AIBU to speak to his parents after these messages to my daughter?

... and it certainly doesn't lead to reliable and informed responses and advice which is actually what the OP is seeking.

Yes I know. I just seem to have come across a huge amount of threads this morning that are days old and people are suggesting things that were first suggested days ago, things the OP has already said or done.

I know you can read all OPs posts, I frequently let people know this too.

Suggesting people read OPs posts is often met with ‘oh I don’t have time to read eleventy billion pages’ and they don’t realise all you have to read is what OP has written. It’s frustrating.

I mean read. If you go to 'see next' or 'see all' you can read the posts that the OP has made and make an up to date opinion rather than an outdated one. You don't need to read pages and pages of posts.

I didn't realise that people did just comment on the title. Is this a thing?

I hope that this helps! 😎

The OP has posted 15 times. Select "See all" at the bottom right hand corner of the OP's first post and it will bring up just her posts.

@ittakesalongtimr can you confirm if you have or are going to speak to his parents or are you waiting on speaking with the police first? It's a horrible situation and I think you need to give yourself grace as you are doing the right thing taking it so seriously even if DD can't see that right now

You’ve done well op. I’m sure your DD will eventually see that in the future. She needs to understand that just because she asked you not to call the police, it doesn’t mean her request was the right choice.

I despair of the younger generation if they are so casually telling people to kill themselves. Someone will eventually take that to heart who is suffering with their mental health.

this. All of this.

Read all this is there other posts?

Disgusting behaviour from the lad, he deserves the police visit - also disgusting that the police are taking so long to visit to obtain the facts. Please keep us updated as to what happens.

To everyone who has posted this morning - if you select "see All" on the OP's first post you will see that she has already contacted the police.

Have you read any of OPs posts yet? You might find them interesting?

‘Read the thread’? What? You mean…..actually engage with the thread rather than just read the title and then plop your opinion in because it’s obviously a Very Important Opinion? 🤦‍♀️😂

Police and school. Breakups are always hard when you are a teen first love this is a mental health issue and I am sure the school will be able to help him

and @Tiggermad, @Frumpitydoo ... and everyone else who Is recommending that OP contacts the police.

She has! Days ago!
Read the thread!

That’s a cracking suggestion! In over two days and over 370 posts I wonder why thats not been suggested already?

Police OP.

Might be worth having a look at this website...possibly with your DD.

www.ceop.police.uk/Safety-Centre/

Op - I have teens and adult children and your hand wringing and reaction to the rumours are not helping your dd whatsoever.

You need to be more assertive and resilient, and so does she.

The rumours are stupid made up stories. Your dd needs to learn to speak up and tell her friends they are just silly lies and to ignore them. Do you actually think anyone with half a brain would believe any of it? It’s kids stuff. Playground antics, and needs to be treated as such.

Your dd needs to learn to say oh yes and my mum is also flying to the moon/ running for president in the US etc according to ex boyfriend. Managing this kind of silly behaviour is an essential life skill. The Chinese whispers will die down when the children realise how much trouble the boy is in - and when the other parents begin to hear about it, and have the same reaction as this thread.

Your dd has the skills to manage this, encourage her to look beyond herself and look at the possible risks to others if nothing is done. How she might feel if the next girl he picks on actually comes to harm. The gravity of the situation.

Whilst supporting her is good op, indulging her with self pity is not. Time for DD’s big girl pants - she isn’t a young child anymore and young adult life can be really tough sometimes.

Mine would have wanted to but the kids a teen so he couldn't. But he would have gone to the kids house and told him and his parents angrily and loudly he isn't going to tolerate it.

My brother would've kicked the shit out of the little oik.

This. I know its hard for her but (and I mean this kindly) its not entirely about her even though she is the current innocent victim. I am not a parent myself but have heard it said by people who are that if you child is never mad at you then you are not doing parenting right!

As for the "everyone says it" that line is as old as the hills. Everyone's parents allow them to stay up on school nights, watch x rated films, insert your own age related example.

I feel for you op. It is indeed such a sad situation that this is deemed a new normal:(
However I wouldn't back off. The b@stard needs a shock by the police.
Whilst not the same, something similar happened to us. A boy on the school bus once threw a basketball so hard at my (then) 12yr old DD's head that she saw stars. Me and her dad were absolutely livid and contacted the police as this is out and out assault. The police came to our house to take a statement. We wanted the little shit to be spoken to by the police to scare him/sober him up, so that he might think twice about doing this again to some other poor, unsuspecting innocent victim....and they agreed. However my DD was in tears and so embarrassed and wanted us to forget about the whole incident and said that the idea of us making a big deal out of it and talking to the police was more upsetting than the incident itself. We were so frustrated. :(

Hold the line, you did the right thing. She is too young to make this call and her reaction is showing how immature (quite obviously and normally) she is to manage this on her own.

I'm so sorry to read this, I was hoping that she might have accepted the need to have the police involved.

Keep reminding yourself that you did the right thing for her sake, yours and any other kids who might be targeted by this boy. Not every child has someone to confide in and a young person dealing with this alone might not be able to cope, leading to tragedy.

Keep letting her know you love her and it's your job as a parent to protect her and that you also care about the wellbeing of other teens who might be targeted, now or in the future.

Sending you a hug.

It really isn't. I have two ds (13 and 16) and never had it. They talk to me about everything- especially if they feel someone hasn't been nice to them or someone else and show me messages. It has never been near this.