To ban SD from my en suite?!

I would be bothered by this, yes.

A teenager using my hard earned, expensive bathroom products while I was away, using my bath robe and slippers, in my bedroom.

Don't be such martyr PP

OP, I would be furious. I'd have a lock on ny bedroom room immediately and I would be having strong words with ny DH about his daughter. He needs to sort this, not you.

OP has already said that she buys toiletries for all the children:

I buy her her own products (purple stuff for her blonde hair, I buy curly stuff for our child and generic boy stuff he wants for SS).

Her step-daughter was using OP's £70 face cream to moisturise her legs. Are you seriously suggesting that OP buys her some of her own?

None of the children are allowed to use OP's en-suite but they have their own bathroom with a bath and shower and there is another shower as well.

Deflecting it with a Ferrari doesn’t work,respect isn’t about price . It’s about clear rules and consent in a shared household. Skincare and bath robes are personal items. You don’t take what is not yours when you know full well you’ve been asked not too .

But she has her own bathroom and creams.

If the stepdaughter had her own car but repeatedly used OP’s without asking would you say the same? Because it’s very similar in principle.

Decent skincare is expensive and it’s not nice to think of someone sticking their hands in something you use on your face and body.
It feels very personal going into someone’s space knowing they don’t want you there and then using a bathrobe that you wear naked and slippers.
They are intimate items and it would make me so uncomfortable to put on my robe I’ve been wearing naked knowing that it’s been worn by someone who was wearing it more than likely out of spite.

My friend buys her shampoo, conditioner and skincare from Asda and just gets cheap generic brands and couldn’t understand why I was so angry that my DP used half a bottle of my purple shampoo for my blonde hair. It costs me £45 and he has dark brown hair so I was frustrated at the waste of money and I also buy him his own shampoo for his hair type.

The difference is my DP apologised and hasn’t touched it since I told him I was pissed off he’d used it and he’d just picked it up because it was in front of him and not as a “fuck you” towards me.

My friend insisted I’d overreacted and said everyone helps themselves to any product in her bathroom and I wonder if it’s the price and not caring about the brand and quality that’s the difference in people’s attitudes?

It doesn’t matter anyway, the main thing is that OP works hard to support her family and they clearly have a good lifestyle due to this.
She says her stepkids and DH don’t treat the rest of the house with respect so if she wants her own private space in a house she mostly pays for then I don’t think that’s unreasonable at all.

It’s not like it’s a tiny house with one bathroom and the kids don’t have their own bathroom and skin and hair care products, OP works away from home so they have their own spaces and products themselves and it’s highly possible if she wasn’t on the scene her DH wouldn’t be able to offer that to his kids.

Something she knows full well she isn’t permitted to do, yet she clearly felt entitled to do it anyway.

It doesn’t matter what it’s ‘just..’ when it isn’t hers. This is something important to OP, even if it wouldn’t be to you, and her stepdaughter knowing ignored a very simple rule.

Yes, but only to use a bathroom and some creams. It's not like she took her step-parent's Ferrari for a spin.

You should take her shopping and buy her expensive skincare and give her your bedroom and en suite OP.

Once you have kids you aren’t allowed anything for yourself or to have your own space and as for step kids… well you knew your DH had kids when you married him and that means they can do whatever they want and you can never ever complain.

It doesn’t matter that you work hard and have to make sacrifices and are just trying to put some boundaries in place - kids are entitled to everything they want and if they help themselves to your stuff without asking then the obvious solution is to reward them by taking them out shopping for expensive skincare.

I’m in therapy because I grew up conditioned to always “be kind” and ended up being a complete pushover with everyone and terrified of conflict. It didn’t matter how much someone treated me like shit I’d just take it with a smile.

I realised it’s not a healthy way to be far too late and after years of being taken advantage of and it frustrates me so much on threads where posters go on about “being kind” when someone is being used, having boundaries trampled over or in any situation where they should be standing up for themselves and not appeasing the other party.

I don’t know if it’s just people being contrary for the sake of the thread or if they mean it but I actually think being advised to “be kind” when it sacrifices your self respect, boundaries or your own feelings is harmful advice and I’m always relieved when it’s a minority opinion that’s criticised.

Threads similar to this also show why so many kids grow up to be so entitled when they get given anything they want because of their age and because they are “just kids”.
I agree with the pp who said it would be a different story if OP was the one going into her stepdaughters room and stealing her belongings and ignoring the fact she’d been requested not to go into her space.

I understand your anger OP and I’d be as outraged and pissed off as you are. It’s a shitty move of your stepdaughters likely done to deliberately disrespect your wishes and knowing her dad won’t back you up - it’s a power move.

I hope you put yourself and your DD first and move out into your own house where you aren’t subsidising people who don’t deserve it, I bet you’d be so much happier.
I’ve read lots of threads over the years I’ve been on here from women who are treated like shit by their DH and his kids and are almost always the highest earners who own (or paid the majority for it) the house and are still expected to be a nanny with a fanny and housekeeper.
The ones who had enough and moved out updated saying how happy they were and how much their lives improved, I hope to read an update one day from you saying the same.

And herein lies the problem.
This isnt really about your SD using your products and en suite is it? This act is probably the straw that broke the camels back; you feel disrespected, unappreciated and disappointed that all your hard work, sacrifice and financial contribution goes unnoticed by your husband and his children.
Things are not going to get better (despite years of probably trying), your blended family is not working for you or your dd.
A lock on the bedroom door is not going to solve this, divorce will.

Teenagers are perfectly capable of respecting someone else’s privacy, just as they presumably want their privacy to be respected in return. She’s hardly deprived because she doesn’t have access to OP’s en-suite. It’s hardly all or nothing.

My parents had the same rule, and funnily enough my brother and I managed to respect it. It isn’t ’just what teenagers do’.

I agree with OP ignore all the posters saying you should feel lucky that SD wants to use your expensive products. She’s a teenager who has been told NOT to use your stuff. She can get a job and buy her own. You sound like you provide the vast majority financially to them and yes they should be grateful for that. Sounds like if you and DH split up, the stepkids will have a significant downgrade in lifestyle, no more Chanel face cream for her!

I too have two step daughters and they are lovely and respectful, they do not use my things without asking and I buy them their own cosmetics and skincare that is better suited to their age.

Mumsnet is crazy sometimes, kids are are entitled to be put first when it comes to necessities but optional extras are a privilege not a right.

This is both bad and/ inconsiderate and also completely what teenagers do. Only locks can resolve it, but that makes you look a certain way.
my 2 constantly casually nick anything they fancy of mine. They’re not bad kids at all - I overlook quite a lot

Thanks @DimwittedSkater I'm rubbish with names!

It's not really about a few creams and a dressing gown.though, it's about boundaries & respect both of which the SD doesn't give a shit about when it comes to OP, in fact she sounds like a right madam if I'm honest

This thread is eye opening..

I guess I grew up in a weird family. Parents bedrooms were never off limits, and their ensuite bathroom was just treated like any other bathroom and used by all.

I thought that was the norm, but I guess not.

This is totally a husband problem. He doesn’t care that she’s invading your space, stealing your things and violating your very clear boundary. You need to sell the house divorce this lot and move on with your life.

One of my teens chooses to shower in our en suite. It’s a bit inconvenient sometimes but I don’t mind. You do however so you need to have strong words with your DH who needs to put a stop to it right now. You made your views clearly known. It’s just bloody rude of DSD.

Family life is all about respecting each other first . She knows the one reasonable boundary and she crossed it . Not once . Quite regularly.

It was me, and I could never reach the rage levels on here over a few creams and a dressing gown.

Some people are not made for sharing and caring. Family life is all about being communal.

I don't think it's a massive over reaction at all.. the fact that OP wasn't there surely shows you it was absolutely sneaky & mean actually knowing she SD knows she shouldn't be in there

I was expecting to use a bar of soap to wash my face, but there wasn't any.

Everyone's welcome to use my stuff when they stay. I'm always amazed when they bring things like shampoo. I have tons of it at every price point! And toothpaste. Why would you bring that? We're fully stocked!

Massive eyeroll..there's always nit-pickers!

This would really, really bother me to put it mildly! You've said she's doing it as a "fuck you!" & I really believe she is

Also someone else (sorry can't remember who?) suggesting to bring her shopping for Shiseido products & it's "sweet" she looks up to you? Absolutely not, Jesus Christ I hate that it's all on YOU to make your SD feel validated for using all YOUR nice products, as if how dare you not let her have a free for all in your private, personal space.. I'd be fuming too @EasterEstherEgg

Your H/P would want to cop on too

Another one to say you should get off your
high horse ! Who said she is not loved in both homes ? What a weird assumption. All she is been asked to do is keep away from an ensuite that does not belong to her and as she has her own shared bathroom with her own shared bath she most certainly should be using that. Is it that difficult.?

I assume you told her never to do that again OP. What was her explanation?

Can you not just buy her some nice bath things so she doesn’t feel the need to use yours.

massive over reaction really, its not like she murdered someone & you weren’t there

Oh just get off your high horse and GTFO

Trying to spin this as if OP is at fault…..wow! Just wow!! Like a 17 year old these days does not know how much Chanel skincare costs! Please stay naive.

No she’s not loved in that home at all according to you so disrespecting another adults private space is ok as long as the little sweet stepdaughter is not disciplined for such a blatant disregard of her stepmothers boundaries. Why doesn’t OP just sign the house over to her as well as clearly she is the one who must not be held accountable so let’s reward her instead.

No wonder kids these days feel so damn entitled

@EasterEstherEgg you sound unreasonably angry.
Teenagers are going to push and are be selfish and unreasonable
Moving out seems like a huge overreaction, what if it was your daughter who did this? You moving out and throwing in the towel wouldn’t be an option
Your DS has shown she can’t be trusted so get a lockbox for when you leave and put your stuff in there where it’s safe

You need to keep this inexperience and react calmly. With how angry you are about some cream I think you should move out for a while and go to anger management classes