AIBU to speak to his parents after these messages to my daughter?

The police can and will retrieve messages from Snapchat. It just has to go through the correct channels. Before it gets disputed, I've been through a court case of a child where the police retrieved the information needed.

OP, you don't know the parents of this boy. In theory they should be mortified, apologise profoundly and deal with their son. Most parents would behave like this, given the situation. However, because you don't know them, you have no idea how they will react. They could put the blame firmly on your daughter, and refuse to accept their son is to blame, especially as you have no proof to show them.

You can email the safeguarding lead at your daughter's school. In theory this should be monitored over the holidays. If not, it will be seen come September, and steps can be put in place to keep your daughter safe in school. In the meantime, yes you do need to speak to the police, and get their advice. This lad's behaviour is unacceptable, and he needs to be given the fright of his life, with the police being involved, so he understands the seriousness of his behaviour and the fact he has no right to behave towards another person in this manner.

14-year old 'in a relationship' - this is the problem, created by you. The boy and his antics and whatever your reaction to it will be, are a corollary.

If he’s acting like this at 15 imagine what he’ll be doing at 30. Police.

Don’t interact with the parents . Tell the school and the police. It’s very concerning behaviour .

If this boy is not reported to the police he may be the next teenager in court for killing an ex girlfriend when the next girl rejects him.

Your daughter is very scared of him, he has some hold over her. I think you need to take this to the police against her wishes. I know that's what you've decided to do. I hope you go through with it.

Absolutely not the case that schools should tell you not to name the child involved; if a school has said that to you then someone is massively failing in their role.

Police

Ex teacher and safeguarding lead here.
Inform the police. The parents are unlikely to help and this is serious.

Yes, it's possible. But it's not done as a routine action. They have to have grounds to do this, it's an extensive process and only done where they are looking for evidence of a serious crime that they are already investigating and therefore have grounds to believe there is evidence on the phone that they need to access. There is no possible way to take your phone to the police, tell them there are abusive deleted messages and get the police to recover those messages based on your account. Just not possible.

Please don’t speak to the boy’s parents OP, especially as you have no screenshots or proof of the messages - if the boy denies it and says your daughter is lying, that will make things a lot more distressing for her.

Please advocate for your daughter and inform the school and the police - she may be upset now but with time she’ll understand. Having you believe her and stand up for her is huge.

Sorry that your daughter is going through this. This boy needs to be stopped.

You really need to read the post before adding something like this. Not helpful to muddy the waters on an issue this serious because you didn't read OP's post.

I'd contact the Police for advice, & theschool to let them know what he's doing. At15 years old he's aware of his actions, & he's trying to manipulate her. Talk to your daughter about how you need to deal with this toxic behaviour seriously, involving the authorities for her & his sake.
Good luck in sorting this out.

What do you mean you can’t name the child? Of course you can! The school won’t name the child to you if something happens there but as a parent you can go and tell them, otherwise how does anything ever get sorted out?

I had an issue with a kid at school using incredibly foul language around my 5 year old son (racist and swearing). I went to the school and said little jimmy has been using this type of language and it needs to stop. They said okay thanks for letting us know, it stopped.

I've worked in a pastoral role in a secondary school. The school may decide not to take any immediate action (especially as they have now broken up) but they should definitely still be told. They will have a child protection monitoring system, and this will be added to any previous/future concerns and will help to build up a picture of the boy's behaviour.

I appreciate that this doesn't sound all that helpful for the op's daughter atm, but it could be massively helpful in the future. (They may also decide to act on the info straight away, of course; just because you don't see them doing anything doesn't mean that nothing is being done).

As I said, depends on the recipient as well doesn’t it. Someone going through mental health issues may take it more seriously. It’s also clear from op’s description of the incident that what you describe is not what is going on. I stand by what i said.

Ah yes, let’s believe information found on Google, instead of someone that does this for a job 5 days a week for years on end 😂.

@ittakesalongtimr Something similar happened to DD when she was that age. This was on Messenger. We printed it out and took it to the boy's parents house.

At first the dad was in denial, but when we arrived home (after stopping at a shop for some milk) the dad and the boy were waiting for us at our house. The dad was furious with his son and said that he was embarrassed at his behaviour and made him apologise.

Ignore the posters saying you are making this about you. It is clear that you aren't.

Report to the school and police.

It depends. It might blow over or it might cause permanent damage to OP’s DD.

@ittakesalongtimr first port of call would be for DD to block him everywhere, why is he even getting an inch? He shouldn’t be able to contact her.

I regret not doing it back when my own DD was being bullied but frankly if it was nowadays I’d go straight to the source if you can ever find him alone.

I didn’t as I was worried about legal consequences and the adults in the bullies lives did nothing to help. All cut from the same cloth probably.

I think this place is the worst place for advice. Tell the police seriously??? You will end up creating a load of drama for your daughter. This site is absolutely insane. They're kids it will blow over but not with you sticking your oar in making it 1000 times worse!!

Don't go to the parents, you don't know them and you don't know how they will react ( they might turn the tables call the police on you for going to their home to 'harass' them) Let the school and police deal with this as they are impartial.

@ittakesalongtimr do you know the parents at all OP? What type of family are they?

If you think they will be approachable then I would personally speak to them first but if they are scruffs and likely to do absolutely nothing or start hurling abuse at you, then go to the police.

the school does need to know about this though. Most schools will have staff in for a couple of days at the end of term or beginning of the new school year in September. I think it would be wise to inform them via email just in case things continue into the new school year. You can always go back to them and say that it was resolved by yourself/the police if needed.

School, in writing. It's a safguarding issue.