AIBU to expect my husband to learn basic household habits?

I have ADHD but I also have adult children who are prone to coming by if they are passing. So I do my very best to make sure my house isn't full of dirty washing/unwashed plates/kitchen tidy and loose paperwork/mail is tidied away. It's a great incentive, and being ADHD doesn't mean that stuff HAS to be left all over the place.

They're not 'man things'. They're people things. Behaviours exhibited by both sexes.

But IME women, including me are more bothered by them and complain about them more then men do.

So then it becomes 'men do this' rather than 'people do this'.

Why are some men seemingly incapable of learning basic household habits?

They really aren’t, yours just doesn’t respect you. It’s honestly that simple. Most people in these relationships realise this at some point.

What's wrong with doing that? I do it all the time for plates with a few crumbs

And I disagree with PP: there is no valid reason to delay putting a dirty tissue in the bin or dirty laundry in the basket.
Say you are sitting down, you blow your nose, next time you get up you just take it directly to the bin.
Cupboard door: you take something and close the door, why leave it open and then come back to it later to close it?? (Except when actively cooking and expecting to need several things from the same cupboard)

People do get divorced over stuff like this. Resentment builds when you have to repeatedly ask someone to do basic things and then tidy up after them, because if they really cared they would just pick up the socks or put away the glass. I think if you are a functioning person, fairly nice, and can do things like hold down a job, you can make the effort to remember to tidy up after yourself.
I’ve had past relationships with men like this and it’s worried me because if he can’t remember to do basic things, then would he remember to do things like check a baby’s play area for choking hazards or make sure their uniform is clean for school or feed a pet and clean their litter tray/cage/poop. If the answer is no then he’s not a partner, and if the answer is yes then he could choose to take his own housework off my plate, but he just doesn’t care enough to.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288/amp

It stems from a deeply ingrained sense of entitlement and lack of respect

Do what I did with my 12yo DS: stop doing it for him and call him every single time « DH, I think you forgot your dirty socks on the floor » (with the expectation that he interrupts what he is doing to come sort it out straightaway).
No angry tone, more like « oops you forgot again ».
If that doesn’t work, start calling him when he is in the middle of something he enjoys. After a few times calling DS during his screen time he miraculously started remembering to put his clothes in the basket and not on the floor in the bathroom…

It's taken me 32 years to get my husband to manage basic household habits!As I've often said to him, just because I was born with a vagina, it doesn't mean that I automatically knew how to do them and it's not fair that only women are expected (by some men) to do these tasks.
Finally though, I've got somebody who does more than his fair share and it's wonderful. For my part, I've learnt to ignore that he doesn't always do things the way I do them, that's just life and if you want somebody to do their fair share, there has to be some give and take on both sides.

Why don't you just leave them? If he was planning to re use later in the day just leave it out?

Do you know my SIL? Her house is like this. It’s a pit!

I'm thankful that mine and my husband's "tidy levels" are pretty similar, not absolute pigs but not real neat freaks either 😂

"How would they test that at this stage, since he “is able to read fine” given career progression?"

When I was in juniors, they told my mum not to teach me to read as they an a new method for reading that had been brought it, she did as they asked untill they put me in a remedial group for reading, she then got out a MASSIVE book, the home lawyer and proceded to teach me to read, I dont remember being in the remedial group for more than a week.. I could read,

On to secondary school, my spelling and handwriting is atrocious, my reading age being 2-3 years above the rest of the class. One parent evening my english teacher told my mom that there was a new thing called word blindness that had been discovered and she thinks I may have it, my mum asked what could be done about it, teacher answered nothing theres no money for it, I belive "word blindness" went on to be dyslexia, - being good at reading, doesnt rule out being dyslexic - im also messy, no matter how hard I try i dont SEE it.

He’s just lazy and can’t be bothered.

My mother was a workaholic who’d never step foot at home if she could and we didn’t turn out like that. My partner has ADHD and had a sorry excuse of a mother and also sorted his habits out once he grew up and realised it wasn’t okay.

My two year old DS drops his dirty clothes over the stair gate I have between the living room and kitchen, I'd expect a grown man to put his socks in the washing basket! (My washing basket is in the kitchen.)

Pretty sure my DP thinks all this stuff about me, tbh. I’m a woman. I don’t really notice this sort of thing until it becomes a big deal.

Stop doing it for him . . . at the moment there are no consequences.

My teenage children help out with chores and keep things tidy, they clean their own rooms and communal ones.
As their mother I have brought them up from an early age to help around the house - I see my role as a mother to teach them how to keep house, not to do everything for them.
Treating someone ‘like your mother’ means you are going to do things to help them, not expect them to tidy up after you!