AIBU to want a few child-free years before a fourth?

You have spent your entire 20s having kids. Don't you want to do something else in your 30s: travel, pick up hobbies, or just simply have more freedom?

You do realise that most people these days don’t have a first until after 30, and that waiting a few years will not make you an older mum right?

I had my first at 31yo and was one of the ‘younger mums’ when my first hit school, had several, and never had an ‘older mum’ descriptor. Realistically, that’s saved for mums over 40 these days.

God no, three is plenty.

Your body has been through so much. Adoption and fostering are great in theory but you have to be 100% that it is specifically what you want as it is incredibly hard - so don’t do it just as a reason to avoid pregnancy.

I think you have enough on your plate.

In a few years time you’ll have a bit of independence with your kids at school and can have a slightly less exhausting 30s.

I think all of these answers show that there is no right answer or age gap but don't be persuaded into another baby when you aren't ready. I am one of 6, so when last one born there was an 18, 12, 8, 3, 2 and new baby. My own two are 11 years apart,

The thing you really can't control is what the child is like, whether they make the family complete or whether they are a slightly unwell child that whinges and complains and sucks the joy out of everything ... (quoting someone i know about her third) or anything between,

All the best.

Have a break, have a beer KitKat.

This is such an odd response. She MIGHT end up raising them alone, but why would one of her children be disabled? (I ask that as the parent of a child with a disability so....)

I only have two, but they are 8 and 11 now and no way would I go back to the baby stage. Occupying them and a baby would be too much I think, their needs are too different. I wouldn’t want to be helping an older kid with their homework whilst trying to keep a toddler quiet. Days out with my two are fun now and I can sit back and watch them play without being preoccupied about having a smaller one run off in a different direction. So I actually think if you’re going to have a 4th do it sooner rather than later. I’m a single parent though and my exh is pretty useless so that may be tainting my view

😂😂😂

I had 3 at ages 26, 29 and 34. I didn’t want them closer hence the 5 year gap. Ideally I would have had them all by age 30. I would give it a few years and maybe consider adoption since you’re open to that option. I am hoping if things work out for us we may adopt but unlike you I am 40 with a 13, almost 11 and 5 year old.
Also with those ages, you are soon going to be stuck in loads of homework, sports, etc and on top of that work and running a home between the two of you. That takes a lot of time and effort, I know you have family but it is a lot of organising.

Are you selfish for not wanting to out your body and mind through another pregnancy, labour and breastfeeding??

NO.

Your husband sounds like a good egg, but you both need to be all in for any child, let alone a 4th. Especially you as the one who grows and births it.

Enjoy the rest of your twenties and see how you feel in a few years. You'll never get this time back again.

I know two families w 4 kids - both well off in large houses, driving big cars and dealing w quite a lot of issues w their kids over the years.

I have two DC, now adults. I thought about no3 when the youngest started school but I decided to go back to work instead. Right decision.

Rather than thinking if you can afford it now, it might be worth thinking about if worst case scenario happened, you and DH split up, he didnt pay for the kids, one of you got ill etc. How would that work financially (and you need to take out the 'he would pay child support' element, just really worse case scenario it)

I mean a vasectomy is supposed to be seen as permanent rather than just have it for a couple of years then reverse it. It will be expensive and it is worse than the original op.

We had three by the time dh was 27 and dh got snipped. Wild horses and a million pounds couldn’t make me go for a 4th. I’d always said once our youngest was in school that’s it shops shut I was not going back to nappies and sleepless night after getting rid of them.

Also a bigger age gap makes the child more like an only because they don’t have playmates their age at home and yes I know not all siblings get along but generally they can muddle along. It also makes trips out harder trying to cater to everyone, as while the older ones can enjoy say Alton towers the toddler can’t so much and someone’s always got to then stand off holding the toddler. Just adds extra layers.

Oh okay - my coworker is the latter. I’m not sure about her partner, but I’m fairly confident it’s about the same.

I’ve never been pregnant in my 20s but had a pregnancy in my early 30s and one in my late 30s and they were both grand . Mild morning sickness and needing to pee a lot in the end . I assume people in their 20s have the same issues . Most people in their 30s have healthy young bodies well fit for pregnancy

You’re 27 with 3 kids and you’ve spent the best years being your 20’s just bearing and raising children. No wonder you want to do normal things like go out and have some freedom.
No Need for a 4th at your ages.

Also once all kids are in school you might enjoy doing all the stuff that you haven't been able to do.

It is doable of course but depends on whether the parents are earning enough for such a big family (my question was genuine) or doing minimum hours and the rest is benefits.

Personally I'd get it out the way with, so to speak! Your youngest is still little, I'd much rather have another whilst still in the headspace of having little children rather than getting used to life with children with increasing independence and starting all over again! That's just me though

My circumstances are very similar to yours.
I have 4 children. I had my first when I was 20 years old and my last when I was 30.
There is a 2 years and 8 month gap between DC1 and DC2.
And 2 years and 8 months gap between DC2 and DC3.
Then a 4 years and 6 months gap between DC3 and DC4.

Despite having an almost 10 year age gap, DC 1 and 4 get on well and often go on holiday together.

No guarantees the reversal will work or that you will be allowed to adopt or foster. I am not sure a family with three children will be seen as the best candidates for adoption and fostering. Personally I would say no.

My coworker is 27 with 3 children, I suppose depending on where you live it’s doable.

I really wouldn’t have a 4th. Having teens is really demanding. I wish I had known that the real parenting begins then and not when are little tots. Enjoy and look after the dc you have, live a little now you have finished. There is much more to life than churning out babies op. Surely you would like some time to yourself?