I'm feeling a bit unsettled about DHs behaviour so looking for people's perspectives.
For background Me and DH are in our 40s married 10 years with one DD who is 6. I would say since having DD the relationship has become strained, very little intimacy and in general he just seems withdrawn and unhappy. Ive raised concerns asked for us to attend couples counselling he has refused. My main issue is that he will often go silent fully ignore me if I say something to me or give one word or grunts as answers.
My DH suspects he is autistic I agree it seems likely though he has severe childhood trauma too so that could be a factor, he blames his behaviour (silent treatment) on the autism but he's never moved forward with diagnosis. He drinks a bottle of wine at least 5 nights a week he says its because of the stress of masking.
On Friday we had a playdate with my childs friend and her mum who I've become good friends with we hadn't seen each in ages she brought a bottle of wine and we had the nicest catch up. I rarely get to see my friends and had a tough week work wise so it was nice to laugh and connect with someone. My husband would also be friendly with this woman but immediately when she arrived he said he was going upstairs and didn't sit down at all (he finds social interactions draining so assume he was happier watching TV upstairs) he came down twice over the 3.5hrs once to ask me if the dog was fed. I joked " we got carried away sorry no, not a child in the house washed or fed" and the second time he came back from walking the dog I was in the middle of telling my friend a story about something we had been discussing when she first arrived and when he came in I said "I promise we've chatted about other things too haha" he was otherwise silent when he came into the room.
When my friend left I could tell the energy with DH was off he went to bed without saying goodnight (he wasworking early sat morning,) and when I text him the next morning to say my DD ended up vomiting during the night he didn't respond.
When he got home he told me that I was obnoxious and treated him like a "c@#t' in front of my friend and that I "always do it," when questioned about what I said he said it was my tone. He was really angry but said he wouldn't discuss it further and announced he was going for a nap.
I'm baffled, because I thought my awkward jokey responses when he came in were fine..... certainly not meant to upset him and I'm still confused as to why they upset him.
I feel so unsettled and weird now because i feel like when me and my DD were downstairs having fun with our friends he was sitting upstairs silently seething at me over something I had no idea about. Its made me not want to have anyone over while he's here and honestly I'm starting to think there's no saving this marriage now but the thoughts of having to share custody and not live with my daughter all the time terrifies me.