AIBU to be upset by my partner talking about craving younger women?

It’s not backfiring then isn’t it.

I imagine that backfires quite a lot because, men. I often see middle aged men craning their necks to look at teens and early 20s even when with their poor partners.

Very few.

Absolutely not unreasonable and I bet you’re too good for him that’s why he’s trying to neg you, because you’re a catch.

He'd do the same to a younger woman to keep her in her place. I had a similar experience when I was mid 30s I had a boyfriend a few years off 50, he’d constantly make digs and try and destroy my self esteem, he’d also tell me he didn’t want a woman his own age because they are “old bags” he’d be in his 60s now and I imagine the 40 something women he considered old bags wouldn’t even look in his direction.

Ughh some men are truly vile!

If people are saying he's clingy... it's possible he is deliberately trying to lower your self esteem to stop you leaving. Get rid

I agree. I find clinginess and neediness two extremely unattractive traits and I would never want to be with a man who was like this. If you break up with him OP it will be interesting to see what your friends really do think of him, because I suspect they'll let you know.

And he is a twit, but my god that's a nice way of putting it! He's a 60-something grandfather who has found love in later life with a great woman who he has lots in common with and he's pissed it all away for nothing, because there are no younger women beating a path to his door, nor will there be. There really is no fool like an old fool.

Time to end it I think. Either he’s genuinely wanting someone younger in which case he’s going to be constantly comparing you to younger women, ogling the younger women, and given half a chance will leave you for said younger woman. Or he’s just trying to put you down and make you feel self conscious, worthless, and constantly trying harder to be what he wants which is a control tactic used by toxic individuals and will likely get worse over time. And given his downplaying of your reaction this does seem llike a possibility, although I’m surprised you’ve not seen signs sooner than 6 years. Maybe it’s a bit of both. Either way it’s not good for you. I’d be tempted to tell him you’ve taken on board what he said about having a younger partner and you’re leaving him for a younger man. But I’d definitely be leaving. Before these comments become constant and start making you feel rubbish like they’re intended to. Because it does start affecting you eventually.

Someone who actually loved you wouldn’t be saying things like that. The end. Leave before he cheats.

Urgh what a creep. I’m 45 and I can assure you that neither I nor my friends are looking at men in their 60s. Bin him - you deserve better!

He isnt someone you can trust and you have seen the revolting lecher behind the mask. He is a creep and a dirty old man. Listen to your instincts when they tell you that this relationship has come to an end.

You said earlier that your friends think he's clingy. I would bet my house that your relationship isn't the envy of your friends. People just find it hard to say 'hey mate, your partner is a twit'

Your partner ‘craving’ any other woman - younger, older, from outer space etc - apart from you, is wrong. You deserve better. Full stop.

Do you think he’s trying to introduce the idea of an open relationship??

That’s so so deeply offensive and a running theme. He looks at you and is settling, he wishes to be with someone he feels is more attractive. As that’s what he means by younger.

it wasn’t a stupid comment. It is what he is thinking. His true thoughts are he can’t get a younger woman, so he has to settle for you

i don’t know how you convince yourself to get past that. It will always be there,you now know the truth.

The comment is an issue. But it's the views he holds inside that are the biggest problem (that you don't know). What does he think about? I wouldn't be able to move past this.

Please don't minimise his bloody awful 'comments' OP, stick with what your instinct is already telling you, that you'll never be able to forget what he's said and 1. how it made you feel, and 2. how it made you see him.

You know that he's not sorry about making the remarks, he's just upset that you are 'reacting' to him doing so?

If he actually cared about your feelings, he'd never have made either one of his offensive jibes, would he??

It just smacks of him either 'dropping his guard' accidentally before his brain caught up with his mouth, or of him purposefully trying to make you 'jealous' and worried about losing him?

Neither one of these reasons is good. They're both insulting and offensive.

I'm with your gut OP, this relationship is over for you, as there's just no excusing his remarks. He'll never, ever look the same to you again no matter how many times he 'apologises' or tries to excuse his remarks.

What's done, is done, period.

Extricating yourself won't take long as you're not married, living together or sharing finances, so it'll likely be a lot quicker and easier than you think.

It'll certainly be better than staying and keeping the 'relationship' limping along, knowing every day how he really feels while pretending you don't?

Personally, I don’t respect them at all. I respect that they are great at construction, and science, art and sport (but so are women, they just don’t get the same recognition) but they are also amazing at destroying things and people - whether that is war, vandalism, domestic violence, child sexual abuse. So the cons far outweigh the pros. Said earlier, once hormones leave, so does the regarde for men. Eyes get opened.

You have to buy a scotch egg.
I have a feeling a younger woman to him would have to be ‘purchased’ in some way? Because there’s no way one would be interested in him. Grim.

Ok. The question surfacing for me here, is, if this is what we know about men, how do we respect them? How do we do that?! Genuine question.

I remember years ago something that Jilly Cooper said about men - she said if a stunning woman with a fantastic personality in her 40s was at a party and the men were paying her a lot of attention, the attention would stop as soon as a woman in her 20s arrived, even if the younger woman was plain and dull, the men would divert their attention to the new arrival and lose interest in the more stunning older woman. Something she had witnessed many times.

I do think also that men have unofficial competitions with each other, their ranking in the friendship group is predicated on the quality of the women they pull - with youth being the ultimate status maker, and that doesn’t abate. Women are meat to most men.

I could not go back to him after that conversation. I craved a scotch egg yesterday (don’t judge me) and gave in. Would he give into his younger woman craving in the same way? I mean, he probably wouldn’t get the opportunity, but in his head, he could. I think older women are always going to be second choice. Luckily for me, I no longer get any validation from men - I don’t crave anything about them.

Your sandwich metaphor is really good - add to it that you’re really hungry, there’s no other food available, wouldn’t it be easier to just eat it and eat round the nasty bit? Of course you must feel sad and let down and dreading the energy it takes to uncouple. But - as they say “when he shows you who he really is, believe him the first time”. I am guilty of not doing that myself and it took many times to my cost.

OP, whilst you feel sad, it is important to remember that it would be sadder wasting more time on this man.

His messages will be about the panic he is feeling at losing what you do for him. Nobody who truly loved and valued another would ever try to hurt and demean them this way.

I know a family where a relative's 70 year old husband made a pass at the 22 year old niece. He actually orchestrated a situation where they were alone and based on what happened, he truly thought this beautiful, educated young woman would respond in his favour. It blew the family apart for a while as the repucussions rippled through them all. He had entered the family via a late life marriage and clearly felt the risk was worth it - all because of his sick sense of entitlement.

I am with another pp who said many men would turn their backs on wives of 30 years for a 25 year old. I am early 50's but devoutly single after mistreatment and infidelity ended my own marriage. I feel I have been given a gift by feeling the way I do about being single, and I enjoy every aspect of the freedom and peace of mind it gives me.

Once your sadness subsides, try to reframe your thinking around this. He might be really great in many areas of your life - 2 things can be true at same time, but he says things that reveal someone who doesn't see you as his equal, views younger women as objects to 'crave', and feels so strongly about it that he is compelled to share his lecherous thoughts with you.

No amount of DIY'ing, car assistance etc would make me entertain such a man a minute longer. I really feel for you. You don't deserve this, and he definitely doesn't deserve you.

@Frenchlady14Your sandwich metaphor is perfect. I’m so sorry. It’s a huge breach of trust, he’s essentially revealed his hand. As you say many an amazing woman gets dropped simply for someone who is younger and is shocked. With your DP he’s even had the gall to say that’s where his mind is at! It’s disrespectful, lecherous, so unattractive and I can understand why you switched off to the relationship. I’m sorry. There will be a man who isn’t like this. You deserve to be with someone who won’t drop you at the first hint of interest from someone younger (which I’m sure your DP would) or make remarks like this. There are men who aren’t like this and want a true companion, not a “trophy” 🤮