No acknowledgement 25 yr marriage

You know him. Presumably you love him and want to be with him. You wouldn't have been expecting anything because you know he doesn't do cards or shopping, so what actually is your complaint - that he didn't suddenly turn into a different man overnight?

You did nothing either. What’s the point on your post?

If you never do anything for anniversaries why would that change for the 25 th ? We don’t do anniversaries and we’ve been married 37 yrs , the 25 th / 30th /35th were no exception. If you feel unappreciated then you need to discuss that with your husband but don’t expect him to turn into a mind reader and change the habits of a lifetime unless he has at least been given a heads up that there is an issue .

@Annie000 I think your marriage is dying, or dead and that you think so, too. Is it possible your DH also thinks it? You need a serious talk about the state of your marriage and what you both want moving forward.

This… it’s our 25th next year, also 35 years together. We actually talk about it and have floated ideas as to what we might do to celebrate. We’ll make a plan together - pretty much as we’ve done for the last 34 years - as to what we do. He’ll buy a gift (I’ve asked for an eternity/second engagement ring and pointed some out) and I’ll buy him something special too.

None of the silly games [traps] around ‘will he remember’, ‘will he do anything’. Marriage isn’t a series of tests that you have to pass or fail. It’s a partnership and involves communication. By both parties.

It sounds as if you rarely (if ever) do anything for anniversaries. If you want to change that, say something!

We still haven't done much for our 25th anniversary (last year) as we're in the thick of elderly parents/teenagers, etc. but we're planning to when we have the opportunity.

Why not think of this as your silver anniversary "year" and say that you want to plan some special treats throughout the next 12 months?

Honestly I would leave it a few days to let your feelings settle. Then tell him that you've been feeling tired and unappreciated from always being the one to organise stuff, and ask him to organise something nice to mark your (slightly belated) anniversary.

You are telling us how you feel, but I'm not sure whether you've told him?

@debrief98 OP didn't mention decades of feeling worthless? No one would accept that, the divorce would have been decades ago.

I think it’s lovely that he still fancies you and sees you as his life’s partner and fancied sex with you as a celebration- don’t take that for granted - cards flowers and frankly bullshit sometimes is nice but being wanted is more telling

@Annie000 you mention grandkids can I assume all your kids are grown-up? If they are, why are you still sooo tired and fed-up with organising everything? And why haven’t you been out with your H for the past 4/5 years?

What should I do????????

Say: “I want to celebrate this big anniversary properly. I fancy Paris” (other romantic destinations are available).

I totally get it. You are so exhausted, mentally rinsed, from decades of being project manager for all the life admin and effort. And you wanted to feel loved by him making an effort for once, and if you had initiated and done something you’d still be feeling resentful and unappreciated, which would defeat the object. It’s awful and I feel for you. Decades of feeling worthless. You are not asking for much.

Which is?

Ok, so neither of you did anything for your silver wedding anniversary and you're disappointed he matched your energy because overall you feel he owed you a present and you don't him as your contribution to your marriage outweighs his? That's not a very healthy relationship

If he doesn't know you resent his lack of contribution and that you expected him to plan something, it was always going to end up in disappointment.
Tell him planning things and gifts are important to you, and he should care enough about you to put in effort.
Don't do things that aren't appreciated.

We plan anniversary stuff together as it's a shared celebration. Maybe take the opportunity to plan something special? If you're not enjoying his company enough to enjoy doing something together (and it sounds like you're not) are you sure you want to go on with him?

Yeah we do this, we either do nothing if we dont feel like it or just come up with something together, sitting back and waiting could only leave dissapointment

We usually decide together. Trip away. Or sometimes we even agree we can’t be bothered to go out so let’s just get a take-out.

I think you need to address this with him. If this is symptomatic of a larger issue with appreciation/reciprocity then that needs addressing through counseling and soul-searching. But, if it is just the day and expectations around it, it's easier to address - you discuss it with him and plan something together rather than waiting for him to surprise you (why set yourself up for disappointment?!)

Definitely! I have the certificate somewhere!😃

You didn’t do anything. He at least offered you a quickie which is more effort than you made.

Are you sure you’re actually married?

But you didn’t do anything either! How is that different?

I adore DH, but I have absolutely no idea when our wedding anniversary is. I’m not even entirely sure which month…