Transgender niece

Isn’t that just semantics though?

if you’re willing to call them he/him then isn’t it a bit irrelevant? You can think of him as you like in your head. Just be respectful of their choice of pronouns and you’ll be fine

But that's the key issue isn't it.

Simple name change, no problem.

But the expectation, if you are to 'affirm' is that you go along with the pretence that you see them as the other sex. You can try to side step that by not directly referring to it/avoiding pronouns, but the OP will need to be constantly on the alert to keep her actual view under wraps.

I know that. Surgery and taking hormones is what we are discussing, though.

I don't understand why it's anymore complicated than this. Just seems to op has taken a moral stance on refering to her niece as a boy and is making that the issue.

@Seethlaw surgery isn’t for everyone. I know trans people who don’t take hormones and haven’t had surgery.

In what way was her mother abusive? Is she your sister or her father your brother? Perhaps the other parent is struggling with this and afraid to talk to relatives for fear of being labelled transphobic or abusive due to the mothers influence?

could you gently reach out with some light concerns to see if they respond with relief?

ultimately your niece is 19 and can do what she wants but she needs to be gently reminded by those who love her that she doesn’t control the perception and belief/non-belief of others. Many people she will encounter in life (and the law) don’t believe she is really a man and they are entitled to hold that view. she needs prepared for that.
whilst you might call her Jim you still believe in single sex spaces etc.

Unless you have been in this position you cannot possibly understand.

I'm in that position, and in my case, it's clearly a mental issue. Which means that in a better world, the first - and only - path to "treating" it would not have been, "Get body parts chopped off and the rest of your body messed with with hormones", but psychological help to accept the dissonance within me. I have zero regrets, but in hindsight, I'm shocked that all this was presented as such an obvious and blithely path.

For what other condition do people support taking a perfectly healthy body and attempt drastic surgical or pharmaceutical changes that could have lifelong negative impacts on their physical health?

Unless you have been in this position you cannot possibly understand.

And lots of people who are not trans get surgery to make their body more acceptable to themselves. Breast reduction/enhancement, nose jobs, teeth etc.

The psychological benefits are in some cases lifesaving.

The thing is you can't do anything about it. You can't control what medications they take or how they refer to themselves. You aren't present enough to influence anything. You are a loving aunt that can either choose to accept how they define themselves or you can alienate them and be totally absent. Even a parent couldn't do a huge amount because they are an adult.

However, I do think its normal to grieve the life you thought they would have and the relationship you thought you'd have.

For what other condition do people support taking a perfectly healthy body and attempt drastic surgical or pharmaceutical changes that could have lifelong negative impacts on their physical health?

Furthermore in what other situation do people get to go back and re-write their birth certificates, the most fundamental of ID documents? (And no not in adoption, where the short form gives new name but no parents, and long form says adopted).

Why are the trans identifying girls so clearly linked to backgrounds or trauma, abuse or ASD?

Surgery and hormones should be a last resort not a first one, and only after extensive counselling into background, understanding, reasons etc.

It is shocking how linking the T to LGB has enabled people to ignore basic safeguarding and common sense and biology.

But all this is bye the bye for the OP. So i would still say go along with the name, and ignore the topic entirely.

🤣🤣

Dr here. Please get educated and please call him your nephew. It is that simple. Compassion.

A downside of celebrating the new identity that I would fear is hastening the path towards irreversible harm - such as removing breasts.
so I'm not sure how "supportive" it actually is to pretend you think she has actually become a boy.

I am afraid that you have missed the point.

If the trans lobby is going to continue to moan about being misgendered (called the correct pronouns for their sex) then they shouldn't label other people.

But then this is about one side trying to coerce other people to follow their views by changing the language to suit their purpose.

I agree

when would you need to make reference that they are a transgender boy unless someone directly asks

How often does someone actually call you a cis woman though?. I think maybe once it was on a medical form for my gynecologist who actually sees me with my pants off.

I have never been called a cis woman by a relative or in a social situation.

I swear mumsnet is a parallel universe sometimes.

We don't know enough about the "trans" condition to know exactly what it is because the trans lobby haven't until recently allowed any real research in to being trans.

But whether its a mental illness, social contagion, wanting to wear the clothes of the opposite sex, gender dysphoria, AGP, fetishes or any of the other things that is claimed, the one thing that we should all be agreeing upon is that single sex spaces should remain sex, and it doesn't matter whether that is toilets, DV shelters, rape crisis, sports, grants and bursarys. They should be (and are) protected for the sex that they are for.

Gender neutral clothing wouldn't be cut for a man's or woman's body shape.

It’s also indeed abusive to demand people chant the rituals of a belief system they don’t believe in.

We can all understand it is not respectful to make an atheist pray in school.
or to make a Christian give thanks to Allah.

just because a believer is in the room and likes it

I'm yet to be called a TRA so the bingo card is not quite a full house.

As a transman myself, my opinion, OP, is that you're perfectly right that your niece is a transgender boy, not a boy. She will never be a boy, by definition.

However, I can't recommend enough that you don't discuss this with her or, really, anyone in your common family. If she's just transitioned, she's simply too invested into propping that identity up. Anything negative will be taken as an attack. You will become the bigoted old aunt she will try to cut herself off from. There's no point to that.

You don't have to fake an enthusiasm you don't feel about her transition, but you can keep on being interested in her person, her life, her achievements and so on. Unless people bring it up themselves, there should be no reason for the word "trans" to ever come up at all.

So yeah, she's wrong to think she's a non-trans boy, but it really doesn't matter. This is not about who is right or wrong; it's about you not losing your connection to your niece.

@RudolphTheReindeer So you wear Dresses, skirts,

No, because I look stupid in them.

Bras

Why would I wear a bra? I don't wear things that I have no reason to wear.

and get your trousers and underwear from the women's department then?

Women's trousers are fitted to women's body shapes, so they don't fit me.

Underwear made for women doesn't fit me either.

I'm not sure what your point is, and I strongly suspect you don't know what your point is either. The fact that I wear clothes which fit men's body shapes doesn't mean I am wearing "male identified clothing." The clothing I wear is completely gender neutral. I wear shirts, trousers, and sweaters... clothes made for literally everyone.

It’s called transing away the gay. It’s a form of conversion encouraged by transactivists ironically.

Yet being gay was classed as a mental illness until the early 70's. Fortunately we've come a long way since then, about being gay anyway.....

I must’ve missed this information ‘challenge’. I know you can’t change sex. Trans people have the same rights as everyone else. I asked you to prove me wrong, you just blow hot air. Typical TRA tactic. It’s boring. You’ve ‘laters’ a couple of times now 🫤. Im still waiting for whatever it is you’ve ’broken down to me’.