To ban SD from my en suite?!

What I find weird is people reading that other people do things differently from them and thinking that the other people are weird for doing things differently from them.

I’d love to see an update. I don’t blame you for being angry with SD and her father for that matter. Why would you want to live under those conditions, coming home from work only to be stressed out at home? SD has been telling her school friends what she’s been up to; that’s what kids do. She will most likely intrude on your privacy the rest of your marriage so you do have to take whatever action you feel is necessary to protect your DD and protect your peace.

No, the stepchild would not automatically be considered a ‘child of the family’ that Op has any responsibility towards. Marriage did not make OP responsible for her stepchildren, financially or otherwise. ‘Stepparent’ is a title, not a legal relationship. They are in fact legal strangers.

Op treated her stepchild with generosity not because she had to, but because she wanted to. Despite this, her stepchild behaves like a disrespectful pig. Op is well within her rights to wash her hands of her.

Me too!!!

Isn't that a matter of plain fact though? he brought two children into the relationship, therefore they are the OP's step kids; she bore the daughter herself, therefore the daughter is her daughter?

Interesting, you have a daughter he only has step kids.

Don't you think though its a matter of why the SD did this? I mean using expensive face cream as leg cream? using the bathroom and keeping it a secret? Using the OP's slipper and robe? The Op's own daughter knew it happened and didn't want to get her SS into trouble...it sounds as though the partner knew it was happening, knew that his partner had forbidden it and still let it happen. This isn't casual family sharing, its toxic.

None of this would have bothered me at all, except perhaps excessive use of expensive toiletries, although they tended to prefer their own anyway. They’ve all left home now, if they’re back for a few nights they often borrow my dressing gown for example .
I miss them, those years go by so quickly. I can buy all the expensive products I want now …

As for OP, yes i'd be peed off too, their dad clearly has disregarded her wishes, by teling his girl its ok so long as she doesnt get caught! Yes i would lock up the ensuite if theres another shower in the house to use.maybe then theyll get the message.& for SD's birthday, buy her a towelling robe & slippers of her own,and a semì expensive gift pack of bath stuff& creams of her own.

Just moved, so currently have to let adult sons use shower in my en-suite FOR A YEAR, till houseing assoc can put a shower over the bath(in main bathroom) however being young men they DO use their own shower gel, so only thing to remind them is to take their dirty clothes with them...but a year? Nah ill get OT onto it,as they both have issues with the bath.

It's not an issue of allowing sharing; the issue is that the SD is taking it without asking, and is using it for purposes it was not made for and therefore wasting it. @Pancakesandcream33, would your mum and grandma have happily allowed you to use their expensive shampoo for something totally wasteful? I doubt it, somehow.

Wow it's crazy how many mums/stepmums don't like sharing their things with their kids. My mum and grandma always let me use their expensive shampoos, conditioners and creams.....and they were designer products. I would never in a million years see that as a problem! Young women are still learning and experimenting with products. The only actual problem is the dressing gown which is easily fixed - buy her one.

I didn’t say I was right . I said I disagree.

You might say in black and white world that she ‘shouldn’t have to’ do things for her SC, but if they went to court they deem those children as children of the marriage - if they are married . Meaning the SM does have some responsibility for those SC. Do not enter into a relationship with a man with children, blend their families into the same home, and then disregard them and call them names when they are trouble.

Of course she doesn’t HAVE to take any responsibility for her SC and I’ve agreed all along they are best off away from each other, but for different reasons. I would hate to have a SM like her. Swearing about them and calling them names, that is just bizarre to me.

Agree that the DP sounds useless .

Invoice her for the products she has used plus the cost of a padlock.

Yeah id be really angry and feel let down by hubby too.
We all need our own space to relax in nice things just for us.
They have age appropriate creams,shampoos etc their own bathroom / shower to use.
I'd rethink the rules if I was you and if hubby doesn't like it or lives like a pig let them live on their own .

I’m sorry but it’s not normal for a 17yo to ignore the rules that they have been repeatedly told about.
And it’s not normal either that her dh has let his dd use that bathroom plus beauty products regularly despite MANY talks about it.

Neither of them are showing any respect to the OP and her stuff.
Worse imo for the dh as his role was to enforce the boundary when the OP isn’t there.

You can have two different ways of doing things.
Two different ways of doing things in the same house is a recipe first not just clash but resentment.
Two dufferent was that means one person wishes or what’s are being ignore and dismissed, as it is the case here, will lead to a divorce.
Saying ‘oh it’s normal to clash’ wo finding some compromises that everyone is happy about is never the solution

“Kids love playing with their parents stuff”

17 is hardly a 6 year old smearing mums lipstick on her face or tottering around in her shoes is it?

I became a semi independent adult at 16 with a full time job and then I moved out to become a fully self supporting adult at 17. I absolutely knew the cost of things and I’d never have helped myself to my mums ‘good’ stuff because it was hers and she bought it for herself, not for me and she had boundaries and I respected them.

Its fucking nuts to think a schelping around naked in your mums dressing gown after using expensive FACE cream all over your body is somehow excusable and normal.

be kind my arse

(I lived in a blended family situation from age 9 in both my ‘homes’ so I know being a step child doesn’t give you a free pass to be grabby and invasive or violating of people’s personal space)

She’s 17. Legally a child maybe but perfectly old enough understand’ do not enter this room’. Cheeky little madam.

Your DP should have actually parented and not allowed her in your bathroom

Second thing: this is about so much more than just shampoo. It's about the fact that SD wants to exert her
authority whilst you are gone. By using your stuff and wearing your bathrobe, which tbh, is slightly odd IMH

no i don't think so...its often the case that the aibu or the rant is the last straw.

Well this has escalated!

Playing?? She's 17!!

I was at work earning my own money at that age.

Honestly, some of these replies are deliberately fucking obtuse

Posters banging on about how they “care more about my kids than shampoo”, that their kids aren’t “second class citizens” and “sharing is caring” bollocks

Newsflash- adults are allowed to have nicer stuff than their kids. It’s like saying you can’t buy yourself a new car because you only bought your 17 year old an 11 year old fiesta. Ridiculous

DP uses literal HANDFULS of shower gel in one go, but he likes the cheap Radox £1 stuff, so fair enough I guess. Would I want him using my £50 shower gel like that? Absolutely not. Same as his super short hair doesn’t need my Olaplex shampoo and conditioner

It not me being selfish or mean. Nice products are a priority for me, and I work hard to be able to afford them. Why should someone else just be able to help themselves (or you go without) just because you’re under the same roof??

I kind of agree with you but this is not a kid, its a 17 year old. Don't you think that by 17, the girl is old enough to know better? In a year's time, she could be off to uni and living in shared accommodation. How do you think her housemates would react to this behaviour? Did she not learn not to take the belongings of other people at school?

People just live differently. It's not right or wrong. Each to their own. It's just when two different sets of normal live in the same house, there is going to be a clash.
Kids love playing with their parents stuff....they aren't old enough to have known what it actually cost the parent who buys it, they haven't had the life experiences yet that show them it doesn't just come on a plate.. anyway I see how the clash and stress happens. It's perfectly normal. Difficult and stressful. But normal.
Having said that the SD needs to know she's not free to wear her stepnjms stuff or use her products or the ensuite. That's fair enough to say that. Just like stepmum doesn't go into her room to use her stuff and wwer her clothes 😆