AIBU to want a few child-free years before a fourth?

It’s also hard, though rewarding, work. Why not do some training sessions together now?

Why does he want a 4th?

A vasectomy reversal is not offered on the NHS so you would need be pay privately, and the chances of sperm returning decreases each year since the vasectomy. If you do want a chance at another biological child, he is better having the vasectomy reversed sooner rather than later even if you put off TTC for another few years.

Also vasectomy reversal success rates are very high, but lessen as time goes on. Still another 3 years will still mean a very good chance.

Mine are 14, 10 (nearly 11) and 7 so roughly 3 years between each
Sometimes finding things that entertain the 14 year old and the 7 year old is really hard as there’s a big gap so my advice to you would be to consider it sooner rather then later.

Also I think as 32, 35 and 39 when I had my kids and I can definately say that the older I got, the harder it was - plus having other kids to look after too added to that.

To be honest there is no guarantee that the vasectomy reversal will work either and there is likely to be a wait for this (unless you go private)

If it was me it would be a “now or never” situation I think. I’d only planned 2, my 3rd was a surprise when my coil became loose after weight loss! But I love 3 however had I been 10 years younger would absolutely have considered a 4th.

good luck whatever you decide x

3 kids, vasectomy and now wanting a reversal all by 26 is a lot, I think even he needs to just wait a few years because he’s obviously not that clear on what he wants himself. Reversals aren’t guaranteed anyway so he may have already ruined his own fertility at such a young age, I’m surprised a doctor agreed really. I think go with your plan, wait a few years and then decide either way, I recommend neither of you commit to having another or not because you don’t need to decide yet and are both undecided anyway

I am being nosy but, as a parent of a young adult struggling to live independently and support himself on one salary, I cannot help but wonder what you and your DH do for a job at 27 and 26 to earn enough for a family of 5 and to plan to increase it to 6.

Fostering isn’t an option imo if you want another child. It’s looking after other people’s children from anything from 1 night to 18 years and it is a job (a brilliant one, but not as an alternative to parenthood).

I’m a vasectomy reversal baby, but my parents had 2 more so the bigger gap meant we still had each other to grow up with. As adults I am best friends with one of my siblings who is actually 10 years older than me.

On one hand I think age gaps are totally fine so why rush it as you’re so young. On the other hand you are not child free until you’re 30 as you have a 2 year old plus others so if you are already in the trenches why not just finish the job now.

But if it were me, I’d leave a gap.

I’m 39 and have an 11 year old and 9 year old… my partner asked me if I’d consider another a baby and realistically I’d be in my 40s with 2 in high school as I was having a new baby… I told him my coil is in for another 4 years so if by some miracle it happens then it’s meant to be but if it was a dealbreaker to find someone else. He also has a child with significant needs and the dynamics work well as we are and told him we need to think about the children we already have.

vastectomy reversals also aren’t usually great for “success” are they? He had one for a reason! How old is he?

I know a few parents who had a bit of a gap from having babies in their 20’s.
it’s like a new puppy, it brings hard work and a lot of joy. Especially seeing the older ones looking out for the new arrival.
Have the break.

Ok, but surely you must both have thought you were done in order for him to have a vasectomy? As reversal is possible sometimes but not ideal or reliable. So what’s changed?

How old is DH and why did he have a vasectomy?

You are so young to have 3 children OP, I'd leave it as 3!

This. Four is a lot. So is three.

You are 27 years old with three children already. Have you even had time for yourself and your own life?

Youre so young

Imo, stop at 3

Who knows who you will be in 5 years time 😳

If he loves being a dad, what's so unfulfilling about having 'only' 3 kids, but where a fourth will be great? How likely is it that after a fourth it'll be 'oh just one more' because babies are cute? You've got to stop somewhere.

If you’re definitely going to have another get it done.
I get your point of view but for the child I think having a large age gap between three older siblings and a youngest one is unfair to plan it that way.
I have an age gap between 3 & 4 (not planned!), and he often feels a bit left out of things when the older three are at a different life stage.
For me I wish there was less gap because my intense parenting days might now be less intense!

I didn't have a pregnancy in my 20s but am always bemused by people talking about how difficult their 30s pregnancy was as if they were ancient. I did it twice (before 34 admittedly) and carried on completely as normal, playing sports and working in an active, stressful job with a commute until 3 days before giving birth. Some of it is luck with how your body deals with pregnancy but I think a great deal is also to do with your general fitness and also your mindset.

There is a gap of 7 years between my mom's 3rd and 4th . People do ask my younger siblings if they have a different dad 😆 🤣. My parents had 3 close together in their 20s like you and thought they had finished their family but they decided to have 2 more in their 30s . I think you are right to take a break get back to yourself and consider going again when your dc are all in school. The gap didn't affect the sibling relationship at all , if anything we are very close because I babysat the younger ones and watched them grow .

I think it’s a terrible idea to have another one. No matter how much money you currently have things can and will change, and you will either end up raising three/four on your own or on your own with one of them being disabled. Why would you tempt the gods? Just chill out and raise the ones you have.

At no point in your post is it clear whether you want a fourth child or not. Are you happy to stick with 3? If so it’s totally fine to say that. As the mother you’ll take on the brunt of the work regardless of adopting or carrying a child yourself.

I just wouldn’t have another child. Unless you have lots of money, 4 is a lot of children. It is not just about paying for them when they are young, but you have to think about them as teens and young adults. Most parents help their children financially through university to prevent a huge debt pile up.

My thought too 🤣🤣 I think she meant to say baby-free… I hope!

Honestly i would do it now. You’re already dealing with nappies and naps and what not. To leave all that behind and then start again will be hard. That said two was plenty for me. You are brave