I would like to know how copious white speckles of toothpaste get on the mirror, on the towel radiator and on the window sill. H swears it's not him and I know it's not me. It's an absolute mystery.
Also, who has piddled up the tiles at the side of the loo?
who has opened the cereal box upside down?
who sprinkled rice all over the kitchen floor?
who leaves packets of biscuits open so that they go soft?
who puts on mud encrusted boots with deep tread and leaves dried clumps of mud/grass throughout the house, including kitchen, sitting room, hall stairs landing?
who crammed the towel down behind the radiator instead of folding it in half and sliding it on?
who uses one teaspoon until it goes dark brown and rough textured?
who spills a drink across the entire length of a room and carries on as if they're completely unaware of it?
who always coughs/hoiks up globs of mucus before they enter a room/before they begin to speak?
who bellows hello into their phone in the most irritated and aggressive fashion to everyone who rings?
who innocently pretends not to hear so that you have to repeat things several times?
who has the audacity to ask direct questions when I'm counting stitches?
oh I could go on ...
and he denies it all