Partners nights out

Dies this person have no relationship if their own . Just wondering how they are available every evening for dinner and drinks . Sending that much time together seems to point to an emotional connection if not a physical one yet . I think you are right to be concerned, they are deliberately minimising it to make you doubt yourself.

And yes the gender is relevant. If you are in a heterosexual relationship than a same sex person is not likely to be someone they are attracted to . And the same applies if you are in a same sex relationship and the person is the opposite.

I get networking. I even get friendships with the opposite sex. But meeting up EVERY time he’s in the same city? And for such long evenings?

Then add the long gaps in communicating, plus the secrecy, the defensiveness and the ‘inability’ to acknowledge OP’s very reasonable concerns… I’d say that there are a lot of red flags here.

Hmm I'm not sure. The fact they are telling you about it is good so they might genuinely be friends.

There's not a lot you can do. Either trust them or split.

But you don't say if your partner is someone who needs to network, that it's an important part of the job...it was for me. The job offer came from an ex client who I still kept in contact with

Excellently put @Goatsarebest

I think the bit from OP about MN responding differently to different sexes and the OP saying they don't think the sex is relevant but they are oposite sex and they are not in same sex relationships, pretty much means it's this.
All the subterfuge and deliberate vagueness is hideous.
OP, if you want an opinion. If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck and quacks, it's highly likely to be a duck.
Then there's the well established 'the lady doth protest too much, methinks'

My opinion. A partner who works away and regularly meets someone in the town, who has nothing to do with the reason they are in the town, and stays up drinking in a hotel bar until midnight with them as the meet up, and then protests and closes down the concerns of their partner, is definitely a duck protesting too much.
But all that will happen is the duck will stop quacking and you'll be kept out of the loop from now on.

Sorry @Yourejusthappytobehere, I think there are definitely some red flags waving about this situation.

I think a loving caring partner would be reassuring you that they loved YOU, and were not interested in this other person except as a friendly face when they're working away.

Instead of which your partner is angry that you would dare to question their motives.

Do they spend social time with actual work colleagues when they're away, or just this person?

Are they more protective of their phone than they used to be?

Have they done anything different re sex eg different position/words etc?

Lots of questions, OP, not sure how you're going to get answers.

One of those where we assume the op is a woman and the partner is a male and the op comes through with - Oh, we're both women / Oh, I am a man and my partner is a woman so gotcha! So sodding tedious.

So no need for them to meet up. He's chosen to attached this. Trust your gut.

As someone who worked away a lot having someone to eat with is fantastic. You sit alone in a restaurant and even taking a book its bloody depressing at times.

You don't say if your partner is away with others. Remember if they are working at a different office, the people who always work there have homes to go to and lives to lead outside of work (again person experience)

Plus is this person someone he needs to network with for work. I had a role in client management where I would often build relationships with people for the long term for my and my employers benefit...it lead to me being offered a massive job with a large car manufacturer which was double my salary and a luxury company car and subsidised mortgage...for personal reasons I couldn't take it (there wasn't a pub for 20 miles that served decent cider)

Does his employer have a work hard play hard mentality? That's part of it too

What has your partner said about why they're seeing this person so much?

Have you seen the messages between them?

Of course men and women can be friends. But if they’re spending more time with this person than the two of you are having date nights, then that’s not cool.

Likewise, I think men and women can have emotional connections that are platonic, but if the other person becomes their primary source of emotional connection and support, then it’s an emotional affair.

It’s not OK to be putting more effort into your connection with a friend if the opposite sex than you do with your partner.

I trust my DH but wouldn’t be happy with this OP. It might be entirely innocent but it feels like a slippery slope into at least an emotional affair.

how often do the two of you manage to get out for dinner and late night drinks on your own? That might help him to gain some perspective

To be fair to your husband if there was something going on would t he lie about it. The fact he is telling you who he is with should reassure you nothing is going on

You either trust them or you don't.. sounds like you don't.

To be clear, I'm not trying to be a cool wife but personal experience and many MANY years of dwelling on the Relationshops board, if they want to cheat, they will, regardless of;

• if they're happy at home
• if they're having regular sex with you
• if there are children
• if they've said 'they never will'
• if theres no time in their day to cheat and they never go anywhere
• if they've been cheated on previously...

If they want to, they will (and that goes for either sex too) so you have to decide whether you believe them. And if you don't, whether it's a dealbreaker for you!

Also just saying they know they’re in the wrong or they would not have stopped messaging. If they genuinely thought it was a non issue they’d be open about it

Yeah Id not be cool with it 2 nights in a row especially as its drinking and late nights...daytime coffee would feel more chilled. But everyone's boundaries are different.

This is a no from me and other than my direct colleague or boss who I’ve popped out the office to grab casual lunch with (like a subway lol) I’ve never ever gone for meals and drinks 1-1 while working away and I’ve worked away a lot. I do the group dinners if needed

I'd be very unhappy about it and would NOT tolerate being told i was being unreasonable.

Its be a deal breaker for me. It stops or bye bye.

My DH would say the same to me if the roles were reversed. And he'd be right.