To ban SD from my en suite?!

You really cannot read, can you? 🙄

Jeez… you refer to SC as disrespectful pigs. That’s horrible. As the adult in the relationship it’s for you to find common ground to meet them on and make the, feel welcome. I am getting vibes that DD is a precious princess and SC are well aware that you hate them. Your family is doomed with your attitude.

@EasterEstherEgg if that's how you feel, make some changes (only you can know how far you want to go as it is your life). You've already shown your DD that you're hardworking, if you feel like you're wasting her precious childhood take stock and see what YOU want to do.

As an aside I would be livid if anyone wore my dressing gown and I did bin my slippers after a relative by marriage wore them!

To @mylifeisexams if you bought expensive creams, and your DD used them, you would need to replace them, unlike with jewellery or hopefully with clothes. Not comparable.

At 12 your daughter is no dope.
She will see clearly what her mother has modelled.

Men come first, ahead of her.
Men and their children come first.
Mum is a workhorse that is away from me to provide for others who treat our home as a doss house.

Women are only there to provide and work for others.

I really hope this is a huge wake up call for you.
You have sacrificed her childhood, time with her mother, to be a workhorse for a user loser and his children.

I would reflect very hard on how your daughter is going to look back on her childhood.

You working to fund others.
As an adult she will be very very harsh I would imagine.

I don't mean to be harsh, but you need to fully wake up and get legal advice to get the hell out of this mess, with as much money as you can.

Yes, I hadn't considered this. The honeymoon is over, husband has got his feet under the table. He is taking everything for granted. OP is working her arse off. Honestly, Chanel is a reward for working your socks off. I know.

Stepdaughter is also testing boundaries and taking things for granted. I'm still not sure that she deliberately put face cream on her legs. She sounds a pretty grotty specimen who knows very little about self care. I think she was just imitating an older well turned out woman. Lecturing teenagers about the cost of things usually falls on deaf ears. Time for her to get a part time job and buy her own stuff. I'd also be buying her shower gel and body lotion for her birthday or Christmas.

Huile Douce from Chanel is £175.
Bleu de Chanel has hair mist at £80.
Would you be happy to discover that a teenager had been slathering your stuff all over themselves if you had paid that much for it?

We have stuff in the bathroom which is available for all the family. I had some Chanel no 5 bath oil. Everyone knew that it was mine and not for general use.

OPs stuff was in her en suite which was an extension of her bedroom. It was not a family bathroom. There is a difference.

You are completely right here OP, and ignore the naysayers on this thread. Unfortunately, for a lot of women, any man will do, so they will put up with pretty much anything.

Stop wasting your money, energy and time on these people. You are paying 75% of all costs?! That’s madness! Think what sort of lifestyle that could buy you and your daughter? Think how much you could save for her and get her set up for life! And how much you could save for yourself to retire early!

This sounds like the straw that broke the camel’s back. You are killing yourself working all these hours and missing out on time with your own child to feed and house these people. Who uses face cream as body lotion? Someone who deeply dislikes you, that’s who.

In your shoes I would divorce this man, take my child and my money and live a very nice life with my daughter.

No one uses face cream as body lotion

Clearly they do! As a teen I sometimes used my dad's razor if mine was a bit blunt, drove him nuts. I also used to sneak into my sister's room and try on her clothes. It's all moisturiser; I know there's a difference but it's all essentially the same thing.

Anyway, I'm not saying she's right to do it, just that it's the sort of thing teens do and it's most unlikely to be this sinister calculated act of spite and malice, it's just something young girls (and grown women) often do so they can enjoy premium stuff they can't afford. It's all a big deflection anyway because the OP has admitted there's an issue in the marriage. It's depressing how often that gets put on the children.

Yanbu.
Your husband knew well but doesn't give a damn.
He's a liar saying he didn't know.

What do you expect having married a man that clearly requires a woman to house him and his children.
You are the solvent woman losers needing to house their children, seek out.
It's your daughter i feel sorry for, collateral damage to her mothers choice of men.

You and your salary are a convenience.
Of course its a fxxk you using your creams on her legs.
She also knows her father doesn't care a whit.

God knows how much money you have spent on foisting this man and his children on your poor daughter.

Working away to finance a loser and his children.

Get good legal advice.
Hopefully its a short marriage and you can get out of it.

Stop paying a penny more than you have to now.

Except she wouldn't have been using 'large quantities' obviously she shouldn't have used it at all but a £50 pot of Chanel moisturiser is tiny!

She’s 17 not 12. She knows about premium products and how to use them. No one uses face cream as body lotion…I suspect that the DH’s attitude is rolling down hill.He’s an arsehole so she can be too.

Well yes, it's hard to moisturise your legs by accident, but there's no reason to think it was some terrible act of malice and spite. She's a teenager with access to premium products and she likes them; they're very nice, that's why they're premium.

It's annoying but this idea that a teenage girl using expensive products she's not supposed is some sort of sinister calculated act is ridiculous. Anyway, OP has admitted there are problems in her marriage and her husband is a piss taker... as is so often the case, it's just getting deflected on to the kids.

And would your daughter use your pot of Chanel face cream on her legs, or a small amount for her face?
My DD can and does have anything she wants of mine, but is respectful and asks if it’s OK. It’s not that she thinks I would ever say no, but we do have mutual respect there.
The SD in this case knew that the answer would be no and did it anyway, and in a real FU used large quantities of Chanel face cream on her legs-she is 17, there is no way in hell she didn’t realise what she was doing. That is a deliberate act.

No one is saying it is her responsibility! But clearly she feels some responsibility and is caring for her by buying essentials.

Op was asking if she was being unreasonable, I just said from the limited information it didn't sound like a 'fuck you', just remind of

I used to pinch my daughter's make up too!

I've just remembered one occasion when DH and I were in bed (I can't remember whether it was late night or early morning) and DD knocked, came in, announced that she urgently needed a nude coloured bra and all hers were in the wash. She grabbed the one off my chair and ran off with it. I pointed out it wasn't all that clean but she didn't seem too concerned 😂

I can see why you don't like it and you might want to set a few rules, but I also think you are overreacting.

My DD has left home now but she would often use our en-suite as it was the only bath and would use some of my products, tweezers, nail scissors etc. She'd usually ask first, but not always. And she didn't always return them either. I wouldnt think anything of her using my dressing gown tbh, but the she quite often borrowed clothes and shoes.

Annoying, but not the huge deal that you as some others think it is.

I'm intrigued that it is YOUR en-suite. Does your husband not get to use it at all?

@EasterEstherEgg How are things? I too would find it very hard to find my boundaries trampled like this, especially with the full knowledge of your DH. I had this the other way round. My DF insisted on bringing his partner to my 18th birthday celebrations which was a meal and theatre. She spoke no English so we had to wait while he translated every word. I had asked for lunch and theatre with just him. Not a lot to ask for.

It’s not Op’s responsibility to provide for her at all, let alone to provide luxuries.

Op knows the girl, so is in the position to know better than anyone on here whether this was intended as a fuck you or not. The stepdaughter’s reasoning is irrelevant - she knew she wasn’t permitted to use that bathroom, or entitled to help herself to OP’s personal belongings.

I didn't even know chanel sold shampoo

He uses my stuff, its there its in the bathroom so again I would not be bothered and bathrooms in a family home are for the family especially if one is nicer than the others (like in my dads home)

I have read the posts, she said she buys purple stuff for her hair and treatment for head lice and treatment for fungal skin diseases, sounds like the step daughters got a life of luxury there 🙄
Obviously we don't know what is spent on her because OP hasnt specified anything else, you're just making assumptions.
And to be honest, it's really not coming across as a 'fuck you' type way, because we've not been told the step daughters reaction or reasoning, again, you're making assumptions. Advice can only be given on information provided.

READ THE OPs POSTS!!!! She already spends a lot of her own money on nice products and things for her step daughter! Not Chanel obviously but other nice items so this is not about her step daughter not having nice thing to use! This is about her using her dad’s wife’s products and clothes and bathroom in a fuck you type of way

Why do in need private areas in a family home?!
I think it's important especially in a shared family home that people who want them have a private area. Most people need time away from the rest of their household sometimes, however much we all love each other.

As a sister, I used to sneak into my older sisters room and try on her makeup. I used to go through her undies drawer and look at her undies. I did this because I was fascinated with an older female. She was working and I was still at school. I wasn't doing it to be nasty. I knew she would hit the roof if she found out.

As a teenager, my friend and I used to go to department stores and spray ourselves with perfume from the sample bottles. Including chanel. We knew that chanel was beyond our wildest dreams. It was the height of luxury, to us, to swan around spraying expensive perfume. Teenagers today think they're entitled to expensive perfume, we knew we weren't entitled.

As a mother, my offspring just knew from an early age what they were allowed to do. It's easier to tell a 5 year old to leave your stuff alone than it is to tell a 17 year old. I am at the lynx stage with a 14 year old at the moment. All and sundry are buying lynx, it disappears rapidly. A friend has been through the face mask/ blackhead stage with a 14 year old. I've also been through the body shop and Lush stage. I have allowed offspring to use my perfume, even though they have their own. They ask first. They were taught early on that it is unhygienic to share makeup.

Op needs to direct step daughter to whatever stage 17 year olds are at. I used to wear 17 makeup at that age. I used to buy 17 gift sets as pressie for years. I suppose that is below the dignity of today's 17 year olds. Rituals is nice body stuff.

The idea of someone with ringworm using my face cream of their legs is just grim. Id have to throw it away. Chances are she thought it was body cream. I would hit the roof. Stepdaughter would be left in no doubt whatsoever where the boundaries are.

Do you use chanel shampoo?