AIBU to expect my husband to learn basic household habits?

Of course he sees it. He just leaves it for you to clean up since he knows that's what you'll do as well as somehow make you think that expecting a grown man to clean up after himself is having unrealistic expectations.

If it involves his socks, his shoes etc leave them. It's his problem if he runs out of clean socks or can't find his shoes.

You’d really end a marriage because your husband leaves his socks on the floor? 😂

Not sure it sounds like weaponised incompetence, more like weaponised not giving a fuck.
He doesn't do it because you will and he DOESN'T CARE.

is he by any chance dyslexic? these things are a very strong trait in people who are, they just don't see the logical path for such things. My friend can make a cup of tea and the teaspoon is left in one part of the kitchen, the milk bottle in another and the lid in a part of the kitchen that you have to wonder why he was even there! Also highly intelligent with a very successful technical career!

That’s the first unreasonable thing you’ve said. I keep a glass and a mug all day, reusing them.

Apart from that, sit him down. Tell him this is serious, that you can’t fancy someone who does basic adult tasks like a teenager. Warn him you will start putting grotty stuff in his work bag, on his pillow and in his place at the table.

Sorry but I don’t think he’s lovely and I never would have married him. Also, I found your post quite insulting towards decent men. Of course having a penis doesn’t mean you treat your loved ones as if they’re your slaves.

Institute a "have you checked the house for anything that isn't where it should be" after dinner each evening and get him to go around and clean up his stuff. Guarantee of you stick to that rule (which is pretty hard for him to reasonably argue with) he'll gradually get better at it...

He’s interested in his job but not in you being a full human.

You have my full sympathies! I have a DH exactly the same, plus he leaves every fucking drawer and cupboard open and used tea bags and fruit cuttings out on the side. God forbid he would ever put an empty milk bottle in the recycling or that plastic seal thing under the lid on opening a new bottle.
It drives me insane but I’ve never managed to cure him in 30 years.
I mean, he does have redeeming qualities (does all the cooking and food-shopping) and is pretty good at spring-cleaning and reorganising cupboards and going to the dump. Makes me endless drinks and snacks. Organises our social life and hosts large numbers with food and drink whilst I float around chatting.
But of course, clear it all up.

Didn't you notice any of this before the wedding?

I hear you! I eventually stopped picking up my DH’s socks/pants. He then ran out of socks. Tough, if it isn’t in the basket, it doesn’t get washed. My latest whinge is leaving the breakfast dishes on top of, rather than inside, the dishwasher. Just why? He knows I won’t wash them up, they will go in the dishwasher. I can’t really complain, he does most of the cooking (I clear/wipe down the cooker/put leftovers away) and deals with the finances. He certainly does his fair share, but has probably never cleaned a toilet in his life. He never leaves a mess, but if I want a clean seat, I’d better clean it!

I think repeatedly reminding does ultimately work, but it’s pretty damn obvious and you shouldn’t have to keep saying it.

If you don't have kids with him @edvardsghost then thank your lucky stars, give him 3m to get his act together or leave. Don't procreate with this child who will be a crap father.

Start shoving them in his work bag 🤣

Mine is generally great but never puts the salt and pepper grinders back in the correct place (next to the spice rack against the wall, not in the middle of the worktop) and, never puts his coffee mug in the cupboard, just leaves it next to the kettle.

For your DH, I would throw all his stuff in the corner and refuse to help when he's lost his shoes. Socks can stay on the floor until he runs out as none have been laundered. You need to create sneaky inconvenience!

But does he expect you to clear it up or is he happy with things being a bit untidy? I am quite untidy myself and would not enjoy being shouted at for this. There has to be a mutual agreement about household standards.

I know! It's like living with a teenager rather than a grown man you're supposed to be in equal partnership with. Mine has been known to use a plate for a sandwich or something and then just knock the crumbs off before putting it back in the cupboard. I managed to stop that carry on. But I think a lot of them just don't see it. It's just not that important to them.