I expect my husband to cook, clean and be an equal parent after he comes home from work, AIBU?

I am a SAHM with a 2 year old, it's a tricky one as it is really hard to get everyhing done with children underfoot. I try and clean one thing a day, so mondays bathrooms, Tuesdays floors, etc. I I would feel bad my husband cleaning on the weekends and cooking meals, although he does help tidying up and things like the bins, cat litter and the lawn. He works hard and commutes and I am here which is nicer than working and I can get things done if I'm organised, but it is hard, especially if your home schooling.

I think if you both are happy then that's the only thing that matters. You said you are worried your husband resents you, so looks like you are not sure how he feels about it?...Just ask him and ask yourself, would you be ok being the only one working outside the home and then coming home and doing 50% of everything else? I think if he has a low stress job then that's fine but I am not sure I would be happy with that arrangement if I was your husband. We talk a lot about the mental load women carry but the me tal load of being the only breadwinner takes a toll too ....

I always took on more household tasks if I was at home with kids or wfh. I’m sure you must get time to prep dinner or do a washing but if it works with you then who cares

You have a cushty lifestyle lucky you.

They are 3 and 7. Not many 3 year olds I know can be left to get on with whatever for an hour. And let's be honest, most jobs, you can go to the loo alone, finish a thought, take ten minutes to make a coffee. Im a teacher and even I can do those things, at least some days. When I was home with my 3 year old, not so much. Im a single parent now so I get home and have to do it all. I really don't think doing 50% would be so bad.

Yeah I get it - she’s not sitting around the house watching tv while the kids run amock. She’s working, albeit unpaid.
I agree that the DH should pitch in if she is busy with the kids all day.
That said, I get home at 5.45 every weekday and it really helps that DH has got home an hour earlier (short commute) and got some household jobs done.
So in OP’s position I would get on with some jobs at about 4.30 to get the bulk out of the way before her husband gets home. On the basis that the schooling will have finished by then and the kids will be playing (or pitching in if they are helpful).

But thats not what we're talking about here. The op didn't open a discussion about home educating and it's possible pros and cons. It sounds like the op is a conscientious parent who is actively educating her children in an age appropriate way and will be fairly hands on and intensive. I think its reasonable that the husband comes home and pitches in. She doesn't get to down tools at 5p so why does he?

However, there is a strong possibility that the home educated older teens I have taught are actually ‘unschooled’ as opposed to ‘home schooled’. There is A LOT of this in my area of low academic attainment.

I don’t personally know any home educators in real life. However, I have taught the children when they finally crop up in school (sometimes as late as ages 16 or 17 for A level, presumably because tutors for A level are super expensive).
On a social level it’s an uphill struggle for them. It’s comparable to the children who come from a different continent or speak another native language. They are usually lovely and very self-confident. But very much apart.

People who home educate will happily tell you their children do many social and group activities and in 30 years of teaching I have never once seen a child learn anything positive from being bullied or from a Queen Bee type dynamic.

Do you think that all children who encounter pushy individuals learn how to manage them in school? I can tell you both as a parent and as an example teacher of fifteen years that they don't and that for some children, school is an ordeal to be got through because they have no choice.

Do you think that home educated children don't get opportunities to learn how to manage more pushy children or to stand up for themselves? Why do you think this? Home educated children frequently socialise in big groups, small groups and 1:1. They have ample opportunity to learn these skills but arguably in a more supportive setting. They also attend the same extra curricular groups as schooled children.

I don't doubt they get more individualised lessons and more focus on their specific issues than in a big classroom. The thing I'd worry about is the social element. Even some things that seem negative at the time can build resilience, like learning to stand up for yourself or how to manage pushy individuals etc.

Great post. Thank you! I'm also an ex-teacher, and have chosen to home educate.

Thank you for explaining to those who don't seem to get it that there are varied and valid ways to educate children and that the school-based approach is driven by the need to teach a high number of children in one go.

Home education isn't always done well, but when it is, the education is bespoke, often 1:1, allows for the child's own interests, enables education in a real life context, provides for visits and educational experiences on a regular basis, gives children more time outdoors and in nature and ensures appropriate and varied social contact with other children, both home educated and in school.

It always astounds me the number of people who like to pronounce their judgement on home education whilst simultaneously knowing absolutely nothing about it other than stereotypical tropes.

Some impressive sneery ignorance on this thread. There is absolutely no reason to assume the ops kids aren't getting a great education. It may not look the same as theyd get in a school but that doesn't mean its less good. I m a teacher by the way..not bashing schools or teachers but there are plenty of perfectly valid and varied ways to educate. A lot of what happens in schools is driven by the necessity of teaching to a large group, not what is necessarily the best pedagogical approach. Im sure the op is pretty busy with all sorts during tje hours her husband is out and 'work' doesn't always mean back breaking, draining labour. Lots of jobs are perfectly pleasant, not terribly stressful 9-5. He doesn't have a long commute. Sounds perfectly ok to me that they pitch in equally once he's back.

Just so very rude. Have you ever done it? Have you met a decent range of home educators? Have you spoken with a wide range of home educated children? Come back when you have.

What makes you think they wouldn't?

Ignore this baity nonsense OP. We also home educate. The education home educated children get, when it is done well, far surpasses a state school education. And yes, they socialise. All the time. Typical glib comment from someone who doesn't know what they're talking about yet seems to think they are the authority on what constitutes a "proper education."

key to life is shutting out the noise. forget what this person said

Were I the husband I think I'd be a little concerned whether this was going to continue through secondary school too. This would likely mean he forever assumes the mental load of being the primary earner as OP will have spent so long out of the workplace.

How are you both coping? Can you tell it's equal and neither of you is burned out ?.

Also hoping both kids get to socialise regularly with similar aged kids

You would think so 😂

but each to their own. You can tell WHO makes the decision in this house.

I doubt she is doing it from 8.45 to 5.15.
Even teachers don’t teach for those hours.

You would think so. Her washing only though so it would seem.

I've never homeschooled before but surely if you're not managing a class of 30 you can stick the odd wash on?

Whose choice was it to homeschool them?