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AIBU?

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AIBU to speak to his parents after these messages to my daughter?

412 replies

ittakesalongtimr · 18/07/2026 23:47

Can’t believe I’m writing this but desperate for some advice. DD14 was in a very brief relationship with a boy of 15. About a month. He came to our house a few times and seemed nice, we had a few chats and the same happened when DD when to his house. They go to school together. I don’t know the family at all.
They split up about 3 weeks ago, I’m still not sure why as DD didn’t tell me details but she was very upset for a few days. Hadn’t heard anything about the boy (I’ll call him Matt here) until today when her phone simply didn’t stop buzzing and she looked increasingly worried. She eventually told me tonight he has been messaging her telling her to jump off a bridge and kill herself, and added in messages about how old I am to be a mum of a teenager (not untrue but ouch) and that I’m cheating on my husband with (and then named a dad of someone in DD year). It’s nonsense but I’m upset this rumour has been started and more worryingly I’m upset that my DD received such vitriolic messages about killing herself. DD is adamant she doesn’t want me to speak to police, but I simply don’t feel comfortable doing nothing given I am also being brought into whatever vendetta this boy has. I wondered about going there tomorrow morning, calmly, to speak to his parents and let them know my concerns about the serious nature of the messages he’s sent. I would want to know if my daughter had sent the same kind of message as it feels a bridge too far from normal teenage tiff language.
I do not want to walk into an argument about our children or to try and involve them, but I do feel I need to do something, as it’s so serious that doing nothing feels like letting a bully walk away scot free.

Any advice? Am I being completely naive and this is the worst idea in the world?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Goatsarebest · 19/07/2026 00:53

ittakesalongtimr · 19/07/2026 00:36

Fully agree the messages about her killing herself are the most serious. However, I do also think rumours about my alleged affair with a dad at school are serious too. Luckily he’s not, but if my DH was abusive/ paranoid and believed
this rumour (or the partner of the dad he has named) that could lead to a serious domestic abuse incident. My hope is her parents will speak to him to explain why this is so serious (but appreciate I am possibly very naive)

Why you think (unfounded?) allegations about an affair by a teen boy are on a same level of concern as instructions by him for your daughter to kill herself, is strangly bizarre.

thereisnomeaning · 19/07/2026 00:53

ittakesalongtimr · 19/07/2026 00:52

Thank you, that’s how I feel. If my DD had sent these things to someone else I would want to know as it would feel so serious so me.

I shouldn't just feel serious. It IS serious.

ittakesalongtimr · 19/07/2026 00:52

Blueeyedmale · 19/07/2026 00:51

I know you said your DD doesn't want you to involve police but I think you really need to this boy clearly has some mental health issues,that aside this is way too much for a 14 year old girl to process, telling someone to harm themselves is a criminal offence.

Also making up rumours about you,he's deliberately playing with her emotions,and no your not being naive you are doing your best to protect your daughter,and in time she will absolutely understand this behaviour needs to be challenged.

And it's definitely way out of the normal teenage boy behaviour,I have a son his age and I can tell you if he was behaving in this way towards a girl,I would definitely expect the police knocking the door and he wouldn't be having a mobile phone again until he's 18.

Please report this for the sake of your daughter's emotional wellbeing being and peace of mind for her safety.

Thank you, that’s how I feel. If my DD had sent these things to someone else I would want to know as it would feel so serious so me.

OP posts:
Blueeyedmale · 19/07/2026 00:51

I know you said your DD doesn't want you to involve police but I think you really need to this boy clearly has some mental health issues,that aside this is way too much for a 14 year old girl to process, telling someone to harm themselves is a criminal offence.

Also making up rumours about you,he's deliberately playing with her emotions,and no your not being naive you are doing your best to protect your daughter,and in time she will absolutely understand this behaviour needs to be challenged.

And it's definitely way out of the normal teenage boy behaviour,I have a son his age and I can tell you if he was behaving in this way towards a girl,I would definitely expect the police knocking the door and he wouldn't be having a mobile phone again until he's 18.

Please report this for the sake of your daughter's emotional wellbeing being and peace of mind for her safety.

ittakesalongtimr · 19/07/2026 00:51

suki1964 · 19/07/2026 00:41

The police can retrieve snap chat messages

You take the phone to the police in the morning and tell them what's happened

Im so sorry this is happening to you and your family

Seriously, dont pussy foot around, go to the police

I didn’t know this, thank you so much. I’ll do this first thing tomorrow.

OP posts:
ittakesalongtimr · 19/07/2026 00:50

PollyBell · 19/07/2026 00:42

This is not all about you something is very wrong if you think this

Not sure where in any of this I’ve made this all about me?

OP posts:
Goatsarebest · 19/07/2026 00:46

SaySomethingMan · 18/07/2026 23:58

Some children sadly actually took their own life because they were told to online.
Please report it to the police. Your poor DD.
And the boy, what horrible things for him to say!

We had one on our community. Don't underestimate the power of online communication. It's reality for our children.

RosaMundi27 · 19/07/2026 00:43

Contact the police - this is not your daughter's call. Her safety is much more important than anything else. I hope everything gets worked out for all your sakes.

Duckagogo · 19/07/2026 00:42

outerspacepotato · 19/07/2026 00:41

A 14 year old doesn't have the judgement necessary to deal with a boy telling her to kill herself. This is where you parent and you act in her best interests. Call the police.

This. She's terrified and can't be the one to decide.

PollyBell · 19/07/2026 00:42

ittakesalongtimr · 19/07/2026 00:36

Fully agree the messages about her killing herself are the most serious. However, I do also think rumours about my alleged affair with a dad at school are serious too. Luckily he’s not, but if my DH was abusive/ paranoid and believed
this rumour (or the partner of the dad he has named) that could lead to a serious domestic abuse incident. My hope is her parents will speak to him to explain why this is so serious (but appreciate I am possibly very naive)

This is not all about you something is very wrong if you think this

outerspacepotato · 19/07/2026 00:41

A 14 year old doesn't have the judgement necessary to deal with a boy telling her to kill herself. This is where you parent and you act in her best interests. Call the police.

suki1964 · 19/07/2026 00:41

The police can retrieve snap chat messages

You take the phone to the police in the morning and tell them what's happened

Im so sorry this is happening to you and your family

Seriously, dont pussy foot around, go to the police

Splcam · 19/07/2026 00:41

Data can be recovered from phones even if deleted and/or from the platform (there is an international agreement on this for firms like Snapchat based in the US). She doesn't need to talk to the police, you are a witness to what happened. And victim for that matter. Just tell them what happened and let them investigate. If they think there are grounds, they can seize his phone under PACE 1984 and recover data from it.

IMakeHisNervesBad · 19/07/2026 00:39

Police

Wayk · 19/07/2026 00:39

You poor daughter. What a nasty young man he is. Please report to police. He needs to be taught a lesson. He will strike again.

Duckagogo · 19/07/2026 00:38

Get your own phone ready to record her phone's screen as they come in and gather as much evidence for the police as you can. I believe Snapchat sends a notification to the sender of a screenshot being taken.

tara66 · 19/07/2026 00:36

He still needs to get some sort of a police record and hopefully a visit. Explain to police why you don't have proof.

ittakesalongtimr · 19/07/2026 00:36

Fully agree the messages about her killing herself are the most serious. However, I do also think rumours about my alleged affair with a dad at school are serious too. Luckily he’s not, but if my DH was abusive/ paranoid and believed
this rumour (or the partner of the dad he has named) that could lead to a serious domestic abuse incident. My hope is her parents will speak to him to explain why this is so serious (but appreciate I am possibly very naive)

OP posts:
Crumpetring · 19/07/2026 00:35

I’m so sorry your DD is going through this OP

ittakesalongtimr · 19/07/2026 00:32

Unfortunately I can’t screenshot as the messages for her to kill herself were sent on snap chat and they disappear (smart boy). I heard 3 before they vanished. She did block his number but worryingly he created new accounts within minutes to contact her. I now have her phone and nothing has come in since.

OP posts:
WoollyandSarah · 19/07/2026 00:32

Would she consider the police, if you explain that he will do this again, to another girl, who might be in a state where she takes him seriously and does kill herself? Reporting to the police isn't always about ourselves, but can be about other vulnerable people.

Duckagogo · 19/07/2026 00:32

She's hysterical because she's terrified of him. The police must be involved.

tara66 · 19/07/2026 00:32

OP you have a duty to inform the police.
Otherwise there can easily be repeat behaviour with someone else etc.
They will know better how to deal with the situation.

thereisnomeaning · 19/07/2026 00:31

I would go to the police and explain to my DD that he needs to learn this behaviour isn't okay. How would she feel if he did it to someone else and that person did kill themselves? I would take this very seriously.

I wouldn't worry about any rumours that I was sleeping with someone else. I'd know I'm not and anyone who believes it isn't worth my time.

Duckagogo · 19/07/2026 00:31

Blueberries0761 · 19/07/2026 00:27

The boy is telling the OP's daughter to kill herself, he isn't suicidal.

@ittakesalongtimr , I agree with others - talk to the school and police. Don't speak to the parents, that might make things worse since you don't know anything about them/ how they'll respond.

This.

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