To ban SD from my en suite?!

It was in her room. In the bathroom that is only accessible through her actual bedroom.

If you are the type of person who loves luxury toiletries - which the OP clearly is, given she says an en suite was essential for her - then it's a piss take for her stepdaughter to go into her room and use her good stuff.

Can I ask the reason why she isn’t allowed in there? I would be a bit naffed at her using the stuff without asking but wouldn’t have minded if she did ask.

Go in HER room and take anything you fancy. Not to keep forever, just as long as you fancy.

If her dad's ok with it, maybe it isn't a rule (Im talking about using the en suite, obviously the OP gets to decide who gets to use her products and dressing gown)?

Is your daughter also banned from the space? Just checking as you specifically said teenagers.

I think it just happened naturally, so yes I wasn’t banned from doing it

@InkyWink

uptight cos she doesn’t wanna share her slippers and dressing gown?!

And you presumably negotiated this in advance. That is the point here IMO.

This - 💯 it is the fact that they have broken a rule. A lock/keypad needs to go on the door.

YANBU

Shes not a child, you set down the house rules when you moved in together, she’s absolutely taking the piss. It’s very much a power move against step mum.

My mum let me use her ensuite and beauty/hair products/perfume whenever when I was a teen! I was the only girl though…

NO ONE uses my en-suite, in fact sharing a bathroom with H on holiday is almost purgatory 🤣
Plus no one other than guests are allowed to use the downstairs loo …..as a result it always is perfect (after guest has left I’m in there🤣) .
I’d prefer ii if all humans use toilets outside the house but I realise this isn’t possible and I’m being unreasonable!

It's a bit of an invasion of privacy to go into your privare space without permission, yes; and she should certainly ask to borrow your products.....

But to be honest I would be annoyed with my husband more than with the girl. I assume he knows she does this and has allowed it?

I wouldn't get furious about it as it's a fairly standard teenage thing to do I think. My daughter has admitted to "borrowing" her dad's partner's hair products sometimes without asking, and while I told her she shouldn't I didn't go mental at her and I would consider it disproportionate if anyone else did!

She doesn't touch my hair products - too basic! I however have been known to borrow hers. But everything is shared between us - I've always told her to help herself to anything she needs/wants, and she says the same.

Out of interest, would your SD be ok with you using her stuff? If she and her mom share stuff freely, is it possible she just doesn't really consider it a big deal?

Honestly some of the reactions here are a bit extreme! She shares a bathroom with siblings. You were away. She obviously just wanted to play grown up for a bit. The products bit was cheeky but I wouldn't be bothered about the bathroom itself. Also for a lot of kids they just see a bathrobe as an extra keep warm layer, probably like a cardigan. She'd likely be completely horrified if she realised you use it naked. I think I got that from one of the replies. You sound like you're not a big fan of hers

Is the ensuite the only bath in the house? If not, then absolutely no reason for her to be using it.

Exactly. My son won’t use any other toilet (granted he’s only 7) because once there was a spider in the downstairs toilet (2 years ago) so he’s scared to go in there now….

Absolutely this.

I’m wondering what the response would be if the OP had been ‘My SD doesn’t like me using her bathroom but when she’s not around I have a bath there and use all her products. She’s found out and is upset’. I’m pretty sure there would be lots of ‘You’re invading her privacy; You’ve stolen her personal things and should apologise; You’re a terrible stepmum to infringe on her personal space’ and so on.

Whether we would do the same or not, OP was clear from the outset that a private en suite was a prerequisite to her feeling happy to share a house with her DP and his DC. Not only has her SD gone against OP’s express wishes in her own home, she has taken some of OP’s belongings without asking. She is 17 not 7. And for all those saying ‘My DD helps herself to my stuff all the time, it’s not a problem’ why do you allow this? Surely it’s basic manners to ask before you use something that belongs to someone else? My DD has left home now but if she wanted to use some products of mine or borrow a pair of shoes she would always ask first. And I paid her the same courtesy. The SD could well be off to uni in a year’s time…is she going to help herself to other people’s things there too?? Food from the fridge for example, or someone’s shampoo from the shared bathroom? Why is it then ok for her to take OP’s personal belongings?

OP I completely understand why you feel so aggrieved. I would be making it very plain that it’s unacceptable behaviour.

Interesting situation.

To me it's abnormal to ban someone from a particular room in the home. (It's not clear from your wording how absolute the ban is. For instance, are they allowed to sit on the bed? Can they come in to your bathroom to talk to you?)

But it's also abnormal for a teenager to blatantly appropriate personal items that belong to a parent.

The trick is for you to try to find some less offensive wording than you used in your post. And it seems the deeper problem is to try to instill in the teens the concept of privacy, boundaries, and properties.

Likewise, my DD, now 18, is banned from my bathroom as she constantly nicks my stuff. And when younger, was grounded for failing to observe the boundary.

Does their bathroom also have a bath?

Using your bath products and your dressing gown without asking is really rude.

I voted yanbu because you're being undermined and disrespected and they've kept it secret from you.

But, part of the joy of being a daughter is sneaking your mums nicer stuff when she's out although she's your step daughter she might be seeing it as just a daughter thing to do.

If it's the only bath in the house it's unfair to deny them any use of it, but using your things is a step too far.

I know I'd feel violated and furious.

If you can't trust them to be honest with you then you'll have to lock your things away when you go away. Don't deny her the bath when you're away, though, if it's the only one in the home.

OP, my first thought is: would you feel differently if it was your own daughter (that you mentioned, age 12)?
Also, you say 'my ensuite', but surely it's your DH's ensuite too, & his kids would see it that way, ie as their dad's bathroom, not just their stepmum's.

My DD will do it too. I’m pretty chilled though.

Fair enough - although it seems a bit odd to me.