Page 25 | To ban SD from my en suite?!

EasterEstherEgg · 2026-07-02T17:48:04+00:00

I’m fuming!! When I moved in with DH, an en suite was an essential on my list. I have DD12 and he has SS15 and SD17 and I don’t want to share my personal space with teenagers. They’re also not allowed in our bed. Have come back from a work trip early to find SD getting out of my bath, with my shampoos, body lotions and creams laid out and my bloody dressing gown and slippers on and apparently she often does this when I’m away! She - and DH and everyone else - are well aware my en suite is off limits. AIBU?

PS5Gamer · 02/07/2026 23:03

They have no respect for you, your requests or your things.

Bufftailed · 02/07/2026 23:02

Standard teenage behavior

My similar age DC takes my stuff to their bathroom then I am in shower and realize it is missing. I then nag. But we are a family.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 02/07/2026 23:02

Wouldn't bother me at all. The kids are allowed to use any of my toiletries except one specialist shampoo and my l'occitane shower gel. Anything else is fine.

I'd also feel a bit mean if I had a fancy bathroom and refused to let them use it when it's not being used and I'm not even at home. If your SD has been doing all this without you noticing, she's clearly not using lots of product and keeping the bathroom clean and tid

Yetone · 02/07/2026 23:01

Have you spoken to your husband and asked why he allowed this to happen?

KateSixer · 02/07/2026 23:00

SpaceRaccoon · 02/07/2026 22:41

I don't think OP wants any of them in there so you've kind of just made that up.

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Maybe you are right. So long as she's being consistent but this is reading to me like another of those threads where in second marriages everything is being calculated and measured against each partner.

So sad and self destructive. Hope I am wrong.

court18 · 02/07/2026 22:54

TheLadyOfWinterfell · 02/07/2026 19:08

Is there a bath in the house other than the one in your ensuite? If not, then I think not allowing her to use it at all is a bit mean. Sometimes it’s just nice to have a bath!

She absolutely shouldn’t be using your toiletries or wearing your dressing gown though. That is disrespectful and bordering on a bit odd.

Exactly this. Having a bath is fine, using all your stuff (and your dressing gown and slippers 😨) definitely not

UnZenXennial · 02/07/2026 22:54

I would hate this. In a house full of teens, an en suite bathroom is likely to be your one oasis of calm, it's incredibly rude of DSD to have done this. I'd be insisting DSD cleans the bathroom from top to bottom, and launders my dressing gown and slippers. I would hope she'd feel bad enough to apologise, and perhaps replace one of the products she'd used, but I'd certainly be adding a lock to the door.

How did she react when you saw her? What has your DH said about it?

mylifeisexams · 02/07/2026 22:54

Ilovelurchers · 02/07/2026 22:36

In response to the "why do you allow this" question - because it wouldn't occur to me not to? Because it's how I prefer to live? It's not just my daughter who I allow to freely use my stuff (I'd give her both my kidneys after all - of course she can have my hair spray) but friends who are visiting too.

It's how I was raised I guess. I always had free access to my mom's stuff - she has much better perfumes than me and still at the age of 47 I enjoy having a few squirts of them when I am staying or visiting, and on the occasions I do think to ask, she looks at me like I am being ridiculous and says "me casa es su casa" (and I guess by extension means, me perfume es su perfume). My best friend always says this when I visit her too.

It's a lovely feeling, to feel someone loves you so much that they will freely share their things with you. And that's how I want to make my daughter and my friends and family feel. If they need a tampon or want to try some face cream or whatever, and I have these things, why wouldn't I freely share them?

It's OK that OP and others don't feel the same - everyone is different and everyone shows love and respect differently. But I do think that implying it's somehow wrong to freely share your stuff, that it gives kids the wrong message, is a bit bonkers.

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Totally agree. What you describe is a warm and loving household.

Besafeeatcake · 02/07/2026 22:53

Pearshapedpear · 02/07/2026 18:57

Good grief 🙄

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Agreed. It’s just a space - who really cares? Sounds precious to me. My kids can do what they like and we have four bathrooms so there is always somewhere to go.

mylifeisexams · 02/07/2026 22:52

Bloozie · 02/07/2026 21:37

Using your bath when you're not there is fair enough. I wouldn't be dog in the mangerish about that - it's not like you can lie in it when you're away...

Using your products and dressing gown? Nope. Cheeky cow.

Would you honestly call your own DD a cheeky cow for using your products? Wow.

or is it just because this is the SD?

Flamingojune · 02/07/2026 22:49

All products in our house are for everyone

icingonmycupcake · 02/07/2026 22:49

She's basically pissing on your territory. With the support of your DH. She needs to be dealt with. This is unacceptable. (And frankly, weird).

IcedCoffee26 · 02/07/2026 22:49

HumberSquid · 02/07/2026 19:29

Oh I used to do this with my mum's smellies when I was a teen. She forgave me when I left home eventually. My dad also couldn't see what the problem was.

Id put it in the category "normal but annoying".

Me too!

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/07/2026 22:47

A chat is needed to dh and sd. If they both know and ignore that’s taking the piss

even more so as your joint home

Franjipanl8r · 02/07/2026 22:47

Is it the only bath in the house? Wearing someone else’s dressing gown is odd, the rest wouldn’t bother me.

Stressedoutmummyof3 · 02/07/2026 22:45

Indianajet · 02/07/2026 19:05

I really wouldn't mind her using my ensuite (if I had either a stepdaughter or an ensuite).
Not something I would fall out about .

But what about using your products without asking? And wearing your dressing gown and slippers!To me using the dressing gown and slippers is just weird as fuck.

SpaceRaccoon · 02/07/2026 22:41

KateSixer · 02/07/2026 22:37

I think you are being unreasonable. If you want a successful relationship you need to treat your SD as your DD.

I feel that you would not have posted this if it were your DD. So I think you are prejudiced against your SD.

I don't think OP wants any of them in there so you've kind of just made that up.

StormGazing · 02/07/2026 22:41

My children also always ask if they can use our en suite (to be fair they have their own but theirs are upstairs lol … main bathroom downstairs too

Flamingojune · 02/07/2026 22:41

If your dd is allowed then so should everyone be. Its not a big deal though

AliceMcK · 02/07/2026 22:39

Vartden · 02/07/2026 22:31

When you only have one bathroom,and 5 adults your main priority is schedules so you get to work and college on time. If we had an ensuite anyone could use it. What a fuss.

It’s not 5 adults and 1 bathroom. It’s 3 teenagers 1 bathroom plus 1 seperate toilet plus one separate shower.

KateSixer · 02/07/2026 22:37

I think you are being unreasonable. If you want a successful relationship you need to treat your SD as your DD.

I feel that you would not have posted this if it were your DD. So I think you are prejudiced against your SD.

Ilovelurchers · 02/07/2026 22:36

CountryGirlInTheCity · 02/07/2026 21:47

I’m wondering what the response would be if the OP had been ‘My SD doesn’t like me using her bathroom but when she’s not around I have a bath there and use all her products. She’s found out and is upset’. I’m pretty sure there would be lots of ‘You’re invading her privacy; You’ve stolen her personal things and should apologise; You’re a terrible stepmum to infringe on her personal space’ and so on.

Whether we would do the same or not, OP was clear from the outset that a private en suite was a prerequisite to her feeling happy to share a house with her DP and his DC. Not only has her SD gone against OP’s express wishes in her own home, she has taken some of OP’s belongings without asking. She is 17 not 7. And for all those saying ‘My DD helps herself to my stuff all the time, it’s not a problem’ why do you allow this? Surely it’s basic manners to ask before you use something that belongs to someone else? My DD has left home now but if she wanted to use some products of mine or borrow a pair of shoes she would always ask first. And I paid her the same courtesy. The SD could well be off to uni in a year’s time…is she going to help herself to other people’s things there too?? Food from the fridge for example, or someone’s shampoo from the shared bathroom? Why is it then ok for her to take OP’s personal belongings?

OP I completely understand why you feel so aggrieved. I would be making it very plain that it’s unacceptable behaviour.

In response to the "why do you allow this" question - because it wouldn't occur to me not to? Because it's how I prefer to live? It's not just my daughter who I allow to freely use my stuff (I'd give her both my kidneys after all - of course she can have my hair spray) but friends who are visiting too.

It's how I was raised I guess. I always had free access to my mom's stuff - she has much better perfumes than me and still at the age of 47 I enjoy having a few squirts of them when I am staying or visiting, and on the occasions I do think to ask, she looks at me like I am being ridiculous and says "me casa es su casa" (and I guess by extension means, me perfume es su perfume). My best friend always says this when I visit her too.

It's a lovely feeling, to feel someone loves you so much that they will freely share their things with you. And that's how I want to make my daughter and my friends and family feel. If they need a tampon or want to try some face cream or whatever, and I have these things, why wouldn't I freely share them?

It's OK that OP and others don't feel the same - everyone is different and everyone shows love and respect differently. But I do think that implying it's somehow wrong to freely share your stuff, that it gives kids the wrong message, is a bit bonkers.

Stigo · 02/07/2026 22:34

This wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.
So nonplussed by all the posters who are fuming over it 😂. Unclench. Jeez.

Vartden · 02/07/2026 22:31

When you only have one bathroom,and 5 adults your main priority is schedules so you get to work and college on time. If we had an ensuite anyone could use it. What a fuss.

MeridaBrave · 02/07/2026 22:30

I think using en suite is ok but totally NOT ok to use your products or dressing gown.