To ban SD from my en suite?!

there is no respect… Step daughter knows to do as she pleases as soon as you leave the building. Husband knows but cba as it doesn’t impact him as you don’t know, and his daughter is happy. Your child is sat feeling guilty as she doesn’t want to be a grass(effectively keeping secrets) … I’d kick this to the curb

I would not be happy about the bathrobe and slippers as she should have her own but I think YABU about the bathroom. I don't live with my Mum, but when I did live with her or when i visit her house I can use whatever bathroom I want and her products too. I often use her en suite cos it has a shower whereas the main bathroom only has a bath. I really don't see the problem as long as she doesn't leave it in a mess, if you hadn't caught her would you even have known? Is it because she is your SD rather than DD, would you be as angry with your own DD. I grew up in a house where nowhere was off limits, so maybe my family has different standards. I would borrow my mum's clothes sometimes, I even slept in my parents bed on occasion when they were away, I washed the sheets before they returned. They knew and it wasn't an issue.

Well it’s up to you, all families are different.

What on earth does this man have that persuaded you to put all your money and hard work into housing him and his kids? Please tell us you have protected your deposit by deed of trust, and your unequal contributions to the mortgage through a properly proportionate tenants in common arrangement.

It’s really not about the cream though is it. There are boundaries for all of the children (not exclusively just for OPs child) and one of them has over stepped. It’s boundaries and respect.

Because that’s the only way to keep her out of yoir ensuite? Unless you’re not that bothered? You can’t force her to stay out of it. It looks like as long as she can get in there, she will.

I'd be furious too, @EasterEstherEgg . It definitely seems like a FU from her to you - she's not only used your en suite and your expensive products, she's worn your dressing gown and slippers too!

I also do not believe that your DH didn't know what she was doing.
He said he knew she went in your bedroom sometimes- what did he think she was doing in there?! A place she is absolutely not supposed to be!
So he doesn't respect your boundaries either.

I would be checking to see if there's any nice things missing - clothes, jewellery, cosmetics, perfume etc...

Good luck with whatever you decide going forward.
In a strange way, catching her like that has maybe done you a favour, if it's the catalyst for you taking action to make a happier life for you and your DD.

Do you think your daughter is unhappy with the living situation?

It’s clearly not just about the en-suite for you, are they regularly disrespectful to you or is it more that you just want to spend less time working and if life was a bit more chill it would all be okay? Is your problem mostly with dh or with the step kids?

I don’t really go along with some of that. We have generic products like shower gel etc. DD is welcome to any of those. I bought some expensive shampoo and conditioner because I had a medical problem that affected my hair. I asked DD not to use them and she didn’t.
she would never use anything that is very obviously mine.
i should add DD is a working adult who can buy her own stuff if she wanted to. We share all sorts but personal property is just that.

Speak for yourself, my en-suite is lovely thanks.

Well of course.

i don’t spend stupid amounts on creams. But I do on clothes and jewellery, and my 16 yo DD is welcome to use and have all of it. If I did buy £££ creams of course I would let her use them. She’s my girl and I’d do anything for her. My mum was the same with me. I can’t imagine keeping stuff separate from my child. I actually delight in doing things for her and sharing my life with her. I can’t imagine any other way.

Apart from I do hide chocolate from my teen DS because he’s a greedy bugger. Aside from that what’s mine is theirs!

In this case though the OP has bigger issues with her DH and her SD so I do understand her now.

It belongs to OP and her husband, and they have an established rule that the en suite is off limits to their children. The stepdaughter is not entitled to use it or OP’s personal property.

My entire point was to get her something nice. And she's almost 18.

It’s their house

Wearing someone else’s clothes?
It’s borrowing a dressing gown…

Has no one else with teenage DD been through this?

There are many more issues at play here. Language used about step children compared to DD.
working “internationally” - you have had free childcare for your DD whilst you do this. yes you earn more - put more in the house.
can you imagine if roles were reversed and this was a man saying this?

I don’t get the feeling you and DH are working as a team and would suspect all the DC are picking up on it.

Hopefully she does, because her husband and his children are a burden she doesn’t need to carry.

What message is that giving? That their parents are entitled to their luxuries, as well as private areas. I don’t think it’s great to teach kids that they are (or that anyone is) always obliged to share, or to expect it as something they’re entitled to from others. There’s nothing wrong with people having things for themselves. The idea that everything in a family needs to be communal property is frankly grim.

Besides, she has parents to buy her Chanel moisturizer if they want her to have it. Neither of which is OP.

Imagine thinking she can’t. It’s her house.

It's her house, of course she can!!

Without knowing what the relationships are like, it’s hard to comment. I don’t think I would mind use of the en suite. But I wouldn’t be happy at use of products of wearing my dressing gown. Unless, you have a close relationship and she really looks up to you - in which case it’s sort of sweet.

Imagine thinking you can ban a family member from part of her house.

Also, ensuite = toilet in a cupboard.

The stepdaughter that was deliberately where she was told not to be, using products that weren’t hers and wearing someone else’s clothes?
The medical stuff is pretty grim and for that, poor girl.

And your expensive creams are theirs too?

All i can say is this wouldn't be unexpected for a teen to revoke boundaries. They will understand when they have their own en suites but many can be selfish and not abide by the rules they deem as stupid.