Have you noticed this with your parents as they’ve got older?

This is exactly what I was going to say. To a much lesser extent I also see it in one or two friends who are SAHM now the DC are at high school. Very anxious about stuff I just don’t have time to worry about.

I pull my mum up when she's like that. Sometimes she sulks but generally I think she appreciates a reality check.

Quite the opposite in my case! When we both worked FT and had DC at home then life was busy and I felt we were quite similar in what we wanted out of life and what we wanted to do.

Now, he is very much stuck in his ways and chooses to spend a lot of time at home. I'm not ready for that! I holiday with my friends and have done a couple of solo holidays too, he's just not interested. I want to squeeze everything I can out of life whereas he is happy just being! I don't think either of us is wrong - just different. Luckily we've found a way that works for us but he does test me!

Why is that bizarre? Renovating is quite a usually hobby. Just because DC have left doesn’t mean you can’t have a nice house. And a large one. I will move out of my spacious with a gorgeous garden house over my dead body.

Yes, this, and they get worse! I know several people like this.

They get to the stage when a “busy” week involves a trip to the dentist one day, and Sainsburys another. And both have to be talked about afterwards in minute detail.

This is interesting. Studies have also shown that poorer people donate far more of their wealth (as a percentage) than rich people. Maybe it is a case of the problem-free looking for things to find fault with, as wealthy people seem to look for ways to keep their money.

I’ve noticed my mum being generally more miserable as she gets older. Things that are minor inconveniences she takes as personal attacks and it can be exhausting trying to get her to see sense.

for the most part I just agree with her now

Jeez I’m mid 60s and you are talking like they are one foot in the grave!
The issue is they need something to focus on. My in laws were always looking at houses - I don’t think they had any intention of actually moving but it gave them something to do (and who hasn’t wasted a few hours looking through Rightmove?). Almost like a day out - pick a couple houses, explore the neighbourhood, go to lunch. The fussiness over the food again is something to keep them occupied. And it’s quite right to complain if their food is off!
I think this is the danger for retirees or SAHPs once the kids are grown. Unless they have hobbies or activities to take up their time things can get very petty indeed - and I’ve seen that with much younger people. One who basically became a hypochondriac, another who uses FB to write long rambling rants about this or that.
Perhaps suggest they do some volunteering? Get more involved in their church if they have one? If not just leave them to themselves.

You’re not alone OP, I have observed some similar traits in my DM especially the enormous big deal made over tiny inconveniences, phoning the supermarket every time she’s not happy with something they’ve delivered. And I often feel like she just doesn’t seem that happy which makes me sad. Very focused on illness and death. She’s a bit older than your parents and she does have chronic pain which must make a huge difference, but I do often wish she would make more of having leisure, some money, a spouse, friends nearby. Like you I find it difficult to know how to deal with.

Although I agree with a PP who said it is about not enough going on.

PILs are lovely and do not moan, but they make an enormous meal of everything. Everything is planned, overthought, fretted over. 72 and 74.

My mum OTOH ran a small business till recently, has a dog to walk, friends, drives her van, always has some project on like making a bench or sanding down a door or something. She speaks 2 languages as well as English with real fluency and reads actively / has virtual exchanges in both. She is also learning Swedish, just cos.

I think that is key!

Mine are like this, mid to late 60’s. I think it’s less to do with age and more to do with less going on now retired.

Ten years ago things were going on that actually were a big deal, plus they were working and they sort of skated over it because they had to.

Now roadworks or a bad coffee is a big deal. Sometimes it even seems like they’re excited by the grievance.

Mine are in their late seventies and generally very content with their lot. Are yours happily married @Thesleer? Because it sounds like there’s an underlying reason for their grumpiness.

My dad has gotten like this. Never use to be but moans for the sake of moaning. I call him out on it though as I can’t listen anymore 🤣

I get this op. There’s less than 10 years between us but H sometimes behaves as though he’s in his 80s! When he’s 30 years younger - before the age gap really didn’t seem like an issue.

Some people LOVE to moan and complain. It is there way of communicating. MIL Is this person.

She Is not happy unless she something to moan about. It is DRAINING

No it is not what happens when people age but everyone is different.

My mum is 100 yrs old.
Bright as a button. No carers. No dementia.
Can navigate stairs with her laundry basket down to the washing line & never ever mentions her health.
Shes out of the ordinary and quite extraordinary!
Loves her life.

No, my dad is not like this at all. He’s very contented in life and after my mum died, doesn’t sweat the small stuff.

I do think it’s an interesting observation about people who don’t have much to worry about. I know when I gave up work because we were financially comfortable without my salary, I did start to worry and complain about small stuff that didn’t go my way, although I think that has faded a lot now. Might be more to do with your parents not having any big problems rather than their age

Not all parents no, but my neighbours are like that. They have to be doing something to their house. All the time. Both in their 60s and bizarrely decided to build a massive extension just as their kids were flying the nest. Since then it’s relentless, knocking walls, removing porch, changing the roof (which didn’t need changing) pulling up the driveway, changing perfectly good triple glazed windows.
It’s never ending and a pain in the ass for us with neverending noise from whatever they’re doing next.

DH jokes that they really need some hobbies.

My mum is nearly 80 and is so much more anxious than she used to be. Really small decisions seem to cause such an issue whereas she was a really capable and decisive person before when she was working.

I can only speak of my own experience, so yes. Parents and in laws disproportionately upset by shopping errors, always on with an uneccessary home renovation project. Cruise/holiday/mini break/GP appointment was not as expected (ie like in the 60s when all ran perfectly) etc.
I’ve decided to find it charming.

This is interesting as I always assumed the older you get the less the age difference matters.

Maybe it's not true.

I would have been much more likely to have ranted about gone off blueberries when I was younger. Now I'm your parents age I'll just throw them in the bin!