To ban SD from my en suite?!

So I hadn't read the full thread when I did my reply
I apologise
I think this goes deeper than your nice expensive creams
And you are the main earner by 75 %
Your job takes you away from your little girl two or more nights a week ,
When you come home there's frequently a mess
You feel disrespected in your own home by your step daughter using your expensive creams on her legs and disrespected by your husband,who knew she was frequently using your creams bath and clothes.
Also your upset to come home to a mess , leaving you feeling taken for granted by a husband,who if he can't earn enough to pay half ,should at least keep the house your paying for clean and tidy ,and at least control his daughter and keep her out of your things
You feel angry he is with his daughter and yours leaving a mess in the home that you pay for by being away from your own daughter.
So ,yes it's not fair ,and I'd be angry with DH to .
Do you think DH will change and step up ?
Is it worth having a conversation about expectations?
Or have you just reached the end of your tether with them both

Well I wouldn’t want to have two teenagers using Channel products at that price.
Esp as theyre unlikely to fully appreciate the cost - knowing the price of the face cream furcexamole doesn’t mean they realise how often you replace it agd how much it costs each month.

Some stuff are luxury items that you don’t share. And it’s fine to do so.

But more to the point, nothing says you have to share EVERYTHING with everyone in the family.
It’s ok to not want to share your underwear, your clothes, your shoes, your fountain pen etc etc… the OP doesn’t want to share the bathroom agd her beauty products. That’s fine too.

Or maybe this is just the straw that broke the camels back. Op has already stated she comes back from work trips and house is a mess etc. She buys both her own DD and SD their own specific toiletries. She has to medicate both the SC for nits and ringworm.... where is DH, their father in all this?

Its a basic lack of disrespect. She has her own bathrobe and lotions to use. Her own daughter abides by the rules.

Op I would seriously consider putting a padlock on the door when you are away. DH can share with the kids if its not such a big issue to him.

I’d tell SD if she considers you’re that familiar, she won’t mind you rummaging through her bedroom drawers & private stuff whilst she’s out. See what she makes of that.

That’s your choice. Not everything, including rooms in a house, is required to be considered communal property. Most people, except possibly the most ardent of communists, do like having some things for themselves.

The SD is fully aware that the en suite is not hers to use, and nor are her stepmother’s belongings are not hers to help herself to. All she needed to do was respect that.

Then let them use it. Shared interests bring people together

its intersting....how often on MN that the AIBU is in fact the last straw. Sounds like its ducks in a rown time OP

Whats good enough for me is good enough for everyone in the house. We share.

He'd have a key ,obvoiusly.

I can't believe the number of posters who are 'horrified' that the OP is upset her expensive stuff is being abused. It's not really relevant!!! What's relevant here is that the OP's boundaries are being seriously breeched and her DH is very lax about it because it's not his hard earned cash that is being wasted.

I have no skin routine/creams etc and I'm not into makeup of any sort! But whether you are or aren't is irrelevant! OP's boundaries are being bashed and DH is doing absolutely bugger all to stop HIS child from doing harm.

You have a massive DH problem here and he's obviously a cocklodger.

Good luck.

I wouldn't have an issue with the en-suite being used but I would be livid, if a child (regardless if biological or step) had been using my expensive creams/lotions and wearing my robe. That's most definitely an invasion of privacy and she hasn't asked either. It's a lack of respect and boundaries.
At 17 your step-daughter is perfectly aware what she's doing.

You have a huge husband problem, because he should be parenting his children. He knew his daughter 'goes into the bedroom sometimes'. My question to her, as her parent, would be Why? Why does she need to go into your bedroom??? There's nothing of hers in the bedroom, so she has no need to be in there!!

I think you should spilt up. Sounds like they’re living the good life while you suffer for it.

Your updates explain why this was so anger provoking for you. Sounds like it was the last straw for you.

Yes 100%, step mums can't win on MN (and I am not a step mum, for clarity!) and I bet if op was showering step daughter with her expensive creams then someone would be complaining about her lack of boundaries and how she's leaving all the hard work of that to mum.

Not sure her H will appreciate not being able to use his own bedroom

It’s because it involves a stepchild. Bends should thus always be made backwards and any behaviour at all, good or bad, is to be cherished that they are at least acknowledging you.

Put a lock on your bedroom door, lock it when you go away.

OP, do bear in mind that the MN performatively boundary-less hyper-martyrs only have to type stuff on a keyboard and you can bet your bottom dollar that most of them are either lying (to themselves) or actually they do have boundaries (they just want to scold you for yours).

So your DH was aware - she's done it before - and didnt say anything?

Do you / would you react in the same way if it was your DD?

This is NOT a good relationship! SD is walking all over OP and showing no respect.

Get a lockable cupboard for your stuff - creams and wardrobe.

Tell your DH that he needs to support you, or you are leaving. And mean it.

YADNBU OP. It’s totally unacceptable and I agree it was a deliberate FU. It sounds like your DH is taking you for granted and feels way too comfortable with the support you provide for him and his children. As another poster said, I’m guessing he would not have been able to afford a decent house for his children without you.

It”s clear the bathroom thing is part of a much larger picture - of course you should have one private space in your own home.

I'd be thrilled I had such a good relationship with my SD if I had one ,and if I was in that situation..
she clearly likes you op ..
it's nice sharing bits with the children
.i think that's what family is all about .
We have 3 bathrooms, and anyone can use any bathroom and I buy lots of different nice bits for us all to use , everyone just uses what's there ..my creams are available for everyone..
But ...I had a difficult childhood where I didn't have toothpaste or hygiene products or deodorant.. nothing at all..
So I do appreciate my way is probably not the norm

Yep if I had an ensuite I wouldn't let my kids use it. I already have a tub with my face cream, body lotion etc in that I keep in my room or my teen will spaff through it really quickly and muggins here will have to buy a new tub. The younger kids have cheap shampoo and shower gel so when they turn it upside down in the shower and get a load of water in it it's them that has to deal with the consequences, not me.

It's ok to have your own stuff, would you lend your kids your nice knickers? No of course not, and I see my body lotion as the same! If they asked to use some for a particular occasion I'd say yes but that's not the same as helping yourself, especially when you have your own products, and also my oldest could certainly buy her own nice creams if she didn't spend all her allowance on crap so yeah, I'm not subsidising her monster habit and she can make do with boots own brand.

Sounds like you need to rid yourself of the whole disrespectful lot of them.