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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To ban SD from my en suite?!

767 replies

EasterEstherEgg · 02/07/2026 18:48

I’m fuming!!

When I moved in with DH, an en suite was an essential on my list. I have DD12 and he has SS15 and SD17 and I don’t want to share my personal space with teenagers. They’re also not allowed in our bed.

Have come back from a work trip early to find SD getting out of my bath, with my shampoos, body lotions and creams laid out and my bloody dressing gown and slippers on and apparently she often does this when I’m away!

She - and DH and everyone else - are well aware my en suite is off limits. AIBU?

OP posts:
godmum56 · 03/07/2026 18:46

LAMPS1 · 03/07/2026 18:31

I’d be upset and would have to stop myself getting angry because I know a total ban on something makes it more attractive and intriguing.

She needs a few conversations with you about personal space and what exactly it is about your ensuite and products and dressing gown that makes her want to disregard the wishes of somebody she shares a house with., - only to really upset them. She needs another full-on explanation of the meaning ‘invasion of privacy’ and where this concept is a serious issue in the work place, community and society in general.

Ask her….would she do that to friends or when she goes to uni or when she is house sharing with others. Tell her there has to be rules for everybody in any household to respect and follow, and to expect the same from others, for her own personal security and well being. And she is now old enough to understand the concept of privacy in a shared living space along with the consequences should the rules be broken.
Tell her it just isn’t decent or the done thing to go delving into the belongings of others, or to use the bathroom assigned to somebody else when she already has one assigned to her. And she should now be adult enough to understand that without having to be reminded yet again.

yup, if she did it in a house share, they would rip her a new one.

DaringQuoter · 03/07/2026 18:45

I would be absolutely furious! Deliberately using your things when they know you have asked them not to. Hugely invading your privacy. I would be incandescent. Maybe that’s the wrong thing to admit, but it’s the truth! I’m really sorry for you. Other people’s children are always going to be problematic but this beats everything!

DBSFstupid · 03/07/2026 18:42

Apsodjdv · 02/07/2026 18:56

I’d got crazy at this

Me too. Cheeky little mare!

Glitchymn1 · 03/07/2026 18:41

EasterEstherEgg · 02/07/2026 23:50

Why the fuck should I put a lock on an internal door in my own home?

To keep the SD out.

“She was naked in my bathrobe, she’d just got out the bath and was moisturising her legs with my £50 facial moisturiser.”- This is totally disrespectful. I wouldn’t have too much of an issue if she cleaned the bath etc but not using your products and robe. How have you not noticed? I’d be livid.
If no lock on the door, I’d be getting a lockable safe for my products!

You could have anything in there, prescription drugs or what have you. She shouldn’t be in there and you are entitled to your privacy.

2O26 · 03/07/2026 18:41

linelgreen · 03/07/2026 18:19

I banned our kids from the en-suite many years ago when I found them bathing the dog with my Elemis body wash!!! Their excuse as it was smaller than the main bathroom is was harder for him to escape!

Funny story! I can understand your kid's logic that it would be harder for the dog to escape since your bathroom is smaller, but I am not sure your dog has sophisticated enough taste to appreciate the Elemis body wash.

flippinnorastights · 03/07/2026 18:41

Nanny0gg · 03/07/2026 18:35

You'd buy Chanel lotions for your children?

They learn that's something they can have when they're earning their own money

Exactly. No, my daughter doesn’t need my lovely luxurious toiletries. She has perfectly good toiletries she can use and if she wants fancy ones when she has a job she can buy them.

DBSFstupid · 03/07/2026 18:40

Waheymum · 02/07/2026 18:55

We'll would the en-suite have been available to the kids if you weren't in the picture? Is the house his or yours (or one you bought together)?

Jesus Christ.

Beachtastic · 03/07/2026 18:40

newlegendsfan · 03/07/2026 18:21

It sounds quite weirdly territorial of the 17-year-old!

For me using the bathroom would be ok so long as it was left as it was found - but wearing the bathrobe is weird and using the products is stealing.

It's just downright aggressive - territorial would be the SD marking her own territory, not OP's.

Even if she has just landed from another planet and has no idea how pricey Chanel products are, using a face cream on legs is ridiculous.

Susan7654 · 03/07/2026 18:38

Is the SD otherwise a nice sister to your daughter?
I would not be tolerating SC beeing a pain to my child. I did leave relationship because of it.

Nanny0gg · 03/07/2026 18:35

TheYorkshirePudding · 03/07/2026 08:31

Sorry, what am I reading?! People buy expensive shit for themselves but what do they want their children to put on their skin? This is a new level of selfishness that has never even occurred to me…

You'd buy Chanel lotions for your children?

They learn that's something they can have when they're earning their own money

0Thatsplenty0 · 03/07/2026 18:35

axolotlfloof · 03/07/2026 18:15

Perhaps living with other people isn't for you.
Sometimes we need to compromise and accept an obsession with products isn't normal.

WTF? An obsession? Oh come off it, stop with the massive exaggeration. Are you one of those parents whose kids rule the roost? You're allowed to have boundaries you know, keep some things for yourself. What's happened in your life that you think you can't have your own things or space?

Violinorbanjo · 03/07/2026 18:35

You have to suck it up. The young girls are the princesses, we are the old queens

chaosmaker · 03/07/2026 18:34

Enjoy your mess, H and SD free existence. They were both out of order.

Nanny0gg · 03/07/2026 18:33

DimwittedSkater · 03/07/2026 02:47

It was me, and I could never reach the rage levels on here over a few creams and a dressing gown.

Some people are not made for sharing and caring. Family life is all about being communal.

Is it bollocks

It's a place where you learn to respect other peoples' stuff

LAMPS1 · 03/07/2026 18:31

I’d be upset and would have to stop myself getting angry because I know a total ban on something makes it more attractive and intriguing.

She needs a few conversations with you about personal space and what exactly it is about your ensuite and products and dressing gown that makes her want to disregard the wishes of somebody she shares a house with., - only to really upset them. She needs another full-on explanation of the meaning ‘invasion of privacy’ and where this concept is a serious issue in the work place, community and society in general.

Ask her….would she do that to friends or when she goes to uni or when she is house sharing with others. Tell her there has to be rules for everybody in any household to respect and follow, and to expect the same from others, for her own personal security and well being. And she is now old enough to understand the concept of privacy in a shared living space along with the consequences should the rules be broken.
Tell her it just isn’t decent or the done thing to go delving into the belongings of others, or to use the bathroom assigned to somebody else when she already has one assigned to her. And she should now be adult enough to understand that without having to be reminded yet again.

independentfriend · 03/07/2026 18:30

Seems really odd anybody would want to wear somebody else's bathrobe - that screams unhygienic/ icky. Why wouldn't she have brought her own?

Are there conflicts over the kids' bathroom? Does it have an internal lock so they can have privacy? Is there reasonable pressure in the shower? Does it need an 'upgrade' now the kids are older?

Worth exploring explanations that aren't step-daughter-is-behaving-horribly

If you are going to divorce try to protect your ex step-daughter - it's not her fault if your relationship with her dad breaks down. She's responsible for what she did, which looks like it was behaving badly, doing something she'd been told not to do, but not for anything else.

Alex4646 · 03/07/2026 18:27

You and husband need to sit down first, and be absolutely clear about the boundaries. Then you both should sit together with this girl and explain the boundaries again to her. This should be done together and at a calm moment. No access - its private - no use of products and do not ever touch your clothes. I have this problem here at home, and it really drives me wild. It's the lack of respect and constantly pushing at perfectly reasonable boundaries. I have in fact fitted locks to all four bedrooms, and if we are away, in case she turns up unexpectedly, she will not be able to get in without asking. You have to be cruel to be kind? Or at least very, very clear as to right and wrong. I have had clothes and shoes thrown away out of spite as well as my things being moved, borrowed or taken. Apparently it's me haha. But a united front and clear joint messages should help. Good luck.

GardenAnarchist · 03/07/2026 18:27

NotTodayPhyllis · 03/07/2026 18:12

Some of these comments show that some women don’t feel they can have anything for themselves unless they are also buying for everyone else or sharing everything.

There are multiple comments calling OP horrible, selfish and ridiculous because she has the tenacity to buy herself something she expects to just use herself and not share it with the whole family.

A pp was “horrified” that OP is so “selfish” to buy expensive skincare said “if it’s good enough for her it’s good enough for everybody”
apparently this is a new way to be selfish 😆.

People are insistent she should be taking her SD for a spa day or buying her some of her own expensive products as a consolation for not being able to help herself to OP’s and multiple people are “confused” as to why OP isn’t happy to have everything “communal” and wants her own private space and use of her own things she works hard for.

When did attitudes change so much that kids and teens must always be equal?

I remember growing up and being told to stay out of my mums room and to not use her perfume, skincare and make up or any toiletries. She bought me my own cheaper stuff but that’s almost classed as child abuse now and women get slated if they don’t work to provide the same luxury items for their children.

I’ve seen threads on here with people disgusted that parents ordered a takeaway after their kids had gone to bed and the OP was called names for not ordering it earlier and getting the same for the kids.

There are so many threads about kids sharing rooms and saying how terrible it is and how the OP needs to move or shouldn’t have had children.
Apparently you shouldn’t even consider having children if they would have their childhood destroyed by sharing with a sibling.

Not everyone can afford to buy luxuries for the whole family and the adults are working hard and it seems silly they go without treats if their children aren’t included.
In the past the attitude was that kids can grow up and have their own money to buy nice things.

It is very much an attitude of martyrdom and seems a bit sad that some women think they aren’t worth anything just for themselves.

I have friends who use basic skincare and makeup and wear the same clothes from primark or supermarkets day in and day out whilst their kids wear designer clothes and have decent makeup, expensive shampoo and conditioner, skincare products and coats that cost hundreds of pounds.
Their kids just expect it and my friend’s daughter laughs at her mums appearance and seems oblivious that she can’t afford nice things for herself as she spends all her wages on her.

I wonder if some of the women who have called OP names on here and told her to move out of her house (that she mostly pays for) understand what boundaries are and if they have any themselves?

It would be a separate issue if OP was denying her SD use of the only bath in the house and refusing to share something like toothpaste or generic shampoo but the SD has access to her own bath and her own products.
Kids needs come first but their wants don’t come before adults and shouldn’t always be equal.
At 17 I had a job and bought my own treats and would have been pissed off if my mum had come and helped herself to them so it should go both ways. It’s about respect not entitlement.

Very well said!

My only point of disagreement is that I don't actually believe some of these generously "kind" hyper-martyred communal-everything boundaryless posters. They're just typing virtue signalling nonsense on the internet.

0Thatsplenty0 · 03/07/2026 18:26

Wingingit73 · 03/07/2026 16:48

You sound awful. I used to love using mums things. It felt like a luxury. Ive never known a family not allow their children to use a specific bathroom. Strangers yes but not children of the house

The 17 year old has her own bathroom to use. What a luxury and yet it still wasn't enough for her. What is so awful about providing teenagers with their own bathrooms?

Sharptonguedwoman · 03/07/2026 18:25

axolotlfloof · 03/07/2026 18:15

Perhaps living with other people isn't for you.
Sometimes we need to compromise and accept an obsession with products isn't normal.

It's not the products it's the breaking of trust, walking roughshod over boundaries and downright weird wearing someone else's dressing gown and slippers.

Sharptonguedwoman · 03/07/2026 18:23

Indianajet · 02/07/2026 19:05

I really wouldn't mind her using my ensuite (if I had either a stepdaughter or an ensuite).
Not something I would fall out about .

And the clothes and lotions etc?

MadCatHag · 03/07/2026 18:22

ICantChoose · 03/07/2026 00:02

Wow this thread is weird 🙈 I can't believe people get bothered by these things....

I can't believe anyone wouldn't be bothered by the deceit and disrespect this girl is demonstrating. I'd be banning her from my house.

NotTodayPhyllis · 03/07/2026 18:21

axolotlfloof · 03/07/2026 18:15

Perhaps living with other people isn't for you.
Sometimes we need to compromise and accept an obsession with products isn't normal.

I don’t believe anyone could miss the point this much and think you just wrote this comment to be contrary and go against the majority opinion.

How has OP not compromised when she works to pay for a big house so her SD has access to a bathroom with a bath and buys her products suitable for her?

Where did you get “obsession” from?

newlegendsfan · 03/07/2026 18:21

It sounds quite weirdly territorial of the 17-year-old!

For me using the bathroom would be ok so long as it was left as it was found - but wearing the bathrobe is weird and using the products is stealing.

BruFord · 03/07/2026 18:20

axolotlfloof · 03/07/2026 18:15

Perhaps living with other people isn't for you.
Sometimes we need to compromise and accept an obsession with products isn't normal.

@axolotlfloof Do you think that the SD would be OK with the OP rooting around her stuff and using whatever she likes, whenever she feels like it?

If that happened, I think everyone would be saying that it's a massive invasion of the SD's privacy, you shouldn't root around in teenager's bedrooms/en-suites/cupboards, etc. I don't think it's any different for a parent than a teenager tbh.