AIBU to think 8.45pm is too early to expect quiet?

I feel for the new parents that are exhausted to be honest op. I would encourage the teens to go to another friends' house whilst the weather is so hot. It is the combination of very hot weather and everyone wanting to be outside.

I would probably agree with my neighbours that Friday and Saturday evenings we will be outside, including teens and during the working week to keep things quieter. That is a good compromise.

Yanbu but I do wish you and other PPs would stop saying that babies will learn to sleep through noise.

We lived in a flat in the centre of a capital city when mine were babies. By a busy road (with traffic lights so some bastards would roar off on their motorbikes at 3am) and above a restaurant. And with an insomniac neighbour who would stomp above us at all hours.

It was pure hell. Mine didn't sleep through the night until they were 7 and 5 years old respectively.....when we moved to a quieter area!!!!

I think you need to be blunt - point out the inconveniences with baby crying and cat and say but that’s normal life from having neighbours. If they can’t accept a bit of noise then they need to live away from other people. Be clear you have set a time of 10pm and will stick to it but you won’t be doing any more.

I originally thought you meant that you needed to be quiet inside by 8.45 which I thought was preposterous.

But no I don't think I would be keen on a group of six teenagers being in the garden and making lots of noise throughout the summer. And teenagers DO make noise in groups, they surely aren't just sitting chatting at a low volume the entire time - and if they are where did you find these unicorn teenagers 😂

I would just be asking your teenage son and his friends to come inside from 9pm, I don't think that's unreasonable x

She’s creating future problems by trying to create silence for her baby to sleep. She needs to be making normal everyday noise. When dd1 was a baby we lived above a beach bar which hosted club 18-30 beach parties in the summer months. That child sleeps through anything 😆. 8.45 is ridiculous to expect silence, you’d need to live somewhere rural for that (but then you get woken at 4.30 am by the birds)

YANBU at all. They are in for a rude shock as the reality is when their baby becomes a toddler they will be outside in the summer months making lots of noise but so what? That’s life.I’d continue being respectful as you and your son seem to be doing but also your son deserves to continue enjoying himself too. It’s not for long and soon enough it’ll be autumn and it’ll no longer be a problem.

They must be very light sleepers. I once had to get a child dressed and up to come with their younger sibling to A & E. I managed to strip them out of their pyjamas, completely dress them, and get their shoes laced on. I had to try to get them to wake up which ended with me trying to pin them upright against the wall. It took the second episode of wall pinning to wake them up. This was a child the household was not quiet around. Children have to learn to settle themselves back to sleep and total silence from the neighbourhood doesn't help them learn that skill. I do think mine might have over-learned that skill though.

It’s 8.45. Nor midnight! Most people are still
uo and awake and watching Coronation Street or similar! My parents were strict and dad was up at 4.30 for work but even they wouldn’t have lost their shit at me having pals round chatting at 8.45!

Why are people saying "at that time of night" its 8.45pm!! Not 11.45pm or 2am

We (family of mum, dad, and 2 teens) are often outside eating dinner "at that time of night" in the summer. Its literally late evening. If I invited s group of friends round, I wouldnt dream of shushing them or shooing them inside before 9pm for fear of being unsociable.

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I just can't picture 6 teenagers chatting quietly and I WAS a quiet teenager. My mum would have flipped if 6 of us had sat in our garden at that time for time of night, we'd have been swiftly dispersed or brought inside .

Id say 6 teens in the garden once a fortnight is not excessive, and being outside until 10 is not unreasonable. Some evenings have been extremely hot and I definitely wouldnt want to come inside and draw the curtains at 8.45

Although I personally wouldnt offer advice on how to get baby to sleep unless they specifically ask

I don't disagree with you, I just see where the neighbour is coming from and think op is underestimating how noisy and annoying this would be. My 8 yr old is autistic and I'm very mindful of not having him tearing round our yard later than about 8/8.30 just because it feels inconsiderate and he's not as noisy as 6 teens chatting, he's usually doing cartwheels on a gymnastics mat to get last minute energy out and he's not a shooter/screamer, but of laughter here and there but a high functioning kid who just needs a lot of movement. I wouldn't even have 6 adults in my garden talking at that time when people are getting settled for the night. It's not very regular in ops case so I definitely see her side.

I disagree with what people say about noisy children by the way, everyone on here seems to agree children shouldn't make any noise in a garden and their voices are nails on a blackboard

A few kids sitting in the garden chatting doesn’t make it not a quiet area. If they want silence they need to live in the countryside away from everyone else. I live in a peaceful area but people are allowed to make normal living noise at 8.45 at night. It doesn’t mean it’s rowdy or unreasonable

They still have no right to insist on it though, it’s not antisocial behaviour. It’s just crap for them with a small baby. There’s been other posts on here with people upset at neighbours out playing music, shouting and screeching in the garden daily and the posters have been told tough you can’t expect other people not to use their gardens. Same applies here. There’s nothing wrong with teens sitting outside chatting at 8.45 pm

They aren't raising their baby in a block of flats though, they've chosen what they considered to be a quiet area. Does noone else mind the noise?

Assuming it’s just regular household noise chatting, tv etc just ignore them. They are being completely ridiculous to expect neighbours to live like Trappist monks just because they, like most of the population at some point, have had a baby.

They’re being unreasonable if your teens are only really out once every two weeks. I suspect you are louder than you think you are but they also can’t expect silence at 8,45.

I remember going a bit demented once night when I had a newborn and there was a party over the road with blaring music until 12 and it was so hot. They’ll not be at their best but they also need to get an aircon unit for the baby’s room and not expect silence at 8. If they haven’t tried white noise they are being extra unreasonable - everyone I knew used white noise apps when my children were small.

I have been very tired of people being loud in the gardens or the streets recently. Normally I can shut the window and don’t mind. But in this weather it is torturous to keep the windows shut, particularly for a baby. Of course the baby can’t sleep - a group of 6 friends in the garden means regular eruptive laughter or maybe even a musical instrument. How awful for them. I bet they cannot shut the window because of the heat and your friends are making a right noise. Try and understand other people and the extreme weather conditions and tiny vulnerable humans, it’s incredibly tough on them.

Ignore them, babies need to learn to sleep with background noise. They can use a white noise machine or something if necessary

Do they are playing music or they are not playing music?

I missed this, once in 2 weeks I'd say no big deal, I was imagining daily, I apologise I assumed daily

This idea that your household is deaf and you have a dog they complain about which suggests it barks makes me think you're a lot noisier than you think you are. There's no way 5 teenagers isn't loud and annoying for your neighbour. If it's every day they have people round that's not great. Once a week or so less of an issue. It's weird if someone's complaining about kids playing out on here it's not acceptable for small kids to be making noise but it's ok for 5 teens to sit round talking? I really don't think that's as quiet as you think it is.

Were a noisy house with 2 kids and a dog whose an ahole when someone knocks the door or if another dog walks past our gate but we spend a lot of time and effort trying to.minimise that noise for our neighbours who are all adults let alone someone trying to put a baby to bed.

It’s good for baby to sleep in noise so they get used to sleeping through it. I had hoovers on when my littles were babies and they did wake sometimes but it goes them used to sleeping through noise, now. Not that this will help too much as it isn’t your baby. The neighbours need to understand you have teens and it is what it is unfortunately.

you have children too.

I was very on your side but 5 teenagers is not going to be quiet, it seems fair enough to ask a neighbour not to have half a dozen teens carrying on outside at 8.44/5, especially if it's for a brief period while you have a baby to put to bed. That's not the same as expecting you to tiptoe around your house.