DH angry about my behaviour at playdate

He's behaved in a way which is making you not want to invite people over, I would never want to live like that. I think you need to start getting your ducks in a row because its not getting better.

5 bottles of wine a week? Sounds like a functioning alcoholic.

maybe not the butt of the joke, but you answered him in a sarcastic way as though what he was asking was stupid. I wouldn’t have seen it that way, but he might have.

Sounds like he was jealous that you were drinking and he wasn't. How is he when he's drinking OP? Does he relax, is he more talkative or is he still miserable?

He didn’t call her that though did he

Well here is a potential solution to one of the major issues that is slowly but surely destroying your marriage. Stop buying him alcohol.

If my husband called me a c* I would immediately leave and never look back.

He drinks a bottle of wine at least 5 nights a week

He definitely has a problem with drinking!

God this picture gets sadder and sadder. What an awful influence on your child. I hope you can split OP

Why won’t he go to the shop himself??

Silent treatment is emotionally abusive and it sounds like he’s really hard to be around. At this stage he needs therapy to work through his childhood abuse and emotional avoidance. I think he also needs to pursue a diagnosis because right now he is blaming everything, including his drinking, on being autistic but it could be trauma and lack of coping skills, or it could be that and autism as well. Why is he resistant to therapy or getting a diagnosis? I think it’s clear something needs to change or the relationship will be over

So he's self diagnosed himself with autism and uses it as an excuse to drink to excess and be a crappy person? And he refuses to get a proper diagnosis? Yeah, he's not autistic, he's just an alcoholic arsehole.

Sounds like he has a lot of issues, and five bottles of wine a week, every week, isn’t healthy drinking, especially if he does it to “cope”.

He drinks a bottle of wine a night. Sounds like he didn't drink that night and got moody.

@Plastictreesofgold and yet another grown otherwise functioning adult wanting to blame autism for awful behaviour. Clearly a man child who hasn't coped well with not being the focus of your attention since having an actual child.
Whether autism, trauma or just a nasty personality he is choosing to behave like this.
I wouldn't trust him to potentially have 50% care either although I doubt someone as selfish as this would want that.
In your shoes for now I'd treat him like a lodger and have as little to do with him as possible other than whatever bit of parenting he actually does.

He wasn't drinking. OP and her friend shared a bottle of wine so not exactly tanking it?

My husband is most certainly high functioning autistic. He has ADHD as well. We are currently separated but one of the difficulties we had in our marriage is that he often detected a tone in the way I talk to him and ask for things. This was completely unintentional by me. Maybe he was right but he fails to look at the bigger picture of what is going on. Like I can’t be tired or frustrated about something else or respond with TLC if my tone is anxious or stressed.

He is a kind person but gets frozen when he has to process these ‘slights’. He shuts down which makes me feel like I am being frozen out and i respond defensively. Then we have very unpleasant arguments. It is an awful cycle that unfortunately I let go on for too many years and I feel that we have passed the point of repair. He didn’t call me swear words but he would say some very cutting things.

if anything I would urge you to do counseling on your own if he isn’t open to couples counseling. Definitely find someone with experience in ND relationship if you wish to do counseling. My oldest son ASD OCD ADHD has a similar response but we have a different dynamic due to the fact that we are parent-son but the fixation that fairly innocuous statements are passive aggressive or demands.

Not all autistic men behave / respond this way but I am sharing my experience.

My DH is autistic with childhood trauma, and his behaviour is not caused by autism. His inability to handle conflict like a grown up might be due to his upbringing, but it depends if he does the same in work/with others or if he just acts like this with you? Either way, its no excuse and and he should be getting help for both this and the drinking. He's clearly not in a good place overall, its not your responsibility to fix that and its on him not to be taking any steps to help himself.

I'd have been tempted to say, "well if the word fits" but appreciate that wouldn't have been helpful. His behaviour isn't ok but he has to want to look at his own issues here.

He sounds awful. Although he might have felt the butt of the first joke. But his attitude towards you isn’t nice at all. Don’t know how you’ve put up with it for 6 years.

I think you're in trouble. Having a child has changed him. Whether this is due to triggers from the past, or whether like a lot of men he finds family life a chore and resents the time your child takes up isn't clear.
However, regardless, he is quietly quitting and picking on you to justify it.
If you're to have a chance he has to see this as something he wants to fix. He needs to take responsibility for addressing his use of alcohol to cope for starters. I'm not sure with a 6 year old I'd want to be around for that in all honesty, so would be seriously considering time apart while he deals with his issues, then see where you are.

Maybe he is autistic but he could go for an assessment to find out.
He has at a minimum a problem with alcohol or is an alcoholic.
The silent treatment is abusive - it doesn’t matter how awful his childhood was.
You deserve to be treated decently.
He needs to sort him self out and you would benefit from having stronger boundaries around him.
I suggest just to cheerfully get on w life. Ignore his silent tantrum. I these circumstances it can help to protect your self emotionally. It’s a tough situation.