted properties will be a landlord and that back yard will cost somewhere in the region of £5k to £10k to take back to slab/concrete/courtyard

There a 20 square foot patch of bare brick in the corner of my back room, signalling to anyone who visits that there is a massive issue with damp and it's been like this for TWO FUCKING YEARS

He found a place, a mid terraced house, but the vendors had to wait for probate

He refused to look for another place

He kept going and bought this dump, with the sale going through in 2024 - It was structurally unsound, near a school, so has parking issues, has antisocial neighbours, but since then he's been promising me that he's leaving

Three dates in 2025 have gone by and he's STILL here

One of the dates, he started shouting at me that I was being insensitive about the death of a guy who he had never mentioned before and he had to go to London to perform a few DIY tasks for his grieving widow

All the while, the space needed to sort the damp issue, make exploratory holes in the flooring to see the extent has been taken up with his hoard

The front room is filled with his tools, desk and chair, the second bedroom is filled with his stuff as well

I started this low paid job as I needed a break from the shift work which was slowly doing my head in

I took a £1k a month pay cut to have regular hours

I worked on small pieces of salvaged furniture, I have an interest in sewing and embroidery and bought an expensive scanner for all the family photographs which I intended to digitise for the rest of the family

All these plans have been turned to shit

The fabrics and thread are inaccessible due to them being locked away in the spare bedroom - more than likely being eaten with moths

The scanner is up and out of reach, there is nowhere to lay it out to operate it

The front room, where the furniture used to be worked on is now hoarded out with tools

I have removed the dining table in the back room to create space - It's now used for drying laundry

Better yet, I am allergic to a variety of foodstuffs which Middle Brother insists on cooking - My own kitchen is inaccessible to me and he sees nothing wrong with this

I have told him to leave - HE refuses and has taken advice from his son to say this is correct

Sum total of the legal argument is "But he'll be homeless"

He insists that the work he's done has more than paid for his rent AND all bills

Yes, reader, in case you're still here, he has not paid any of the bills aside from three months, when he showed willing, all the while piling more stuff up in the house

He does have a storage unit

I have lost the single person's council tax discount and I am paying increased gas and electric bills

I have taken paid legal advice and been told that as he has done some work to the place he may have a beneficial interest in a house I have owned for decades

I have gone into "petty mode"

I have stripped the gas hob and oven of everything to make them useable - Gas consumption has dropped to the point that some days, the standing charge is higher than the cost of the gas used on a daily basis

He then insisted that the washing machine wasn't rinsing properly and started to do two washes - One for the wash and one for the rinse - of course the electricity went up

I removed the machine drawer - A friend at work is looking after it for me

To me, the storage and laundrette costs are more than the cost saved, but I am petty as fuck

Middle brother has now bought an electric hob and his own microwave

Taking up more fucking space and using more electricity

Matters are not helped by the state of his house

During the early Spring, when family visited from all over, he took us on a "tour" of the house

We could stand in the front room, look up and see the underside of the roof

When I challenged him during one Saturday in July about the state of my finances and when he was moving out he gave me an instruction to wear solid shoes and he would take me over to see the state of the place

Sunday morning he confessed that he has spent months digging a hole and there was so little progress on the house that I would notice

He bought such a fucking garbage patch that a well, you know, a water type well, outside his kitchen door has been leaking and damaging the foundations

He had been digging out the well by hand and performing groundworks outside the house after taking advice

And the foundations need to dry out,

And he has to create a soakaway

And the house cannot be moved into

I am beyond fucking livid

This parasite is leeching off his poorly paid and increasingly disabled sister, forcing her to eat out of packets due to his selfishness in the kitchen and he is on side quest after side quest

Electric bike, well, garden etc

Even in his own house, because he has no front garden, he can't park a skip on the road due to the parking issues around the school - A huge portion of the rubble from the works is in 'cages' around the garden, forming building blocks for walls

He has no bathroom or kitchen and this will remain so for some time

Instead of working on the house today he's got a "van job"

I had to take a day off to let the BG Boiler man do his annual survey, hence this rant

The people at work area aware of my predicament - I have two half joking offers of help to dispose of his corpse should I kill him

We worked out I needed two volunteers, because he has two vehicles. They are both dog owners and know remote spots to dispose of the vehicles and his corpse

We jokingly planned it all out, utterly deadpan

I have been referred to safeguarding on the grounds of financial abuse, their referral upwards failed to progress as there are plenty of others in greater need than me and my case was not considered severe enough

The police were useless - "Well, have you told him to leave?"

My paid legal advisor told me he may have a beneficial interest in the house

A house I have owned and lived in for over two decades

What can I do?

OP posts:
nc42day · 05/08/2026 12:23

Gingernaut · 05/08/2026 10:07

House is obviously worth more than £15k

However, the area has gone downhill and houses tend to be put up for auction instead of up 'for sale'

I want a clean break from him

There is too much stuff simply to put it out on the pavement

I don't want him to have any excuse to come back for anything he's 'forgotten'

I have limited annual leave and I don't work flexibly

I need the legal ducks to be in a row

I haven't suggested you put anything on the pavement. A clean break from him and a peaceful life with no building work is possible, but it's not going to come down the chimney for you wrapped in a neat bow. You will need to take action.

See a solicitor to find out where you stand.

Get the house valued by three agents locally, and take advice, if auction is the best way to sell it then that's the best way to sell it.

Get a house clearance company to get rid of anything he's left behind and you don't want.

Take the proceeds and buy something small that doesn't need work.

SomethingFun · 05/08/2026 12:34

Exactly - decide what you want, make a plan, execute the plan. You don’t actually have anything to lose - a money pit shithole, an inflexible job that pays fuck all, an awful family that would see you struggle on low income and still take advantage.

99bottlesofkombucha · 05/08/2026 12:40

You don’t have to let him back in for anything he’s ‘forgotten’. I’m glad you sound determined, because he sounds abusive. I’d send an open letter to family telling them how he’s made your house unusable for you, and say if any of you are feeling brother is hard done by or I’m being unfair then I beg of you come and store his stuff so I can access my own house to fix the damp and use my own things and do my own hobbies. He pays nothing and refuses to allow me to fix the place with his things blocking entire rooms up. If you aren’t willing to offer, I expect nothing but ‘well done and I’m so happy for you’ when I finally get him out.

minipie · 05/08/2026 12:48

Legally, claims for beneficial interest in a property require that 1) the claimant put work or payments or other value into the house AND 2) the claimant was promised by the house’s owner that they would part own the property, AND 3) the claimant relied on these promises when doing the work/payments.

Usually it’s a long term girlfriend/partner bringing this kind of claim and they’ve been told for years that “of course the house is yours too darling even though it’s in my name”, and they have paid into the mortgage or spent on the house thinking it’s theirs too - the law was invented to let these women claim a share after the bloke waltzes off saying the whole thing is his.

This is entirely different. He’s never going to prove 2) or 3). Especially since he’s bought his own place.

Has he been paying you rent?

Gingernaut · 05/08/2026 19:27

Has he been paying you rent?

What do you think? 😳😭

He seems to genuinely believe that all the work he's done will pay for what he owes

OP posts:
Millytante · 05/08/2026 19:31

UpDownAllAround1 · 05/08/2026 12:14

Kindly OP, there are no legal ducks to line up. He will have no beneficial
interest. He is a cuckoo and cuckooing you. Take a sick day or 2. This is the rest of your life that is at stake

Edited

Well said. This is bordering on self-destructive delaying tactics.
It’s not just the ghastly brother who needs a dose of ‘No ifs or buts’ at this stage!

SpaceRaccoon · 05/08/2026 19:39

@Gingernaut there's Legal Advice sections both here and on Reddit (UK specific), might be worth posting there too.

nc42day · 05/08/2026 20:33

Gingernaut · 05/08/2026 19:27

Has he been paying you rent?

What do you think? 😳😭

He seems to genuinely believe that all the work he's done will pay for what he owes

You can't work out what to do because he's got you so caught up in what he wants. It doesn't matter what he believes.

Write a list of things to do, and do them. There's your way out. Not centering what he wants or believes he is entitled to. Not happening.

WiddlinDiddlin · 05/08/2026 22:12

Do you have any sort of written contract where he got board etc in return for work done?

If not, he can get to fuck. If you do, you could end that contract immediately anyway. So he can still get to fuck.

Gingernaut · 05/08/2026 23:16

No contract.

I'm in the process of contacting solicitors in the hope that I can get him to leave before the end of August

He knows somethings up.

He's announced he's shirking the house this and next weekend to help his son move to London

OP posts:
UpDownAllAround1 · 06/08/2026 09:41

Right, your emergency lock change needs to be this weekend. Perfect opportunity so take it. Do not wait to get solicitor advice. Plenty of v knowledgeable people on this thread have given advice when you asked for it

99bottlesofkombucha · 06/08/2026 11:55

UpDownAllAround1 · 06/08/2026 09:41

Right, your emergency lock change needs to be this weekend. Perfect opportunity so take it. Do not wait to get solicitor advice. Plenty of v knowledgeable people on this thread have given advice when you asked for it

THIS

WiddlinDiddlin · 06/08/2026 14:34

Yep, wait til he's out, change the locks, inform police you're a domestic abuse victim with a controlling manipulative relative squatting and you may need support. Give him a date to collect his stuff, or a time. Whatever works for you.

If he thinks he has any legal right to remain in your property, then HE can waste his money with legal action - I guarantee he won't because no ones actually going to take on a case where he can't provide any evidence that he was ever a tenant with tenants rights. So you can safely ignore any bluster and blather that comes outta him, and I am sure there will be plenty, but it is all just hot air.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread