To ban SD from my en suite?!

Indeed it is eye opening .... but the OP says They’re also not allowed in our bed.

surely SD17 in parents bed is a threesome?

This! The way you talk about her is disgusting, you clearly hate her. Do her a favour and get out of her life. This is a sign she doesn't respect you. Good reason too! You clearly favourite your daughter. All of my children (including step) are my children!

It’s about the transgression of boundaries. Everyone needs to respect boundaries you have said no and they don’t care. It’s the rule in my house too with a blended family. No one uses our ensuite.

I would be cross (with dsd and dh) too. Waiting until you are away so that you won’t know is disrespectful.

She’s 17! Possibly a year away from university. If she tried this in student digs at with a flat mate’s stuff, she’d be soon be put right.

And you are very naive. “She is a child” She’s 17 ffs. She knows exactly what she is doing.

Different homes, different rules.
I have no problem having my teenagers using my ensuite. They prefer to use their own products and dressing robe, but no biggie if they did.

You have a very odd way of analysing teenage behaviour. Poor SD. She is a child. She is a product of whatever is happening around her.

my girls use my stuff and wear my dressing gown etc not in any way to emulate me (they would be horrified) but because it’s there. Kids are very simple souls - there’s a towel, I’ll use it.

you and the op sound like you don’t really like children.

Gosh, you don’t want them using the room while you’re not at home? Genuinely, why not?

The only rule in ours is leave our ensuite tidy. They don’t always but I get them to come back and sort. I love sharing space - it’s what families do? I can’t imagine saying that a part of our house (and a functional one at that) was off limits to a child or teen. That feels weird.

using your best products - if my special stuff starts going down i move it out. Same with my razor. Otherwise I’m all for sharing.

why do you feel you need a whole bathroom entirely for you? Genuine question.

This

Well, that’s a bit different then. Sounds like time to leave.

SD was territory marking. Using your en suite, personal skincare and wearing your dressing gown and slippers is not about her wanting to emulate you @EasterEstherEgg, she is basically saying she’s the alpha female. The fact she’s flounced off to her mum’s is to avoid any consequences.
I bet if you wore her clothes or used her stuff she’d be raging!

This is so weird to me. We used to use friends' parents' en suites when staying at their houses. I find this recent strict privacy movement very unnatural.

Ah, OP, I feel for you. I think a lot of people
focus on the “touching your things” as if that’s the one issue, but the bigger issue is that in a full house, the one space you ask to be off limits gets blatantly ignored.

It does sound that way doesn't it.

Whether it be a Ferrari or some products is irrelevant. The fact is, you had made it clear to your SD and her dad that you didn’t want the children to use your bathroom and she ignored that and crossed a line. It’s entitled behaviour and she’s intentionally pushing boundaries. Your husband needs to support you in addressing this behaviour before it spirals further.

Yeah, you clearly hate them, best save them from you.

Sounds like they don’t appreciate you or what you work /pay /give them

qns maybe a serious conversation is needed with dh. Which you say you have had

so what’s the options ?

split and sell the house

put up with the disrespect

sounds like there are bigger issues and this is the don’t on the cake @EasterEstherEgg

OP, if you are considering splitting up already - I would focus on what you want with a little more determination.

in a years time you may well be packing DSD up ready to set if to university - that you will then also presumably be paying for if you’re still married to her father… (that’s assuming he will have a responsibility in the ‘grant’ process).

But, like so many other threads, we can all just sit back and think ‘it’s not soooo bad’ and take the path of least resistance….

Clarify your thinking and either talk to your DH about the behaviour you feel is appropriate and expect him to enforce this with his children or move forward in splitting up.

I find these threads really odd. I dont care at all if my kids use the ensuite as long as they dont leave a mess.
I maybe im odd but it wouldnt bother mde if they used my bubble bath either. But then i dont really buy 'special' stuff for myself, i occasionally have something I've been given as a christmas pressie i suppose.

I don't really get it when people say teens are nicking their stuff all the time - do these teens have nothing nice of their own?? And surely they have different taste to their mum who's presumably in their 40's or even 50's.... My daughter wouldnt ever want to wear any of my clothes 😂

Working my arse off to fund a house where I was so disrespected would piss me off enough to leave. You and dd will probably be happier on your own.

Well, I saw this coming. Good to see you know what you want. Good luck!

It wouldn't have bothered me because I loved my kids even when they were teenagers and they were always welcome to use my stuff.

But i think it's gone beyond 'just some creams'. The OP is clearly at breaking point and this latest episode is likely to be the culmination of lots of other disrespectful things that the DSD (and DSS/DH?) has done (possibly).

We don't know but from the latest updates, the OP appears to have reached the end of her tether so i would hazard a guess its the straw thats broken the camels back. 🤷‍♀️

I don't think it's too much to ask a 17 year old to keep out of 1 room in, what sounds like a large house? It's about respecting peoples boundaries which seems to fall on deaf ears when we're talking about other people's as opposed to ones own...🙄

As I suspected. Cocklodger who can’t house and pay for his own kids, and hardworking, professional woman inexplicably taking him and his disrespectful baggage on to her huge financial and emotional cost. It’s like an epidemic on MN.