To ban SD from my en suite?!

I’m surprised by these responses. I hate it when my own child uses my en suite but if someone else’s did? Just no. The dressing gown would be the final straw for me, it’s a blatant fuck you.

I bet your DH did know. He just didn’t have the balls to deal with it.

I think SD knew perfectly well it wasn't appropriate. That's the point.

This is how I feel. Honestly I’m the one with bowel issues (medical) but DH dose his shits in the main bathroom because he’s a wipe and 1 flush person, he never checks it’s gone down or thinks about cleaning the toilet bowl after himself (unless unwell). I love him and he’s very domesticated but I’d divorce him if I had to put up with him using our en-suite toilet.

I wouldn’t go mental but I would be having a form word of how it’s not appropriate

Wearing your dressing gown is absolutely not on. I'd make her clean and wash everything.

The point is that SD never asked. I assume you wouldn't go into a friend or a relative's bedroom and start putting on their clothes and using their toiletries? Basic respect means that you ask before using other people's things. If the SD thought it was an ok thing to do, presumably she wouldn't object to OP hanging out in her bedroom, wearing her clothes and using her stuff? It's also very telling that she did this secretly, thinking OP was away with work. That says it all really.

I would have an issue this had been happening without my knowledge or permission when I was away, but I am not so precious about my en suite or products and don’t mind my DC using them occasionally if they want to.

I would be having a conversation but wouldn’t be putting a lock on.

I don’t believe that a 17 year old went into her dad and step mums bedroom, through to their en suite, ran a bath, had a bath, dressed herself in her step mums slippers and dressing gown, got four (?) creams out, started putting one of them all over her legs and her dad who was in the house the whole time didn’t notice. He knew.

And the step daughter didn’t ’have a bath’, she thought ‘what can I do to give her a massive ‘fuck you’’.

How soon can you wind it all up?

I use L’Oréal Professionnel Vitamino Color Shampoo. My DD 14 uses the purple Give Me cosmetics shampoos.

Ok, I have read some more of the thread and I see that there is more to it than just using your products and bathroom. But on its own, the transgression is not that bad. If there is a bigger picture then only when included in that bigger picture could it be seen as a bad picture

It's perfectly fine to ask a man not to shit in an en suite toilet. It's fine to ask a woman not to as well, but we all know most men are smellier, less considerate and generally grosser than women when it comes to managing their excretions.

If this is the height of your complaints about your step kids, bad enough to warrant a thread on mumsnet, I think perhaps you should count yourself lucky.

This whole notion is completely alien to me as I would allow anybody I know to use any bathroom in the house and any products they want. She doesnt have the plague.

I pity the step kids more than you. It sounds like you may have lucked out so please treat them as such. And yes if its really important to you just put a lock on and as a consolation take them on spa days occasionally.

So are you leaving him? Selling the house?

I hope your deposit was ring fenced.

Great username🙌🏻
Love SG1❤️ (especially Colonel Jack O’Neill🥰)

@pastadish

some shampoos are really expensive. Not everyone can afford to replace them frequently. Or do you think that OP should get a cheaper less nice type of shampoo so that her offspring can use them as and when they wish?

I too have fine, greasy hair. May I ask which shampoo you use, please?

WTF?! It’s his house too! You’ve no right to ‘ban’ him from using anything in his own home!

You don’t understand why people would bring their own products when visiting someone?

Firstly I would think that if I was visiting someone who uses soap to wash their face that they would not have any suitable face wash for me.

Secondly, skin care, decent skincare is expensive, I would never presume that I could just use anyone else’s products just because I’m visiting them.

Thirdly, skincare and toiletries are personal. I too have peri skin atm I use a variety of cleansers, morning, night, exfoliating, breakout, calming.. depending on what my hormones are doing. Then I treat and moisturise with day time or nighttime products accordingly. Even pre peri I’d only use brands that I could use on my skin, not everyone’s skin is the same. I have preteen and teen DDs, they to have specific products based on their skin type. If they ever dreamed of helping themselves to anyone else’s stuff without permission they would be in a lot of trouble.

The same goes for toothpaste, there are five people in our house and we all have our preferred toothpaste, the only time we put up with a lack of choice is when we go on holiday and then it will be one adult and one child option. Which we bring ourselves.

shampoo ditto, I have spent years finding the right shampoo for me, it’s not a cheap one either, dd1 has fine greasy hair like mine, dd2 dry frizzy dd3 a skin condition so can only use her medicated stuff and a balding DH who doesn’t need any..

Guests have a huge variety of products I’d happily share in my house but I’d never presume I could just help myself in someone else’s home, that’s just rude.

I agree this is a Fuck You op from her to you. I’d be raging, and really it’s up to her dad to sort. So disrespectful when she knows the room is off limits. I don’t think a lock should be necessary, but I think if it was me I would put one on - more because you clearly can’t trust your DH to enforce boundaries. Incidentally, why put up with this at all? I hope he’s worth it..

Of course it's not unreasonable to say that the ensuite is reserved for people who live in the corresponding bedroom (you and DH) as long as the other members of the household also have fully functioning facilities that they can use. It sounds like this was not controversial in and of itself; DH also agreed to it and all of the children were aware of the rules including specifically that your toiletries and personal items were off limits. So of course even if one of the children had been invited to use the ensuite on an exception basis, they don't wear your robe and use your products unless specifically invited.

Your SD has done this; she has knowingly broken the household rules and stolen your stuff. She's a teen, it happens - but she gets an appropriate punishment for it, which may include paying you back monetarily if she's used something up or damaged something. HAS she been properly reprimanded and consequences imposed? (I'm not sure if this could come from you or would be via her dad only, but either way it needs to be swift and clear.)

However, I expect that there's more going on here and that this follow-up SC and DH treat our house like a dosshouse and I’m tired of coming home late after working hard to find a mess. I think I’m done. DD and I will be much happier living separately answers your larger question.

Yeah, I think I would be done too. 💐

It bothers the OP, though. The DSD was using her stuff, including her clothing.

This our bedroom and en-suite is absolutely off limits. He needs to tell her off and she needs to replace products used.

There's a difference between sharing and taking. Your SD is taking. Your husband would rather you suck it up than him parent. Whatever she used, he now needs to replace. Brand new in a box exact brands/size. When the impact falls on him, he'll start to get it. She can have the bathrobe as she likes it so much, you'll have a new one of your choice.

But this does seem part of a bigger issue and you sound worn down with it. Given your circumstances, I'd at least look at splitting so you know where your options would leave you financially. I hope you protected that deposit.

Really so what about your opinion about your own bathroom and products? What's that got to do with the OP?