AIBU to speak to his parents after these messages to my daughter?

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Go to the police, not the parents. You have no idea what they are like.

This is pretty much exactly what I would do OP. I also wouldn't tell my daughter until after I'd been. You're already following her wishes not to go to the police, so you don't want her vetoing this too. Chat to his parents first, mention that you are concerned they would want to know and that your DD doesn't know you are there. That way, if it becomes any sort of issue with friends, she can very honestly say she didn't know you had gone.

Hopefully the parents are reasonable and you can state what's happened and leave them to it. If they do seem receptive, you may want to ass what you would like to happen next. I personally wouldn't be asking for any sort of apology, just for him to stop immediately and also not contact any of you again.

If the parents give any signs of being unreasonable, I'd get out of there ASAP as they have fixed views of their son that you won't change.

For what it's worth, I haven't been in this situation with any of my four, but I do think I'd still be going to the police. Easier said than done when you have a teen begging you not to though.

i am not sure if you are aware but 'go kill yourself' whilst horrible is just a very common expression in gaming which has now worked its way into mainstream youth culture. Like you i was horrified the first time I heard it but it is a wellknown put down in this demographic. It is not nearly as strong as you and other posters are imagining.

My son is a similar age and his school have an urgent wellbeing/safeguarding email that is monitored during all school holidays. Does your daughter’s school have anything similar?

`Why are some posters incapable of reading - or understanding - words.

OP did NOT say the allegations were at the same level of concern as the instructions to her DD. If you are so stupid can't say anything at all remotely sensible, why bother to post at all.

She’s not made it sound like she’s more concerned about the rumours in any way whatsoever. Why on earth do you people do this?! 🙄

If any messages come in turn on your own phone and start recording before you read the message?
The boy sounds disturbed, I'd contact police if he sends any more messages telling her to kill hetself.
The police can tell his parents when they look into it. I wouldn't contact them personally.

Don’t go to the parents ffs.

Regardless of proof, the police need to be informed. Just even so it’s on record in case he does it to someone else.

After contacting the police, email the school so it’s on their record as well.

And keep everything in writing.

Emails sent to your school’s DSL (designated Safeguarding lead) should be checked daily, even in school holidays .

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-40304433

op if your DD is still reluctant to speak to police in the morning, please show her this. Your post made me think of it straight away.

Real life case in the news where a woman was sent to prison because she was sending texts like that and the recipient actually did kill themself.

Your DD needs to understand that her ex may send similar messages to others and it may have more serious consequences and therefore you have a responsibility to report this.

You’re making it sound like you care more about the rumours about you, than your daughter being told to kill herself... I think when we’re very upset we can do this, let’s not forget that.
You need to get some perspective. The police need to be told, not least because unfortunately that’s likely the only way this lad is going to get any psychological help of any kind!

The designated safeguarding lead is likely to be checking in at least occasionally

That would depend on the parents though. And although some loving caring parents do wind up with very troubled kids it is possible the parents are a bit "troubled" themselves. You will then find yourself facing aggressive parents who claim their son shits gold and that you are making everything up (let's face it you don't have any proof). Their golden boy can then keep on harrassing your daughter and might even turn on you/your family. Please go to the police. Even though you don't have any proof just give them her phone because he will likely continue and then they can trace him. Go first thing in the morning and do not let your daughter be responsible for this decision. This is serious- you have no idea what this disturbed boy is capable of.

This is a criminal matter and you'd be best off letting the police deal with notifying his parents.

You have zero idea how they would react and you could be making things worse for your daughter.

I think your daughter is too young to have a say here. She is likely worried about repercussions for herself if she goes to the police. Sometimes teens just need an adult to tell them what is happening rather than be given a say.

The police can’t retrieve those messages. There are long running legal cases where social
media companies have not retrieved deleted message history.
Maybe for a murder case but no way for this. I would speak to / contact the boys parents and tell them what’s happened. I would also tell them that I was going to the police. I would 100% report his behaviour. I would not be getting in my car and driving to a police station because this is not an emergency. It’s a safeguarding issue that needs to be dealt with but your DD is not at risk of serious harm tonight.

Yes, ignore

Your DD is obviously very scared of this boy. You are the parent so you make the decision to take her phone to a police station in the morning.

This 100%.

No, she doesn't think that. She made a valid point about the potential ripple consequences of starting vile rumours. Meaning that it's another reason to go to the police, on top of what he's done to her DD.

Your reading of her intent is strange and paranoid.

OP, these people are on every thread. They come along and make something up out of thin air just to get at the OP. I read your posts and what this person said would never have occurred to me. Just ignore them.