Arfid eating disorder in 4 year old. AIBU?

My son has ARFID, along with many other medical issues. The ARFID is by far the hardest thing we have had to deal with. He got so bad at one point (looking back at the photos is very upsetting) he now has a feeding tube, and only eats 3 diffrent things orally. Instead of questioning your friends parenting skills, please educate yourself (there’s lots online) as this is a very difficult dangerous disorder to manage and she will need your support not your uneducated opinions

My daughter is now peg fed after 26 years dealing with this. She nearly starved to death. 6 months in hospital trying to get a chip into her. Her feeding therapist shouted at a professor who felt she should just “try something”. She asked him if he’d be prepared to eat a lamp shade.

She also has downs and ASD.

She now adores her peg system. My heart goes out to your friend.

A lot of children with ARFID basically like beige foods that always taste the same. Things like bread, crackers, nuggets chips. If you think of fruit for instance a strawberry it will taste a bit different sometimes sweet sometimes bitter so it isn't usually a safe food. It can vary from person to person but its nothing to do with parenting. If you try and push foods even with good intentions you might end up losing a food eg if you try a different brand of nuggets.

Fair enough and thanks for responding!

Why is the accepted reaction to have a go at the OP? It's ridiculous.

Sorry that's how it sounded to me. It's good she's talking on advice about it. That's cool.

Coming from a lack of understanding. Quickly rectified. From the outside, it's a mystifying disorder.

I think your ignorance, judgement and lack of empathy for your DF have shone through.

I really would spend some time reading up on ARFID. As others have said it’s incredibly difficult to get a diagnosis, especially at such a young age. Your DF must be out of her mind with worry.

Junk food is

• texturally safe (no complicated mixed textures like you get with a bolognaise)
• extremely predictable - every ready salted Pringle is identical to the next ready salted Pringle, whereas blueberries can be sweet, sour, firm or squishy
• scientifically designed to be appealing to limited palates (sweet / salt / fat ratios)
• pretty bland

Although like some PP my ARFID DC rejects most junk food so the preference for the predictable but junky food isn't universal with ARFID. At one stage mine would only eat very low-calorie foods, mostly melon. I'd have given anything to be able to persuade a chicken nugget into them.

Not true and not fair. In addition, the OP is clearly reading and taking on board the comments.

It can definitely be an aspect of neurodivergence.

So very sorry to hear this, Sirzy.

Some of mine started eating difficulties very young too (aged 2-4). A lot of it was about texture, feel and look of food and a sense of ‘safety’, which lead to a very very limited range of food that would be eaten and ultimately to very unhealthy diets. The problem has lessened now they’re adults — they’ve increased the range of food eaten but the whole thing is very difficult for everyone involved.

My daughter hasn't been diagnosed with ARFID but her diet is extremely restricted. If I ever try and give her a food that isn't on her safe list then she will start crying and shaking and will put both hands over her mouth (I have never even tried to force feed her anything, this is simply a reaction to seeing the food) sometimes she will run upstairs and hide under her bed. She doesn't act like this in any other area of life so I think it's a true reaction and not just her being fussy.

You implied it was by saying you don't understand how it could be a thing. Saying 'surely children just eat to survive'? Well ones with arfid or other ED don't.

I have AuDHD. Sometimes I cannot stomach a food that I may have liked yesterday. In my head, that food is suddenly disgusting. This can be anything from meat to lentils to cream to toast. If I try and eat it I cannot swallow it because I will be sick. It is psychological, as an adult I know it’s ridiculous but I cannot stop the reaction my body has to this food. I don’t eat the diet I want to eat because of this. It isn’t fun and it isn’t deliberate and it isn’t anything to do with nutrition, or how you look or anything else. My brain just panics over a food and then my body reacts by rejecting it. I have no advice on how a parent changes things, I have never been extreme with mine as it sounds like your friends little girl is. Oh, and I was raised with a healthy, varied diet, so it has nothing to do with parents.

ETA I haven’t been diagnosed with ARFID, just explaining the perspective of someone neurodivergent who has a difficult relationship with food.

Children with arfid aren't just being picky, they aren't "programmed to eat when they're hungry enough". To a child with arfid, unsafe food is intolerable, even if they are literally starving to death.

It's a distressing disorder for them and there isn't enough support imo. People can be very judgemental and it's upsettingly common for adults to assume the dc is just spoilt.

I thought it was fussy eating until the time I was unwell hours after after eating a mushroom stroganoff!

The illness was nothing to do with the food, I know that for a fact, but it was the last thing I ate. My brain then went into total mushroom aversion, and I couldn’t even think about mushrooms with out feeling yuch. It took nearly three years before I could face one again and even now I don’t buy them or choose them, but can just about eat one if it is put in front of me. It really surprised me how strong and irrational the mental aversion was and made me realise how difficult it must be to overcome something like arfid when it involves many foods.

My nephew would only eat carrots cut into pennies.Raw or cooked. Now that was fussy eating!

Or not.

Regards,
Parent to NT/ARFID child

For a lot yes. For a lot a change in packing or a “new and improved” label can be down right scary.

A big part of the problem many face with ARFID though is it is so complex and everyone has slightly different triggers. Some people it may be sensory, some it may be trauma based after choking or something, others there may be no obvious reason.

I have a child with it and you have no idea hon, please try not to judge your friend. He's since been diagnosed as ADHD but his issues with food started as a baby. He had very severe reflux for 18 months and every bit of milk then food he took hurt him. He's never recovered from his fear of food and is very small for his age. I've tried everything over the years but in the end you just have to give them what they'll eat or they will starve themselves.

It used to drive me crazy when my DM used to think it was just me being silly as 'babies won't let themselves starve '. While the medical professionals in charge of his care were telling me in his case, he could. One dietician told me fast food can be a way to help them learn to like and enjoy food 🤷‍♀️ not ideal but better than nothing.

4 is quite young to be diagnosed with ND but as others said it usually ends up that the child is ND.

my DS best friend was diagnosed with afrid before he was 4. He’s overweight too, I can’t see that that’s connected.

Often they might eat more junk food items because these are more predictable - like bananas can taste pretty different and be a very different sensory feel depending on how ripe they are whereas a particular brand of chocolate bar is always going to be the same (unless of course like PP said you get a recipe change)