Found messages last night and we’re due to go away Friday, am I overreacting

Had to be police didn’t it with a trainee.

2am messages.

Eugh

@vaguelyvexedoh god, the police service is full of this shit and I’ve known personally two marriages break down because of affairs with younger colleagues. Only a sample of two but I’ve only known two police officers!

Flirty, late night, much younger woman who is less senior. It really doesn’t look good OP. You don’t HAVE to accept this and get over it just because he wants you to.

Even if she did, he's reciprocating and responding to her messages. He's got six kids for god's sake and OP is looking after all six of them, including the two that aren't hers.

Maybe he wants to have even more kids and make it a round dozen. He sounds like an unfaithful twat.

Good catch, I never noticed that on first read.

You say this isn't the first time. What happened on other occasions? Is this a pattern of flirting message? Has he actually cheated before?

Why did he split with his DC mum?

The Police is rife with affairs.

I personally wouldn't rush to a decision but reflect, use the holiday to consider options and then decide rationally if you can trust him and keep giving second chances.

of course he is a cop

As he is senior to her then it is crossing a line and should be reported to his Senior Officer. This is totally inappropriate. So sorry OP.

@vaguelyvexed. From what you've now said, I suggest that he has a penchant for young women and he's looking to start a sexual relationship with this young girl

He will deny this, of course

If I were you id take some time to get proof of finances/investments/pensions/savings/mortgage/
income

You said this isn’t the first time?

Aaah x-posted. Funny cos when you said how many kids and him working shifts, plus the implication of cheating (messages at least), I did think police. They can be bad for it as you must know. Good luck getting the truth from him. Whatever else he is, he's likely very good at covering things up and keeping work and home life separate. Sounds like he's always liked younger women too, if you were 21 and he already had 2 kids when you got together. Sorry, OP, I'd find it very hard to trust him.

Was he together with the mother of his eldest two dc when you got together with him?

If so, I guess that's your answer ...

Ah, 2 am texting is problematic IMO.

OK, that is quite shit. Is he in a position of authority over the woman? Does he have any say or influence in her progress at work?

This. I exchange messages with more than one ex colleagues randomly. Happy for my DH or their DW to read them, and we occasionally mention spouses. We exchange industry gossip/ ask each other for advice/ knowledge on things.

so: what did the message say, who is she, and were you the affair when you got together?

You've said what the messages aren't but not what they are. In what sense did it get out of hand? You don't have to say exact content but a bit more context on who she is and the nature of their relationship would be helpful in determining how bad this is. If he's pursuing a woman young enough to be his daughter, that's seriously grim. If he's chatting shit with someone he works with, maybe that's not too bad. There's a whole spectrum in between, but only you know.

A poster on here said once they don't believe in emotional affair.

Either it IS an affair, and someone is cheating
or it's just a friendship and a jealous partner.

I would agree with that.

I would find the number and ring it to see what's the deal.

I was a long time lurker too and used to think that it will never happen to me . Until it did .
What you have discovered is only what is shown on the phone . You don't know what has been deleted , what has gone on before , how long this is , how I imitate it's been , etc. You only know what you can prove and he will never admit to anything he thinks you won't find out about . A tale as old as time and very familiar to so many MNrs .
You don't have to do anything straight away . Take your time to think about what you want to do going forward . It's very easy for us to say LTB but it is never that simple and with six kids there is a lot to consider . See where you stand financially. If you want to , consider counselling. But let the next step be led by what you want . Do you still want to go away on Friday ? Then go or perhaps tell him to stay home or he takes kids if you want time apart . I am sorry this is happening to you . It's so soul destroying when someone you live and trust deceives you .

Quite. I message a male colleague from my last job but it really is about football and I wouldn't care if my husband read them.

It depends who she is tbh. Work colleague? The flirty banter or whatever happens in person too. If she is a total randomer from a pub then they should never have exchanged numbers in the first place.

How does he know this woman? What, broadly, did the messages say?

I think you need to know more

How long have they been messaging

How did he meet her. Why is he wanting to chat to someone at all and why someone so young

Did they sleep together

How will you know that he won't message her again

How is your marriage. Do you still have sex

What do you want to happen now. How do you feel

???

I don't think it is anti man to ask a wife worrying about a possibly errant husband how he came by another woman's details. But you do you 👍

I presume your fear is fuelled by your own history. Was your OH with someone else when he met you?

Either way. He gave her his number or she gave him her number. That’s how he come to have her number. It doesn’t just appear by magic alone.

If they haven’t met up. How? Facebook? Instagram? X? Only fans? Reddit?