AIBU to want a few child-free years before a fourth?

This is true too.

When you have all tinies as you currently have, you can’t really understand how much they’ll cost as teens.

Three is more than enough. The planet is literally on fire. Go on and enjoy yourself and appreciate what you have. Your DH needs to consider the worst case scenario with another child - job loss, illness of anyone, a child with additional needs.

Say No OP. Do you really need another one?

You haven’t mentioned any investment into yourself. Have you studied further, gained proper experience, invested into you before having all these kids?

You're in the super cheap phase of having children at the moment.

Wait 10 years and then see if you can afford another.

Child free years? What you doing with your 3 current kids?? 🤣

I had 3 at 29 and then number 4 at 39. Don't regret a thing. Yes I had less energy but I had enough, and I had more money and more time for dc4. It's true that the older ones got more and more expensive, but my earning ability has gone up by a lot too, so it's not an issue.

It's been great. Youngest is 11 now and the adult siblings are great babysitters.

Op I'd stop at 3.
You've spent your entire adult life being pregnant or dealing with a very young child.

Give yourself a chance to actually enjoy raising the kids you have.

As they get older hobbies become more pricy whiter it be dance, football or swimming. I know someone currently spending a fortune taking their teen to swim competitions that often require a hotel stay.

Even if one needs a tutor to help with school that's another cost to pay.

Cars 4 kids means a 7 seater car £££. Housing them, few places have holiday accommodation for 4 kids.

But lastly keeping a woman pregnant or with a small child can very often be about control and abuse. Be very careful.You can't have spent much time with him before you got pregnant with your first.

I had my kids in my late 30s, so I’m 20 years older than you with 2 still in primary school. I think if I had started having kids in
my 20s, I’d have finished then too! The thought of being my age , with grown up kids, and plenty of free time and money sounds like heaven!

Think also about the impact on your career and earning power.

Family help is always welcome. But I have found that what my parents and in laws can do in their early 70s is a lot less than what they could do ten years ago. They are all still fit and well, but looking after the kids exhausts them these days!

honestly, you're being a bit silly. pregnant at 30 is not a later pregnancy, you're not a geriatric mom, your body isn't starting to close down and wither away. many many women haven't even started having kids at that age and you're talking about it like 30 is near pensionable age. I had twins at 37.

Having a vasectomy as birth control is pretty silly. yes, it can be reversed but it isn't guaranteed
he could have the reversal and you may never get pregnant. in what ways are you not good with condoms? allergic, "it doesn't feel as good" or just don't bother?

I think if a bio child is even a consideration, I'd get the vasectomy reversed earlier rather than later and work on a suitable birth control.

do you have the space and support to foster or adopt? is there room for them to have their own room, do you have capacity to take on children with unspecified extra needs?

Had my first at 37 and my second at 41. I didn't notice a difference between how I felt or coped during my pregnancies and I manged as well as co-workers who were in their mid 20s and early 30s. I don't think what your mum said should be a deciding factor. There are lots of other things to consider and take in to account, but putting off until early 30s because you want a break and thinking you may be too old shouldn't be one of them in my opinion.

I think lots of couples fall down on contraception; at least you’re honest about it! But 3 kids, possibly going to university or doing an internship, will require increased financial support as they grow up, especially if you want to give them holidays and driving lessons.

Tbh you often need a people carrier for 3 anyway and holidays are pretty similar given you've already purchased an extra room for the 5th person.

Yeah if you want that for yourself then that's reasonable. More than reasonable!

And if you agree with him re fostering or adoption then there really is no need to worry about either of your biological capabilities in the future.

But you have also probably plenty of time to have another bio kid even if you leave it a few years. Four is quite a lot. You may both mutually decide actually the family is complete.

Quit while you are ahead.
You never know what might happen with number four and you have three healthy children.
If you wait five years your youngest will be at school and life with primary age kids is infinitely easier than under fives, I'd be very surprised if you wanted to go right back to baby drudgery then.

Having said that I had my first at 38 and second at 40. DH was 46 and 48.
It was fine physically but difficult mentally getting used to a baby after 20 child free years with DH. I have wanted a third but we decided to stop at two healthy children.

I’m one of four. Don’t do it. Particularly don’t do it after a gap when they’ve got used to being a three. Don’t get me wrong I love my siblings but it would have been easier if we’d been four or five in the family instead of six.

You’ll need a bigger car and probably a bigger house, particularly if you have three girls/boys and one of the other. We were in a four bed but it would had been easier if there had been two bathrooms and five bedrooms. It is much more expensive than you think.

But money aside, it’s actually parental attention that is spread too thin. My parents then suggested having a foster child. I was told I could say no, but I knew my view wouldn’t count. Fortunately they were turned down for lack of space. Had they been approved I would have been even more desperately unhappy. Particularly if a child had serious emotional problems.

Your DH had a vasectomy for a reason. Last night was a single conversation. Wait at least six months and have many more conversations, and if he is pressuring you, it might be a form of control.

But seriously, don’t have a fourth, Enjoy your three.

I've only ever been pregnant in my 30s and all mine were easy. I think it just depends on the specific pregnancy rather than your age.

Yes, consider having 4 young adults who may want to go to uni or have trouble finding jobs/ moving out when AI takes over.

This.

my son is 20 I can’t imagine him being a dad any time soon. You’re young and your kids will largely independent by the time you’re 40, so still pretty young. And like it or not there’s a chance your marriage won’t last and you’ll effectively be a single mum, harder with 4 than 3. I’d stop where you are. It was stupid to have a vasectomy without at least the intent it’d be permanent

Are you aware reversals cost about £4k?
Do you have a 5 bedroom house and tonnes of savings for uni x 4?
Will you be able to give 4 kids all the time and attention required?
Id tell him no and stick at 3, personally.
4 is people carrier and eye watering holiday cost territory, fuck that. 🙂

Your DH loves being a Dad to 3 gorgeous little cute, compliant babies who's biggest problem is their beans touching their nuggets.

But how good is he at parenting and providing for 4 teenagers who are often challenging, sometimes trying and who need reassurance, patience and understanding without giving the same in return?
What does he think 4 kids will fulfill that 3 can't?
Would another child really bring more positives than what it will cost your family in terms of spreading time and resources more thinly?

Parenting changes as the kids grow. Make decisions for the long term, not a new cute toddler now.

Honestly, you sound like you wouldn't consider a fourth if he wasn't pushing for it.

Pregnancy in your 30s is completely fine and normal. But honestly all your reasons for wanting a gap are very valid reasons to stick at three. You might decide you're enjoying your freedom from the relentlessness of the baby phase. You shouldn't have four for your husband.

I would also consider the finances of a fourth child, school trips and holidays as they get older (plus hobbies are notoriously more expensive when they reach teenage years!).
Adult children are also staying 'at home' far longer now as property prices are so expensive, there's a high chance all four might have to stay well into their 20s. Plus you may have to help them out with deposits etc.
All things to think about.
I definitely don't think it's unreasonable to have a break for a few years and revisit when you're 30 :)
27 is very young! Enjoy it

HRTFT...my large age gap (I don't think yours potentially of five years is a huge) of ten years is between DC1 and 2. I had DC at 23, 33 and 35. I think I had more energy in my twenties, but was far more confident and patient in my thirties. It balanced itself out.

DC1&2 are very close and work together. DH was 28 when DC1 was born and 40 when we had our youngest. I think DH had slowed down a lot in the two youngest's teen years. They are all adult now, I wouldn't change anything.