AIBU to be upset by my partner talking about craving younger women?

I’d let him know that his comment was out of character and in opposition to everything else he has presented to you over the six years.

As a result you’re wondering he’s been hiding his true personality (easy to do only on weekends) or is suffering from the beginnings of dementia. Either way, you want to rethink your role as partner/carer for him in a foreign country as you have better options

@Frenchlady14
Bin him
He's sounding out future intentions and it's so good of him to let you know eh?

"He is usually pretty insecure"

And that's exactly why he's saying these things. He's deliberately trying to damage your self esteem. You're not overreacting... you're just realising you can do better and deserve better. Don't wait for this to get worse (because it will) just remind yourself what you're worth and get rid.

What a disrespectful little dweeb of a man

I wholeheartedly hope so !!

"I find your assumption slightly insulting."

You, do? 🤔

Thats horrible and a bit weird. He sounds like hes in a midlife crisis. I hope you find better.

Oh OP what a difficult decision for you. Normally I’m the first to post LTB, some of the shit women on put up with on here make me aghast!!

BUT it sounds like this man has many many redeeming features and you genuinely seem to like/love each other.

Yes what he said was pathetic and crass, and maybe you should have replied what younger woman would want you!!? It always makes me laugh that men think a woman younger than them would want them. Unless they are a multi-millionaire or famous, why would they? I mean look at Leonardo de Caprio, does he think he’d have those glamorous girlfriends if he was Barry from Accounts. Sad pathetic man!!

Anyway I digress, yes what he said was pathetic but you have a good life and it sounds like you’d miss his companionship, support and company. If you were in your 20s would I give you advice to stay with him? Hell no!

But truth be told, at our age there aren’t that many more fish in the sea, well not good ones anyway. I’ve been single 10 years as my standards are very high and would love a relationship like yours.

He realises he’s crossed a line, but only you know if you can get over his remark. Personally I think in a couple of months you’d miss him, if not sooner. He appears to bring a lot of positives to your life.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Which friend is encouraging her? Have you even read the OP's posts?

And as for the "sober" comment, there's absolutely no suggestion that alcohol was involved in this situation. OP has done her time with an alcoholic, so I find your assumption slightly insulting.

In summary, you seem to have so little understanding of this thread that I don't really know why you bothered joining it (at such a late stage, too).

I think you afk him, sober, why he keeps saying it. Is he trying to make you feel insecure? Like you're lucky he has chosen you? Is he hinting that he wants to play around and want to see if you'd agree? Is he hinting to leave? Honestly, if he's looking to make you declare how much you want him then he is not worth holding onto. He sounds line s jerk to me. No nice guy plays-games games with your emotions and confidence.
I think your bar is low. Your friend is wrong. Why is she encouraging you to settle like this?

Next time I'd reply middle aged paunch and balding isn't really the prime specimen he seems to think it is.

I don't think he's testing her boundaries. I think he is just inconsiderate of how a comment like that would make a woman feel. He was treating her like a (male) friend in that moment, and the fact he didn't immediately correct himself and explain what he really meant or offer her some immediate reassurance shows he is a bit dim in this regard.

Many men think like this, but most are smart enough to not express it in front of an older woman, let alone the woman they profess to care about so much.

She has responded, by withdrawing and taking some time and space to think.

He's testing your boundaries. How far can he push you or behave badly before you respond.

I think you've made the right decision. For a while reading your thread I thought you should finish it, but as the thread has moved on and you've described him more, and the generally good relationship you have, I felt that there was still a decent relationship for you to enjoy with him.
You're also right to say that any further comments of this nature will fully cross your line. He knows now, so he really has no excuses.
I wish you much luck and happiness going forward, and really hope that he takes this on board and doesn't disappoint you.

I assumed he was English as the OP described helping him with the language.

Out of interest OP is he French or English?

I'm French but I wouldn't date a French man (again).

I was going to post my opinion but wanted to read the whole thread first, and it seems you have reached the same conclusion yourself.

Hopefully, the no contact time has shown him just how seriously you view these comments and how hurtful you find them. My opinion was going to be that he would be given ONE more chance and if he ever made any comment about younger women again he would be gone and you’d never look back. Whether he would prefer a younger woman or not is kind of by the by. It’s rubbish for you to think about but he can’t actually help his preferences. What he can help, now that he absolutely knows how it makes you feel, is hurting you. If he did it again, I wouldn’t be breaking up with him because he likes younger women (well, I would a bit) but instead because of the hurt and upset it causes you. If he loves you, he should never want to do that to you again.

Men are hard wired to find young fertile women attractive. Yes, it’s an uncomfortable fact for some but that’s nature and the imperfection of evolution. But to be so blatant about this in mentioning it seems rude and insensitive.

Yet, I am amazed at how attractive women over 60 can appear these days… like age is no barrier.

@Frenchlady14

I will try to forgive (but not forget) the comment. It has been good for me to discuss him on here to make me evaluate that 95% of the time he is a lovely man. I'm not going to finish it BUT if he says anything like it ONE MORE TIME - I will. I came so so close.

I think this is a valid decision. Obvs he needs to know that his 'nudge nudge wink wink' humour is NOT appreciated and he needs to 'can it' when he's with you. Let him know there will be dire consequences if he does not.

My esDH is one for practical jokes and I absolutely abhor them. I made it very clear after a few times that I would not tolerate being the butt of any of his 'jokes'. I told him that I have a finite tolerance for things I don't like. I told him that what he needed to understand was that even I did not know what that tolerance level was. Just that if he didn't stop, at some point it would be one too many and I would say 'enough' and be gone, no second chances. He never pulled a joke on me again.

I guess I'm making him sound like a pretty great guy. He was, until he became a raging alcoholic. That's why I left him.

It wasn't a joke. OP said he was inclined to make winkwink types of jokes, but this was a comment made - as if to a male friend, but unfortunately directly to the woman he sleeps with. And it wasn't the first time he has made such a comment.

Anyway he has made some comments in the past about me being lucky he doesn't have a mid-life crisis and 'chase younger women'

But yesterday evening - kind of out of nowhere when we were having a quick drink - he looked at me and said that he could really understand how men of his age can crave a younger women.

They usually mean women in their early twenties.

I hope you can make it work, OP. It's hard to find a good man at any time of life!

Oh OP 🤗

I was one of the LTB crew, and took a dim view of it all until you said it was meant as a joke. That didn't come across before, or maybe I wasn't reading closely enough.

A clumsy joke is not at all the same as an unfiltered revelation of the workings of his inner mind.

My first marriage was abusive and "jokes" were definitely meant to undermine me as cruelly as possible, but this does not sound like the relationship you're describing.

Only you can work this out. We don't know him at all!

I think you need a bit of time with this OP. Yes his comments have been crass but he does seem genuinely remorseful. Give him some stewing time and see how you feel in a few days. Sending you a warm hug x