AIBU to think 8.45pm is too early to expect quiet?

What a strange specific time to request you to be quiet from. I think being quiet from 10pm on a residential street is already respectful.

They are probably finding things difficult though so I can empathise, but it's unfortunately the impact of living close to other families of different ages. It's better long term if they can find a way to cope with external noise because it'll always be there.

YANBU. Babies need to learn to sleep through noise like people talking. If it was thumping music she might have a case but it's not, its normal family life. It will be her child hanging out with friends in the garden in a few years. She's just at a different stage of parenting.

No way, 8:45 is way too early! If you pander to this now they will expect it to continue for years. As you’ve said, children live and sleep in all sorts of homes with all sorts of noises so silence isn’t necessary. If they prefer silence for their child they can buy a detached house in the countryside with no neighbours!

Have you told them they don't need to apologise? It might help towards a more give and take attitude on their part.

Look all kids are different. My eldest has no other kids in the house and would have slept through an earthquake once asleep. My youngest has a noisy older brother and still was a very light sleeper until she was 4 or so, thank God it's improved because you literally couldn't go to he toilet without waking her. Sometimes it's just thebldi you get

I agree. Babies do want they want.

And they could use white noise. It’s a simple cover for random noises so they’re being silly if they won’t even try it. We had one of those sheep and it helped quite a bit.

I thought the neighbours were getting annoyed because it was every night! goodness they need to be realistic. Unless you live in a quiet rural area with no one around this is life.
My kids used to be little babies who were terrible sleepers and even now will get disturbed by a neighbour on a rare occurrence but I’ll say there is nothing we can do, just lie there and rest. As babies I would have taken them into my room if needed, they were probably in there anyway.
I remember my neighbour once having a birthday party and all her family sitting chatting in the evening having a nice time. I just shut the kids windows. Honestly they’re being ridiculous.

I would answer saying that you’ll make sure they don’t play music or ball games after 8:45 (I know you said they didn’t), and that they won’t be chatting outside after 10:30.
This way you sound like a reasonable neighbour wanting to help, but at the same time you don’t change anything as you are already a very reasonable neighbour.

If they insist on silence in the garden after 8:45 suggest that they put the baby in bed in another bedroom as « surly they understand that with the heat it is not fair to ask the teenagers to come in at 8:45 »

You have the right to enjoy your garden and they can’t expect you to live by their babies schedule. You’ll need to gently refuse and tell them you will enjoy your garden in the summer. It is best for the baby to get use to noise.

At 8.45 ?

I'm confused, are they my asking you to be quiet in the garden when the teens are over or every evening?

Is the issue general everyday noise or specific to the teenage guests?

In both instances the neighbours are being unreasonable but if they are expecting you all to quiet down for the evening at 8:45pm every single day then they are batshit.

Ah parents of a PFB 😁

I would say we will be quiet after 10pm on weekdays but ultimately we are just living a normal life

soon it will be them waking you up with screaming toddler 😂😂😂

be friendly and accommodating (seemingly) but keep living your own life

some parents think the whole world needs to accommodate their needs when they have their precious first born

it is kind of seeet but also silly of them

I don't think it's the noise, I think it's the baby.

I know OP said that she trained her babies to sleep through noise, but if you have a baby that just does not sleep, no amount of training will help. I've got five children, none of them were what you'd call 'good' sleepers, but my eldest daughter slept from newborn for ten minutes a day, and three hours in a block at night. The rest of the time she was awake. It nearly killed me.

She was diagnosed AuDHD, she's now an adult and still doesn't sleep much.

Sometimes, even with the best will in the world, you get a baby that doesn't sleep. I suspect OPs summer holiday when the house is empty and silent, might prove to the neighbours that they've just drawn the short straw in babies.

It really depends a lot on the properties - some have thin walls and weird acoustics.

I lived in a semi where in one particular room - we could hear the neighbours entire conversation including the other person if they were on speaker. But not really general conversation so much. Also their large TV was fixed to the dividing wall with surround sound - every time it was on it crashed and boomed.

But we didn’t hear anything else much.

We have the same situation here, except we have the babies. Teenagers are well behaved & just play music till 10:30/11pm. We’ve never said anything as it’s their home and they are good neighbours.
We just play white noise when it gets too loud, seems to work. Your neighbours are being daft.

Babies should sleep through noise. They should be making more noise themselves . Nobody with any sense still does the shhh , you’ll wake the baby. Babies fit in, you don’t fit round them. In other cultures, baby sleeps on mother’s back while she works. Only in ours do ppl expect silence if a baby goes to sleep. It’s ludicrous. You are not unreasonable.

Haha yeah do this. Next summer ask then to keep their 16 month old quiet as your teens are sleeping until 11 am. It’s equally as ridiculous as expecting people not to talk in their garden at 8.45 pm

From a practical perspective if the baby is sleeping in a room next to the dividing wall it might be sensible for them to move it elsewhere.

OP said they’re in bed at 9pm during term time, not during the summer.

I just can't imagine making so much noise that my neighbours have to ask me to keep it down.

But then I try to be a considerate neighbour, aware of the fact the world doesn't revolve around me and my right to do whatever the fuck I like.

OP says its once every 2 weeks

They’re doing nothing wrong, provided they aren’t messing about shouting at one another until 10pm which would piss most people off. I don’t think that’s the case though from what you’ve said. It’s absolutely fine to chat in the garden at that time and they’re being precious, take no heed.

Oh wow, if it’s only fortnightly, and the teens make an effort to be thoughtful, and it’s not all year round, then this sounds fine. I find noise hard and tend to have to bite my lip. However, this sounds super thoughtful. You can’t all change your life for someone else’s baby when you’re being great already. We literally just had this on holiday - stayed in a lovely hotel, area of villas split into garden apartments. I was having lunch outside DH and children aged 8 and 5. We were talking and laughing. Neighbouring guest came out and said “I need quiet as my baby is napping”. WTF. Ok, we’ll eat lunch in total quiet?!?!

Half a dozen teenage boys in the back garden will be quite noisy and annoying. I think this is okay for a one-off (like a party) but not every night or most nights.

They are being totally unreasonable. Guidance for noise relates to adults, it's assumed babies are different. The world doesn't turn silent for babies afternoon nap and babies and young children are usually asleep long before adult life quietens down. In 2 or 3 Summers they will have having rows with a little person who absolutely insists it's still daytime until 10.30pm in June and breakfast time at 5am. They have yet to navigate the clocks changing. These are tricky times for parents and the world doesn't care. We've all been through it. For now they need to find a solution to their issue, not try to make the world change for them. You'll need to have a difficult chat with them, maybe agree some limits to keep them happy. Maybe remind them next Summer when their toddler is squealing in the garden at 9am when your teens are sleeping will they be prepared to facilitate your family sleeping habits? I doubt it.