To ban SD from my en suite?!

Does she have access to a nice bath with products? Does she have a nice cosy dressing gown? Is she lacking in anything she is trying to 'borrow' from you? Can you make her feel at home by getting her these thing?

Istm that the real problem is that your DH knows what she’s been doing and enables it. You can almost hear him say “make sure you tidy up so that @EasterEstherEgg doesn’t find out “

I feel sad for your SD. She thought you were away and was having a bit of relaxing time to herself. I also don’t think you’d be so angry if she was your biological daughter. I do understand that it could be irritating, but in the long term I think you’ll regret not being kinder.

If it’s the only bath in the house fine of course she can use it but using your things an absolute no, especially dressing gown and slippers wtf

I couldn't give a shit about this. You must be so uptight.

I banned sd and my own DDs from our room and en suite. Both dh and I needed our space.
Yanbu I would be fuming

I wouldn't be mad about using the bath. I would be mad about using my personal gown and slippers though! What else- your hairbrush/toothbrush. @EasterEstherEgg Tell her it's offlimits since she doesn't respect your stuff.

Yeah I'd be inclined to some tit for tat here....handbags, any clothes or shoes that fit (try them on when you are nicely sweaty) handbags....you get my drift.

I'd be annoyed too. It's an invasion of privacy and she's trampled over your boundaries.

Nobody, but nobody uses my ensuite except me. It doesn't have a bath though, just a shower, as it's not very big. I wish it did. The bedroom and ensuite are my private space and everyone else in the house respects that, thankfully. There's a full bathroom and another ensuite upstairs so plenty for others to use.

It’s reasonable to be upset about her using your products and belongings. I don’t think it’s reasonable to be upset with her using the room/bath when you’re not there. You only know she’s been doing it because you caught her in the act, so she clearly isn’t causing any mess or damage.

It’s not just the en-suite usage. It’s the fact that your belongings are being used and surely you are allowed privacy? Sure she would not like it if you went into her room and were poncing about in her clothes and make up 🤷🏻‍♀️. My kids know that our bedroom is off limits.

DSC used to do this as teens. They had a bathroom of their own which was bigger, and a constant supply of toiletries of their choice. It was almost more of a territory marking thing - this is our dad’s bathroom and we are equal to you so we’ll use it.

I used to put all my stuff away before they came round. One found a positive pregnancy test when they were snooping in my drawers - served them right.

A lock would have been preferable; get one.

What did you say to her? And her to you?

When you say ‘apparently’ this happens all the time when you’re away, who told you? What did you say? What does your partner say? I feel like there’s huge gaps here.

Yuck! It sounds more like marking her territory to me. Your partner landed on his feet, didn’t he? How’s got two kids. You’ve got one. You paid the majority of the deposit… Using the room itself wouldn’t be the end of the world to me, but the stuff would irk me. It’s not hers to use! However, wearing my stuff?! And slippers?! That’s grim as!!! I’d be letting her have them but making her buy me some brand new ones!

Nope, they stay OUT of my en-suite. I love my SD dearly but she would never take the piss like this..she’s wearing your dressing gown and slippers? No, absolutely not. SD wouldn’t do that and if she tried? DH wouldn’t allow it.

Oh I used to do this with my mum's smellies when I was a teen. She forgave me when I left home eventually. My dad also couldn't see what the problem was.

Id put it in the category "normal but annoying".

You shouldn’t have to get a lock but I would.

So your husband knows but doesn't care?

I think using the bath wouldn't bother me, but the other stuff-why?

Too lazy to carry her own stuff?

Prefers yours?

Then she needs to buy it or get her dadto!

I thought her wearing slippers were bad. Even when dry I don’t think slippers should be shared, but damp feet from the bath is somehow worse.
But I’d forgotten that I wear a bathrobe after the shower naked. I wouldn’t want to think anyone else had been wearing it. Damp too.

Ewww

What has DH had to say about this?

It is all relative. Are they generally normal kids. Are they generally well behaved and respectful?.
We all have had times when we push parents boundaries and limits.

Depending on that will depend on whether there is a lock and a big argument with the husband

Is there a bath in the house other than the one in your ensuite? If not, then I think not allowing her to use it at all is a bit mean. Sometimes it’s just nice to have a bath!

She absolutely shouldn’t be using your toiletries or wearing your dressing gown though. That is disrespectful and bordering on a bit odd.

if theres no other bath in the house then YABU but she shouldnt have used your products

Using the en suite I wouldn’t be too bothered about. Using my products I’d be a bit miffed. But wearing my stuff, I’d be bloody raging. Especially a dressing gown that I wear over my naked body. Who the hell does that?

I had to put a lock on my bedroom door for my older teenage DDs when I went away with work (I was divorced). They had access to everywhere else in the house, but I had enough of them nicking my tights, pants, make up etc. It was a last resort and they were very annoyed! But they got over it.