AIBU to expect input into my teen's airport travel plans?

No, no,no, there's definitely something very fishy about the whole trip !
They're determined enough to collect from your door to ensure your DC goes on the trip, but aren't fussed about exactly how they return DC to the same door?

In fact, they're HIDING the return info, likely because there isn't a bloody 'plan to return' your DC at all !

With no court orders for custody/access etc, you'd likely have YEARS of going through foreign courts to even get access to your own child if Ex has decided to physically take custody of his child, as he'd not be doing anything illegal !

You need to shut this down and say no to the whole thing, because the risk is simply too great. Explain to your child exactly what your worries are and how things may play out if that is indeed the Ex's plan, and tell them they can visit when they are 18 and an adult.

At the very least, get a court order to verify that YOU have sole custody and that Ex is currently denied any visitation due to historic abuse. At least if they are a Hague convention country you'd have a good legal case for the return of your child.

This is a very scary (but accurate) summary!
Sound's bonkers.

I am another person who worries that he will not be returned. The fact that you cannot afford an flight out there if something goes wrong is a red flag. I really would be saying no to this.

I feel quite disrespected to be told that it’s all sorted and I’ll be told about the plans soon

Also, in your head, stop thinking of this as disrepect. focus on your child(ren?). This is about keeping them safe, physically and emotionally, and there are certain things that must/must not happen in order to do that.

This sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Worst case they keep DC and refuse to send them home.

No way would I be allowing this.

My guess is that OP has had years of abuse and mistreatment and has been strongly conditioned to believe she is unreasomable/demanding/high maintenance. It sounds like there was some reactive abuse from her to him which is the gift that just keeps on giving for the abuser - they can use this as a tool against their victim pretty much forever, and it ensures the victim continues to question everything they say, think or do.

I think you're mad to even go along with it. Your abusive ex who was physically abusive to his child, has his narcissistic father who thinks you turned DC against his son, picking up DC to take her abroad. I don't even know your DC and I'm nervous for what is to come.

This trip has red flags all over it. The fact that they won't tell you how DC are getting home suggests that they aren't coming home. I think this is just an elaborate plan to abduct DC and keep them in the country. If exH still has parental responsibility, he could claim they are now living with him and it is all agreed, making it hard to get them home.

I don't want to be alarmist but if these were my DC there is no way they would be getting on a plane anywhere.

I would not be letting them go alone. They would either go with me or not at all

if,as you say, they believe the separation is down to your actions then I bet ex will be there and your child won’t know until they get there and then what? Abroad alone and forced to be with a narcissist father and grandfather?

you and your child need to be tells the grandparents how it actually was and what thier son did to your child as well as you

as I say my child would not be going without me

'Ex did the paperwork'
What sort of paperwork? Do you mean a document for DCs to travel with GPs? Did you sign it?
Or is that paperwork for your separation/divorce?

Obviously, you are expressing your worries in this thread but it does all sound pretty dodgy. GPs should be totally open with you and should have cleared all details with you before they booked anything. They should be open to your involvement, e.g. collecting DC from airport on return.

You do not have to agree to anything. You can refuse at any time before the DCs leave. At a minimum, just refuse to hand over the passports.

Are you even certain they've booked a return flight!?

So the grandfather is flying from his home country and then making a 12 hour round trip in a hire car to collect DD and then flying her back to his country. They refuse to give you any details about her return journey.

You think they’re all narcs and you know for a fact that one of them is abusive to your child and that the current feeling is that you’ve stolen her from them? Neither you or your child have asked if her abusive parent will be there nor have you informed the grandparents about this abuse?

What the actual fuck are you doing?

Btw, if you do cancel the trip, be honest with your DD about why. So that your ex or the GP can't twist it later. Kids that age aren't stupid but equally you need to be clear with them that their GP weren't behaving in a normal way, and that made you worried about what her dad might be up to. Good luck.

Echoing what others have said. Abduction is a huge possibility, partic. if his parents are either scared of your ex or believe his lies.

You really seem to have downplayed this possibility but are clearly a lovely mum - perhaps you're still disentangling yourself from years of abuse (where perhaps you had to downplay things in order to cope)?? I'm reaching, I know, but there are so many flags here I'm wondering why you can't see them (I mean that kindly - I'm not having a pop).

If it was my 14 DD, the fact that someone was withholding travel plans would have made me a) question what TF was going on and b) pull the plug on the whole thing. It's so unreasonable - literally no one would think otherwise. And that's without the back story.

So you have to wonder - why hide the travel plans?

Please protect your DD. You don't have to play nice anymore. It's not your role to placate and keep everyone happy. They should be bending over backwards to reassure you and make you feel comfortable - the fact that they're not .... huge alarm bells.

I understand why you're concerned. Would you be able to talk with the Grandmother to give some context about your worries?

Even with all of the awful things you've been through out of the picture, it's not mad of you to want to know the logistics for your 14 year old returning home. That's normal. I have a 14 year old, no family issues but if he went abroad I'd want to know what the travel plans were just so that I knew.

No court orders, no paperwork? That really makes me even more nervous? Who knows what he's included in that? Have you signed anything?

Sorry OP, I completely understand why the DC want to do this trip but right now, this sounds terrifing to me and like a very bad idea.

Do you have dcs passport?

Do you have a credit card you can put an emergency flight home on for DC?

Does your friend who lives in the area know your ex?

Tread very carefully here op, this has a lot of red flags.

I’m seeing serious red flags for this trip, your ex is almost certainly going to be there, and I would be very worried your DC will not return home to you.

What are the countries OP?

I think that you are being naive if you think that your ex has whispered all these lies to his parents (step mother and father?) and that ther eis not a plan in place to ambush your children. You say they are 14? is it twins or is one older/younger? I ask because this also impacts things. I think 14 is still young enough that you, as the responsible parent, have absolutely got the right to insist on a say in how this transport situation is handled.

what, if any, legal restrictions have been put in place regarding your ex? eg court orders or similar? If you have any such things, I would be sending copies to the grandparents and making it very clear exactly what it is that will be acceptable/unacceptable. You can do this nicely but firmly, eg "As per the court order, exH cannot see the chilldren without their express permission. I know he has told you a lot of things about me, and whie there's nothing I can do to change your mind, I can ensure that the legal protections that are in place to protect the childlren are maintained. Part of this is that i need to be confident in how they will be travelling. I believe that the best option is for me to collect them at the airport on arrival but if you have an alternative, please inform me of the detaisl asap and i'll confirm if that's okay."

I would lalso be ensuring your DC know they can call/text you if necessary and you will do whatever is needed to protect them. This might be a step too far, but I'd be seriously considering a cheap pay as you go burner type phone shoevd deep in a suitcase, in case their phones get confiscated.

This. He's your child, you will collect him.

I totally understand why you feel that way, but I think you have gone too far in the other direction and are massively under reacting. Abduction was the very first thought on my mind - I would 100% cancel this trip