Have you noticed this with your parents as they’ve got older?

Father -no, generally very content despite everything. Is late 80s in age.

My DF was not like that, however my DM was , and definitely from around the age you mention. Mountains out of a molehill situations. Wanted people to know about it, uou would hear the story pretty much every visit until.something new took its place.. She would complain, occasionally really not nice to staff who couldn't alter the situation as they dont have the power to. I apologised several times for her behaviour as we were leaving yo be told 'dont you apologise for me'

After reading some comments and looking back I feel she was probably always like that, but as others have said when lives are busy with family, kids etc it probably wasn't as noticeable. Having time on her hands, esp after DF died probablybdidnt help the situation. For about 7yrs she was very much 'well I wont be here for christmas' so we'd ask where she was going and she d say one day I will be right!! And she was!

Is this what happens as people age?

If people have a petty, negative, ungrateful, myopic slant on life, then that becomes more apparent after they retire and age as all they have to focus on are petty, minor things, which they do not view with interest or optimism.

It is far more about the individual's world view and mindset than about age.

Could you say that to her?

”mum is everything okay? I’ve noticed recently that you seemed a lot happier when working part time and now that you and Dad are both retired you seem pretty unhappy - that bad punnet of blueberries last week really seemed to ruin your whole week! So I wanted to check in and make sure you are okay?”

might not get you anywhere and you know your mum best but you might be able to gently point out that she seems really upset/cranky and maybe you could plant the seed or perhaps she needs something to look forward to and maybe she could plant long trip/holiday - cruise? Or maybe she needs to add something to her life?

I think there is a point where people really start ageing in attitude and it can be quite sudden. The shutters come down and they are less likely to adapt and learn new things. It's a bit like at the beginning of life where a decade in age is a lot, we get back to it being a lot when we get old. Whereas when one of you is 35 and one 45 you're both just generic adults.

I'm 70 and I don't recognise this in myself or any of my friends of my age and older. If anything I take a more positive approach to life (apart from the racist shit show that's going on) because I want to make the most of the fewer and fewer years ahead of me.

I have noticed a slight loss of confidence in myself, as health issues start to materialise (a friend who lives 6 or 7 hours away desperately wants me to visit, but suddenly a drive of that length seems unnerving, despite the fact that only a few years ago I was driving the length of France).

But no, I'm generally more of a ray of sunshine than I've ever been, and counting my blessings.

77 and no I don't stress about small things. I still work and get really tired. I hope to get things done at home etc but if I can't it's just tough. I do suffer from anxiety but try not to let it affect others.

My parents are the same but I think they’ve always been that way. It’s only as I’ve become an adult that I notice it. Now that I look back I can see it in the past too, I just didn’t know any better then. It drives me crazy. My parents are in their 80s and have normal age related health problems but they are so miserable about it. I do think their lives have become so small that the tiniest thing throws them more now, but their lives becoming small was their choice. Meanwhile I have several friends in 40s and 50s going through cancer battles or losing siblings etc and I can’t help but think how lucky my parents are.

Agreed.

My mil wasn’t so much annoyed in the late 60s, but she did send letters which were mostly about a hunt for a fish slice.

I think this is just their personality vs a getting older thing.
I dont recognise this in the 70+ people i know..
.

They seem to live empty lives and this reflects on the soul

My parents are only in their mid-60s, but I can't say that I've noticed this with them yet. If anything, they seem happier than they were before my dad retired, probably because the last few years of his job were difficult and they had to deal with things like wrapping up the properties of my recently deceased grandparents on both sides. Now that those pressures have been removed, I think they're starting to enjoy their lives more again, though they do seem to be more careful with money than they have to be. They comment on this themselves. After so many years of watching money closely, it's just how they do things and they don't really appear to want to change. I do hope they'll spend more on travel in the next few years, though.

I think that the fragility could be an age thing. I am noticing it as my peer group gets older. Bones and confidence in life weaken and shatter more easily. Small obstacles become huge.

YABU to make ageist assumptions.

Some people are always like this, some never are, some grow into being like this as they age, some grow out of it.

My dad would complain at the drop of a hat, and spent his theoretical prime muttering under his breath about 'typical luck' and returning things to shops. In his 70s he began being lovely to everyone and pleased with the smallest thing. My mum has always been inhumanly busy (her 'hobby' in early retirement involved working 14 hour days, 7 days a week, with heavy machinery; now it's local conservation projects, crafts, sports and day trips, with rarely fewer than 2 clubs or events a day and often 3 or 4, plus renovating her house with the intention of downsizing at 80) and entirely unflappable. I had 2 friends caught up in the recent Iranian flight disruptions - one in her 60s was stranded overseas, the other just shy of 80 had to completely rearrange plans days before travelling and went with no certainty about how (or whether) he would get home. Both took it in their stride and enjoyed the added sense of adventure and chance to explore unexpected places.

Population studies show average happiness levels go steadily up after about 50. It's the middle aged who are most miserable.

Do they have hobbies? Maybe some new interests would help, or doing some voluntary work.

Some of the boomer generation have absolutely no idea how lucky they are.
Even the nice ones often have a lack of self awareness of things like their financial comfort. My parents were raised in the war and were never like this. My Dad, who did service in WW2 was always very appreciative , even though he gave back by teaching in a v deprived area for over 40 years. Lived in a modest bungalow in his retirement and gave lots to charity.
I really noticed this attitude when i did a job which meant i had to speak to lots of members of the public daily.

OP I'm mid 60s, I've noticed this with my friends once they get to mid/late 60s and it scares me shitless. I keep asking my kids if I am becoming like it.

Would you fly off the handle at having to queue more than 2 mins in the supermarket? Or at dropping a piece of food when serving dinner?

There are also a lot of younger posters who seem to also be obsessed about small things too, especially social invites, kids birthday parties, collections for teacher’s presents and so on.

I think that people’s characters just get more pronounced as they age beyond 60 or so - if you’ve always been a worrier your anxieties gradually amplify
if you've always been a bit negative half glass empty you become more bitter and stressed at small things
and equally
if you’re a joyful person you become even more sweet to be around - I definitely know oldies like this

and this also exacerbates with dementia

i think it also has to do with faith beliefs - if you have a religion and don’t think that death is the end then you’re more positive about old age I think - I’ve noticed that church goers generally seem more content in their old age and I imagine the same might be said for other religions

I know some very contented old people (the busy ones with lots of activities and friends). But definitely noticed the tendency, even in them, to get a bit obsessed with tiny things that they'd never have thought about when they had things like jobs and dependent children to worry about. The getting a bit overwhelmed by minor and easily fixed problems. The letting small jobs expand to fit the time available instead of just getting it done like you do when there's a bunch of other stuff to do next. Seems to just be the nature of age and not having a job to fill up a big chunk of your time and thoughts.

No, I feel like mine are generally more content with life now they’re older.

You can't make anyone see anything

Pull back a little. Don't be as available

Suggest they see the GP re anti depressants?

@CoffeeAndCats3 love the image of you getting your dad off social media. Like Australia’s ban but in reverse, kids getting their parents off it !