To ban SD from my en suite?!

I would start a new thread for yourself and hopefully you will get lots of helpful responses 🙂 maybe in the SEN board if that might be relevant? Xx

I have installed a pin hole lock on 3 doors that lead to the kitchen to prevent a 10 year old from harm and from taking a vast amount of food that doesn't belong ro her. Is there another way to stop her doing this?

if it’s anything expensive then she’ll ask, I will always let her use whatever she wants, like I said previously!!!

Are you under the impression that the two are mutually exclusive?

I would use words that conveyed those sentiments, which ‘disrespectful pig’ does not. I am quite calm. You’ve got the amateur dramatics adequately covered, so I see no need to stir myself in that direction.

I’m not sure what the issue is with the term ‘power play’, as a previous poster - it may have been you, I haven’t checked - used it to describe OP having her own en suite and products. If that is a power play, then so is the stepdaughter ignoring well established boundaries when OP isn’t there. IMO the stepdaughter and the DH are the unreasonable ones here, and OP is going to better off out of a situation she clearly finds, justifiably, intolerable.

She is 17 not 12. She fully understands the difference between Chanel face cream and aldi body lotion

How do you talk about people you actually hate, then, if describing children as pigs is mild for you?

Honestly, you need to calm down. If you get this riled up about a child you don't even know using someone else's face cream, how on earth do you cope when actually bad things happen?

I thought she used the face cream as a "power play", not because she wanted it for its own sake? So not materialistic, just power-crazed.....

Like the person who was wanging on earlier about Work Ethic, it's totally irrelevant. Teenager is snitching toiletries she shouldn't be using, but the actual issue is that the OP is unhappy in her marriage and she's projecting it all on to the kid because that's much easier and more palatable. People banging on about what the teenager brings to the table and then shifting the goalposts once reminded that kids aren't responsible for supporting the household, are talking about irrelevant stuff.

And now it's getting boring.

It's not irrelevant. Most teenagers pull their weight and keep to the boundaries.

That's all nice and totally irrelevant.

I don't expect teenager to pay the mortgage.
I do expect her to help around the house and act responsibly. For all we know, she may help around the house.
I would also expect her to be looking for a part time job in order to earn some pocket money. I know it's v difficult for young people to get jobs, but she needs to realise that life's tough out there

Hey, I didn't throw it as an insult. Just noting that to some people, the adult woman who likes nice stuff is fine but the teenager who also likes it is a moral failure.

As for what the teenager brings to the party, what kind of ridiculous question is that? She's a kid, she isn't responsible for bringing in an income, she isn't responsible for this living arrangement or marriage, she isn't responsible for existing at all. Honestly I can't roll my eyes enough when people start complaining that the children in a family, school aged even, aren't paying the mortgage or whatever. It's too ridiculous to waste time on.

Sure, she shouldn't be using the stuff, but it's standard teenage stuff and only someone with a lot to project and deflect is going to start bigging it up into some huge issue. In this case, with OP, it's the fact her husband is a dickhead; that's not on the teenager. In the case of the posters determined to call her names and deem her a moral failure or complain, I don't know what it is, but it won't be anything that's her fault. Most likely their own bad decisions.

Nothing wrong with being materialistic.
OP paid biggest part of deposit on the house. She pays 75% of the mortgage. She is running herself ragged at work. She has bought stuff for the scabby 17 year old.

She is entitled to treat herself to some Chanel face cream if she feels that way inclined.

What exactly is the 17 year old bringing to the party?

I really would urge mumsnetters to think carefully about marriage and blended families. We don't know if husband is supporting his ex or is just a low earner. Taking on stepkids is not like adopting a dog from a rescue centre. You can't send them back.

I would advise anyone getting married and buying property to try and go 50:50. If there is a large disparity in income there will be issues further down the line.

Some people on here will be saying it’s fine for this girl to use OP’s toothbrush next!!

@EasterEstherEgg this reminds me of the time my DSD left her toothbrush somewhere and ended up using mine 😫I love the girl, but that was a step too far and she was told in no uncertain terms NEVER to use my toothbrush again!

It sounds like this is just one thing in a catalogue of shit that's been happening over the years and you're being taken advantage of - you need to ask yourself if you're willing to put up with this or if it's time to call it a day

Good luck

I didn’t use my parents en suite or use my mother’s things without asking, no. That is however fairly basic respect, and a far cry from being perfect.

It’s risible to use words that, by definition, describe what she did, to describe what she did? Lol, okay.

Oh ffs, I can only assume you never met a teenager in your life. (I know, I know, you were perfect, your kids are perfect, whatever.) Without teenagers, how would people shift blame for their own bad decisions and make ridiculous posts about "responsibility" and "power play" and "repeatedly going behind her back" when talking about pinching face cream. Utterly risible.

Repeatedly going behind Op’s back to use her en suite and waste her products, knowing full well she’s not permitted to, is a silly little power play. Calling it that is not ascribing to her any sort of malignant strategic genius. The only person being hyperbolic regarding that is you.

They're both absolutely ridiculous and expose far more of an issue with you. Teens pinch products at home, they shouldn't but they do and it's nowhere near as sinister, malicious, calculated or strategic as you think it is. The actual problem, as is usually the case, is the adults, as OP subsequently clarified; she just deflected it all on to the kid who didn't create the living situation, on account of being a kid.

Not every minor teenage misdemeanour like a messy room or snitching face cream is this great calculated insult or political manoeuvre. Get a bloody grip.

yup. If she was in a house share or halls of res, her fellows would not accept this.

I don’t actually think there’s anything wrong with materialism and buying the things you want and can afford.

What is wrong is helping yourself to someone else’s things.

If ‘power play’ doesn’t suit, then how about ‘territorial pissings’? And no, I was not.

The DH is also at fault, of course. The stepdaughter is also responsible for her own actions.

And yet OP isn't a materialist for wanting them...

Better a 17 year old materialist who's still got plenty of time to grow up than a fully grown adult who calls kids horrid names over mild teenage misdemeanours.

Lol, as if calling her a disrespectful pig even constitutes common or garden hatred, let alone that of the savage variety.

‘Banned from parts of the house’ - as if not being permitted to use a en suite is some grievous affront to her dignity, as if there aren’t two other bathrooms for her use. What makes me think she’s materialistic? Helping herself to OP’s luxury products instead of using her own non-luxury ones would suggest it.

Oh whatever, it's entirely beside the point. She's being a pretty normal teenager, infuriating as it is. OP led on her being the problem but subsequent posts show that, as is so often the case, it's the adults who caused and are the issue. And posters blaming the kid in the situation for a "power play" because she snitched some face cream, ffs.