To ban SD from my en suite?!

It’s more the fact dh knew it was happening and didn’t do or say anything

using costly toiletries - prob a mum thing - mini blondes acquires my stuff and shes 9 !

but no need to use her bath , esp as one in kids bathroom but kore the use of her personal clothes /dressing gown

At 17, she may not have realised how much that stuff costs. I had no exposure to expensive skincare at all until I was 22 and had a part-time job in a department store while studying. (They had a beauty dept.)

This isn’t about space or products. It’s about respect and I hope her dad can see this and instil some in her. It’s really not okay on any level. You being a step mum is irrelevant. An adult set a rule and she isgnkre it by design. This needs followed up.

Where was your husband while his daughter was wearing your dressing gown and using your expensive toiletries?

If he allows this I'd be more fuming with him. Kids push boundaries, if you let them. He is letting his daughter use your stuff knowing you wouldn't want her to.

He'd be replacing the dressing gown and the moisturiser and anything else she's used. And I'd put a lock on the bathroom. He can now share with the kids since he can't be trusted with access to your stuff.

But honestly I don't see what you're gaining from this. Seems like you're very much taken for a ride here.

Oh, she shouldn't be using an expensive facial moisturiser for her legs. You wouldn't do that. Maybe she didn't realise how expensive it was.

I wouldn't care about this. Your reaction is way OTT

OP dose buy her stuff and the SD was naked in OPs bathrobe while applying £50 face moisturiser to her legs! My 12yo knows the value of skincare products and what to use where so I’m damm sure a 17yo knows full well and is just using OPs stuff to spite her, nothing about being sweet and looking up to OP.

I guess youngsters just like to use older women's bathrooms and all their good stuff! It's sweet. 🥹

Than SD is completely unreasonable, she could use the other bath and her own products

Very weird and uptight. What are people hiding in their bedrooms and bathrooms 😂

Perhaps they have different rules/use of house at their mum’s. Me and DH have an en-suite. Teen dd and 20yo ds are allowed in there at any time and can use anything they see in there. My dd also is happy for me to go into her room and borrow stuff. I used one of her body sprays today. She was sitting there happily. My ds is actually in my en-suite right now.
that said, if you’ve specifically said very clearly not to, then she’s been rather disrespectful. The dressing gown is the worst part IMO.

I think it's actually quite sweet! She clearly looks up to you and wants to be like you when she grows up! She's your step-daughter and almost a young woman, can't she use a few of the nice potions that she can't afford for herself? Or maybe you could take her shopping and buy her some nice potions? Shiseido has a range that's geared to teens, Waso. She doesn't use your bathroom when you're there, so what's the problem? Get her a Lush bath bomb next time you're away and tell her to go wild. You can be mean or you can lean into it.

I kind of get where the op is coming from

Back in the day when me and DH were in our first home, we had just the one bathroom and DSD and DSS thought what was mine was theirs

So I bought a tall cabinet with loads of shelves, DH, Mine, family use and a shelf each for them - and still my things got used

So I moved bits I really didn't want to share ( mature skin products wasted on teens after all ) to my bedroom, and still the kids would use if I wasnt home

Me and DH bought the house together, the steps came to stay/ live with us 10 years into the relationship. So it was always just me and him sharing till then. So for me it was giving up a lot of my privacy and time to strangers really ( the kids lived in a different part of the UK and only visited for holidays )

What really got me was DH would be home if I wasnt, and he either heard or saw the kids in and out of our bedroom and never said a word to them

Now we live in a 3 1/2 bathroom house, the step daughter came to stay with 2 DGC and a DGC's friend, they had two bathrooms between them - two showers, 1 bath and 3 loos, and still I had one come and use my bathroom !!

Did you ask her what did she think she was doing? Does she know she isn’t allowed to go in the ensuite? Did you tell her again and what did she say (apart from her dad knows)?

You just swapped locks and rules for a good hiding space.. ?! Bit hypocritical. The OP was more open and direct about her needs, that's all. And that's very healthy, more people should be like that in this country.

Get a lock installed immediately. That's unacceptable and I would have issued serious consequences. Maybe go in her room and use her stuff. At breakfast, be wearing her clothes / jewellery, show her how it feels. It sounds petty, but some people don't naturally feel empathy and need to have it happen to them to understand.

I get you don’t want her using your nice products but I personally wouldn’t care if one of the kids used my en suite.

For all those saying my DDs take my stuff, I’m happy to share etc…you know what, that’s me too my DDs help themselves and I will happily offer up my en-suite and products to guests, but that’s not the point. When OP entered into an agreement to blend families and buy a house, using the bulk of her money she said she wanted her own personal space in the form of an en-suite that was off limits to all the children, her own included. The SD has completely disregarded this and invaded OPs personal space with no regard to the OPs wishes.

As I said maybe you are right but that attitude doesn't speak to me of a warm and happy easy going family oriented household. I hope I am wrong.

I think YABU
I begged borrowed and stole from my older sisters. I wanted to be them and loved using their stuff. My kids do the same and I leave out what I’m happy for them to have and hide the one or two things I want to save .
I see it as being part of a family and think locks and rules don’t make for good relationships.

Can I ask if this is the only bath in the house? I do love a nice long soak in a bath and if its the only one, I can sort of see that if she had one in her previous home, she may miss it now. Is this something you can compromise on to let her have an odd treat?

But that does not excuse using it behind your back with your dressing gown etc.

I don’t want to share my personal space with teenagers

It’s in the OP. Make stuff up and project away but it’s not based on anything OP has said.