AIBU to resent funding DP's ex while we struggle monthly?

Do you only cover your legal responsibilities to your child/children (if you have any)?
I believe my legal responsibilities are to provide food, clothes and shelter; but I'd feel a spectacularly shitty parent if I held that line 😞.

A wet lettuce because he pays for his children’s school trips in lieu of caring for them for any great part of the week?

But your partner knew he was moving away from his children and his children’s school when he chose to move in with you, you’re acting like this man had no say in his life. He also lived with his parents for 5 years and saved nothing before moving in with you?

It’s also likely the required CM figure will have decreased from his choice to move in with you and your children so it seems reasonable for him to cover some extras.

@Lovingthesummersun1 He needs to stop being a wet lettuce. Tell exw that from now on he can't pay any more than his legal responsabilities. She will have to fund any extras. Cheeky and entitled. I would be fuming.

The fact that hes living with you and yours means that his 50 hours a week is going on your kids upbringing, he sees his kids EOW, if he drops dead his ex will have to raise his kids without a partner. You won't charge him rent because it will give him a stake in yoir home, but you moan that he spends his money on his children. Your kids not having that isn't his ex fault. His kids and the agreement existed before you and your kids entered their life. Can you not see that his choices are his, his ex is looking out for her kids and he will get equity when the MO ends.

I haven’t read the whole thread so apologies if I’m repeating information you’ve already been given.

Your partner can ask the CMS to take into account the bills he pays for the benefit of the former family home to see if that impacts the monthly sum he is required to pay. If the CMS is recorded in the actual court order that would only be binding for 12 months from the date of the order and then it is open to either party to seek an assessment from the CMS which may lower his obligation.

Im not suggesting for a minute that he shouldn’t spend his money on the children but it may be nice for him to have the money in his own pocket to spend on them / do activities with them rather than simply handing it over to their mum.

I really think that you need to go back to court for a variation on the basis that she lied during the original negotiation.

Might not work but it will show her you are serious about her piss taking.

So you want him to support your kids more than his own, your really fucked off that your kids dad died. He lives with you and yours, you dont want him to pay rent because it will give him a stake in yoir home but you shit on his ex for what? She has done exactly what she would do, not her fault or her kids. His kids have 2/14 days with their father but you have him parenting yours 12/14.

OP doesn’t appear to know. Obviously it could be 7/8 years if the MO states maintenance is payable and house will be sold on completion of HE as many do.

Why/how is she allowed to work 16 hrs

I have to work 30 hrs and have a child at school. And fair enough but if I don’t uc blood moan at me

he was stupid to not check her financial stuff when divorcing

uou should be better off as he’s paying towards bills

So what’s the situation in 4 years? They have to sell the house? what split of equity have they agreed? I mean the ex is going to have a massive shock when she works out she can’t run a house on her income, if I was her I’d be back full
time now. Can she even buy a house with 50% of the capital?

It’s not too late. Either he had a spectacularly shit solicitor or leaving the kids with his ex suited him and continues to suit him. Which is it?

If she is such a useless boozy sponger then he needs to go back to court and ask for more access or that the kids come
to him full time. Then he could also insist that he stops paying her mortgage and/ or other things. She can sell the house and get something smaller/ cheaper and he can get his own place for a few years. What he can’t do is moan about her, the money, her nights out, her parenting, the house and everything else but not do anything concrete about it.

I’m really sorry about what happened to your DH but I think for your own mental
health as much as anything you need to just look at your own finances, check that you can afford your own life, get a reasonable contribution from your partner and not pay the ex’s finances another thought.

Exactly this. If he's stupid enough to agree to an unfair split of assets in a legal document then all you can do is make sure that he pays not one penny more than the legal order says, and pray that your shared children are an order of magnitude less thick than their father.

Seek legal advice to see if can apply to chnage the order due to financial hardship?

This. What will she have in the future though? A decent personal pension, bills that are split with a partner, earnings that will increase over the years? It’s a known fact that single people pay at least £800 more each year in bills, mortgage etc than a couple. Live and let live. Your good times will come.

If she has a 14 year old child, UC will be hounding her to work around 40 hours or have a certain amount of earnings.

Once a child turns 3, you’re expected to work 30 hours or earn a certain amount. So either she’s on a very good wage or you’re exaggerating that she only works 16 hours.

Kindly, your dc are not your partners responsibility. I would not provide for stepchildren.

A person cannot claim UC if they have 16k or more in savings

It's idiotic, isn't it? People begrudging a woman for winning a good financial deal in court and managing to have some savings.
Waiting for her to get her comeuppance, because she's worked out an arrangement that suits her.

It depends on what is in the order. Mine didn’t state that but many do.

I am not sure if OP has seen the order. So he could be paying until DC complete uni. He might have agreed to get less than 50% of equity in exchange for no pension sharing order. So many variables aren’t there?

I think this man has behaved very honourably towards his wife and his children. Shame we can’t say the same for his behaviour towards OP. It’s clear where his priorities are and that’s as it should be.

Now OP says she gave him an ultimatum and he has said all the money will go directly to his DC rather than via XW. So no actual difference to OP is there?

Why would she have no money? She will have a share (probably at least 50%) of the equity in the house. She might be able to downsize and buy a new property or rent something. She might have a new partner by then. 🤷‍♀️