To ban SD from my en suite?!

You are obviously carrying everyone financially and they don't respect your privacy - sounds like finding SD using your en-suite, your bathrobe, slippers and your creams etc is the last straw. I suspect your husband and his kids think they have it made and that the gravy train will just continue, no matter how badly they behave. Maybe it's time to show them that actions have consequences and the worm has turned. Once you've calmed down, take some time to think about whether you really want out of this marriage. If you feel you and DD would be happier alone then go for it. Life is too short to stay with someone who takes you for granted.

Wow. Lovely way to talk about a young person who clearly isn’t loved in your home, or looked after in her mother’s home.

Funny you’re the breadwinner who pays 75% of all the bills and is so hard done by. Who looks after your daughter while you’re away on business 2-3 days a week? Because if it’s your husband then gtfo.

Exactly. When my DS was still at home after leaving university he ASKED if it was ok for his GF to stay over. He was respectful re. use of food, snacks etc. When he first moved out he rang the doorbell when he visited! We told him he could use his key and come in.

If either of mine had just taken mine/DH’s stuff without asking, or stolen their DB’s clothes etc, we would have removed the door to their own room as punishment. There is no way I would tolerate my DC just taking each others’ stuff or ours without asking.

Maybe don’t have teenage children (or marry someone who has them) if you don’t want to share a space with them…because they will be in that space regardless if you get an en suite.

That said, I would be annoyed with someone else using my face stuff. The dressing gown and slippers is a bit bizarre. Do they not have their own nice things, or are they trying to embody the life of luxury they think you live whilst you’re away (lol- but seriously??)?

YABU for being annoyed they used a bathroom.

YANBU for being annoyed they used your face cream, dressing gown/slippers.

She's 17! She can get a part-time job and buy her own stuff.

Why would you reward someone for doing something they knew was wrong?

I can't understand all these posters saying "she's just a kid", "cut her some slack", and the absolutely baffling "treat her to her own skincare". She's 17. She will have an understanding of how much those things cost, and ideally will have done a little paid work to start understanding the value of money.

It's super creepy to wear your stepmum's dressing gown and slippers! And I don't want to think about someone elses fingers going into my pots of creams whether they've just washed or not. It's about respect, permission, and boundaries.

I would say "I find it hard to believe your husband didn't hear the bath running in the en suite" but some men are about as observant as a potato so maybe he genuinely didn't.

Hell I'm in my 30s and would still ask "mum, is it okay if I use X?" if I went to stay with her and had forgotten something, other than the really basic stuff like toothpaste and shower gel. I wouldn't just help myself to her clinique toner.

OFGS

She had no right, be it daughter or step-daughter

Cheeky mare

Absolutely this.

How on earth did you end up like this @EasterEstherEgg and what do you think you are teaching your DD?

Get yourself out of this mess fgs and you and yours can live in peace.

I'd take it as an opportunity to maybe take the girl shopping for some nice things of her own? A new shower bag with some products you have that she would like or some others she might have on her wish list as well as a new robe and slippers if hers are a bit old. Could be a nice day out together. Then she can use her own toiletries and perhaps she could just ask if she can use the bath in the ensuite for her everything shower/bath day? Why all the vitriol. She's just a kid. Be a bit kind.

I wonder if your SD does this deliberately to say, 'Screw you.' She wears your robe, your slippers, and your expensive skin creams—all of which she does when you are away. I suspect she wants you to know she has no respect for you, and it is your DH who needs to lay down the law.

One would actually question why, when visiting, you dont take your own products so as not have to use nephews stuff?

Seriously I think you have some serious interpersonal boundary issues

I guess you are the type to be at a dinner party and use whatever takes your fancy from the bathroom

The OP is perfectly within her rights, to keep the ensuite private . And en suite is attached to a bedroom and surely everyone treats their bedroom as a sanctuary ? Like you dont invite the friends and family in and say - go on up - have a lie down, use my dressing table , work your way through the wardrobe , use my make up?

Communal living is kitchens, living rooms, hallways , dining rooms, gardens ,family bathrooms - not bedrooms/ensuites and usually not studies or offices

OP married him knowing that she was the one with all the money.

However, it does sound like there are bigger problems than a dressing gown and a few creams, so perhaps OP and her DD would be happier living separately. It is VERY hard to put up with messy people in your home if you prefer it to look nice. My exH was very messy, and it was pretty intolerable.

Mother not unreasonable
step daughter clearly out of line
Husband failed to support his wife setting a clear reasonable boundary. In many ways he’s a bigger problem because he had the authority to stop it and he didn’t.

I think this is true. You don't seem to like any of them. Some people aren't made for communal family living, so own that and get your space back with your own DD.

She’s the one basically carrying the entire family financially, and apparently her husband and his child are incapable of appreciating it or respecting basic and clearly stated boundaries. They fully deserve to have it flung at them, and then be jettisoned to provide for themselves.

There’s nothing wrong with OP wanting her own space in her house. It’s hardly like the DSD doesn’t/didn’t also have her own space.

Yes, I think I am wise in the head.

Last time I went to stay with my sister, I used my teenage nephew's face wash. That was the closest thing to a cleanser in the family bathroom. Never do that, btw. It was made for acne, was cheap, and it burned my perimenopausal skin like a mofo.

I would find it HILARIOUS if he used my products! Although not with abandon, true. I'm not sure I believe the OP about SD using the face cream on her legs. It cost 70 pounds, so surely OP would have led with this if it was true. Because that's ridiculous.

And the SD can't have been using OP's products that much, because she's away two nights a week and hasn't noticed the products going down.

Anyway, to me, family life is all about mucking in together.

Is it your house? If yes then you call the shots. If not well you don't.

OK, that's different. She can bathe elsewhere so she is clearly doing it to use your stuff. Maybe she wants to feel grown up!

YANBU. She’s not just using your ensuite, she’s going into your private bedroom, taking your robe and slippers out of your wardrobe, and helping herself to your products. That’s a huge breach of privacy, and a 17‑year‑old knows exactly what she’s doing. Your DH is minimising it because it doesn’t affect him, but you’re entitled to boundaries in your own home. Lock your bedroom, move your products, and tell him plainly that this isn’t negotiable. She has her own bathroom, she can use that.

I would insist he reads her the riot act and explain about personal space. Or play her at her own game and go spend some lounging time in her bedroom, making sure she will find you and make it look like you have had a good rifle through her possessions, maybe lounge in her favourite going out outfit or something.

Or, get one of those door alarms for your bedroom and/or bathroom cupboard and don't tell anyone else about it and watch the fall out when it goes off in your absence, They are about £5 on Amazon.

@EasterEstherEgg OP please just ignore these posters who think it is perfectly ‘normal’ for kids to help themselves to whatever they want & when they have nothing else want to try & make it about her not being your child. This is why we have little demons running around thinking they can do and say anything because of these types of parents. You had 1 non-negotiable not to use your en-suite and that was not acceptable to the SD. So she has been invading your personal space repeatedly and the fact you have posters defending her and seeing nothing wrong with that blatant disrespect tells you everything you need to know about some people. It does sound like you have a much bigger issue than just the SD & I wish you well in resolving that. This ‘arrangement’ seems more suited for your DH & his kids rather than you and your daughter. I guarantee if that was the man being disrespected you would hear all about how he works away working hard to provide a good life for the family and people don’t respect his space his boundaries people would be in support of that. Here there are posters trying to pile on the OP that she needs to chill out and not be the evil stepmother!!!! Why is it so hard for kids to be disciplined at home and taught basic manners and respect?!?

Why did you put her in that situation in the first place?

Watching you pretty much support another family, including providing their home. Then letting them live like pigs whilst you are working hard to enable it?

I hate to think of how much $$ you are going to lose extracting yourself from this setup. Still, it will be worth it to show your DD how important it is to know your worth and be strong enough to live it

Blimey. 😟

Are you wise in the head?

Would you really want a 13 year old boy using your hard earned product with abandon?

End of the day its not even about the cost of the product, its about boundaries and them not being respected, either by the step child nor the step childs parent

There is so much on this forum about children needing their private space - god forbid we make children share a bedroom, but a step parent, wanting a private space and her own personal belongings?????

If they’ve established themselves as disrespectful pigs, then clearly this is an ongoing issue. She knows full well that your en suite is off limits, so to use it and waste your products is taking the absolute piss.

YANBU. Focus on yourself and your child. She’s her father’s problem.