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AIBU?

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Original poster

Transgender niece

358 replies

Stargazelamb · 19/06/2026 20:26

My niece lives in another country and I’ve just heard that she is becoming a he. She has changed her name, is taking hormone medication and now has facial hair. She is a transgender boy. However she sees herself as a boy. AIBU to think she will never be a biological boy and to refer to her as a transgender boy? I realise this could be an emotive topic.

OP posts:
stripesandspotsanddots · 19/06/2026 20:44

Give it time. My experience of having a trans family member is that it feels strange at first but that you surprisingly quickly come to accept their new gender identity and it starts to seem strange that you ever knew them as their old gender.

Original poster
Stargazelamb · 19/06/2026 20:44

NameChangeAgain48 · 19/06/2026 20:41

I would tell them that you love and support them and will use whatever name and pronouns they want you to use. You dont have to refer to them as a boy or address the biological or trans issue. Im not sure how that will come up. Its not a conversation point.

Ok. Thank you.

OP posts:
AccidentallyWesAnderson · 19/06/2026 20:43

aliceyyyy2654 · 19/06/2026 20:41

Regardless of if you agree with their decision (assuming the nephew is an adult) referring to them in their chosen way is respectful

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*Niece. Names can be changed yes, sex cannot. She’ll never be the OP’s nephew. Language matters.

Original poster
Stargazelamb · 19/06/2026 20:42

I will of course use the new name and refer to him and buy the appropriate card and be supportive. This post is coming from a place of understanding and wanting to support. I guess I am maybe feeling wrong to think my niece will always be a girl and not a boy

OP posts:
ScrollingLeaves · 19/06/2026 20:42

aliceyyyy2654 · 19/06/2026 20:37

Surely referring to him as your nephew would be a good start.

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That would be affirming an idea that something was wrong with how she was born.

It could be best to try to stay neutral perhaps just using a name she wants.

chevalraye · 19/06/2026 20:41

He is a boy. Transgender is an adjective.

NameChangeAgain48 · 19/06/2026 20:41

I would tell them that you love and support them and will use whatever name and pronouns they want you to use. You dont have to refer to them as a boy or address the biological or trans issue. Im not sure how that will come up. Its not a conversation point.

aliceyyyy2654 · 19/06/2026 20:41

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 19/06/2026 20:39

A good start might be not compelling someone to indulge in a lie/delusion. That’s not very kind.

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Regardless of if you agree with their decision (assuming the nephew is an adult) referring to them in their chosen way is respectful

sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/06/2026 20:40

Surely you just call her by whatever name she has chosen and carry on as normal. Do you often refer to her as girl. Why do you need to comment on whether she is a boy or transgender boy anyway. A simple hi Fred how is school is a natural conversation not hi my transgender nephew how is school

AccidentallyWesAnderson · 19/06/2026 20:39

aliceyyyy2654 · 19/06/2026 20:37

Surely referring to him as your nephew would be a good start.

Show quote history

A good start might be not compelling someone to indulge in a lie/delusion. That’s not very kind.

likelysuspect · 19/06/2026 20:38

She's a girl but use the name she wants to use.

You wouldnt use pronouns in front of the person anyway, only about the person

So call her Bob or whatever she wants to be called and grit your teeth and hope that the protective network around her will talk some sense into her and it will just be a phase and her body wont be too damaged.

Such a shame.

aliceyyyy2654 · 19/06/2026 20:37

Stargazelamb · 19/06/2026 20:33

I will always fully support my niece, will love her and will be seeing her soon. I’m trying to understand how to best navigate it. I’ve just heard the news. I will accept the he/him but I’m not able to accept she’s a boy, she’s a transgender boy.

Surely referring to him as your nephew would be a good start.

ScrollingLeaves · 19/06/2026 20:37

How old is your niece and which country is she in?

NeverLookInTheMirror · 19/06/2026 20:36

Exactly what does anyone think they’re achieving by doing something like this other than making themselves look like a self righteous prick?

The only person you’re going to affect if you refuse to refer to him as your nephew is you. so if you really think that you are that important, and you’d rather not have a relationship with him, then crack on.

But don’t expect him to suddenly have an epiphany or think that you have the right to belittle his choices or decisions.

ScrollingLeaves · 19/06/2026 20:36

Honeyhonay · 19/06/2026 20:29

Is it necessary to post on the internet about your niece’s life though? Just seems like pretty awful behaviour from an aunt.

This is anonymous board and OP/ the aunt wants to discuss something very troubling about her niece which her niece will not be seeing. Of course it is not “pretty awful behaviour”.

SweeetFannyAdams · 19/06/2026 20:35

Stargazelamb · 19/06/2026 20:33

I will always fully support my niece, will love her and will be seeing her soon. I’m trying to understand how to best navigate it. I’ve just heard the news. I will accept the he/him but I’m not able to accept she’s a boy, she’s a transgender boy.

What’s the problem though unless you’re thinking of writing ‘Happy Birthday transgender boy’ on their cards?

itchychinn · 19/06/2026 20:35

Let's be honest, she will never be a boy, she's a girl. However, if he/she wants you to refer to her as a boy, what's the harm? I'm a firm believer you are the sex you're born with, but if it makes them happy why deny them that?

ThejoyofNC · 19/06/2026 20:34

SweeetFannyAdams · 19/06/2026 20:31

Only a dick would deliberately refer to someone in a way they’ve been asked not to.

Gotta love Mumsnet on a Friday night 🤣

Don't ask people to lie then.

SweeetFannyAdams · 19/06/2026 20:33

Honeyhonay · 19/06/2026 20:29

Is it necessary to post on the internet about your niece’s life though? Just seems like pretty awful behaviour from an aunt.

And apparently the OP realises it could be an emotive subject! 😁

Heartbroken38 · 19/06/2026 20:33

For the sake of family I'd just go along with it

ThejoyofNC · 19/06/2026 20:33

Do not comply. How old is she?

Original poster
Stargazelamb · 19/06/2026 20:33

I will always fully support my niece, will love her and will be seeing her soon. I’m trying to understand how to best navigate it. I’ve just heard the news. I will accept the he/him but I’m not able to accept she’s a boy, she’s a transgender boy.

OP posts:
Cosyblankets · 19/06/2026 20:32

If we're talking facial hair we're talking old enough to know their own mind
So mind your own business

Ablondiebutagoody · 19/06/2026 20:32

You don't think that the hormones will replace her female reproductive organs with male ones?

SweeetFannyAdams · 19/06/2026 20:31

Only a dick would deliberately refer to someone in a way they’ve been asked not to.

Gotta love Mumsnet on a Friday night 🤣